To be absolutely disgusted at my date?

[lullabellee]

He drove and when we got back to mine and parked up we had a kiss. I had a top on with a zip down the middle and he went to pull it down and I said no, this happened twice. I then got out the car and he quickly apologised that “he gets a bit carried away”.

Surely my first no should have been enough?

Definitely wouldn't be seeing him ever again

Isn't he great for understanding that you shouldn't randomly unzip women's tops at any moment. Now he just needs to learn about listening, consent, and grammar.

Put him in the bin

Unzipping your top the first time was presumptuous. The second time it was unforgivable. You said no. No means no. No doesn't mean try harder or try again. He doesn't accept boundaries or understand consent.

How many women on this thread have said "no", but a man carried on doing what HE wanted to do, regardless?

My hand is up.

OP, your recent update. Let's say OK fine, he misjudged the situation initially. You said "no". He didn't accept "no" as any valid or meaningful response. His message to you does not address this in the slightest.

He's a repulsive gremlin. A potential rapist.

I know you know this. I know the vast, vast majority of women on this thread know this.

Ladies, what do we need to do to get men to know all of this?
Because very little seems to change.

Yeah. Rapey. Block and move on, OP.

Absolutely agree 😂

I hate victim blaming but I don't think that's what you were doing either. There will be creeps out there that's a given unfortunately so it's definitely sensible to take steps to ensure safety until you get to know them a bit at least.

Sorry @lullabellee did i misread, that it was your first date?
Hope you're OK and you've blocked him 🌷

Yes the first no should have been enough.

I would also dump him for his bad grammar.

@staceyflack is right

I really don’t require a lecture on the safety of dating from anyone thank you. Please save that for your young daughters not me a middle aged woman.

exactly that. saying she was UNREASONABLE is victim blaming. there are better ways to say it was taking a risk that could have gone worse.

You would hate me. On my last first date he drove and stayed over 😱.

I'd dump his ass for "we was" tbh, even if he wasn't a non-consensual gropey creep.

Fair enough, you did post on a public forum though and some opinions are it wasn't the safest option to go in this strangers car who did end up being a creep in the end. No more safe for a middle aged woman than it would be for a teenager

Charming.

Sorry @lullabellee seems ive offended you as well as others. This is of course a public & anonymous forum & zero is known about the OP. As a middle aged woman myself... I for some reason assumed from your post that you were inexperienced / naive, perhaps young and seeking guidance. My mistake. I felt concerned for another womans safety (and due to my history) wanted to protect - not patronise . As I've said no, means no - all day, everyday & I'm sorry he's behaved badly. He is wrong, and thats true however long you've known him. I'm away now to respect whatever choices you make, no matter how risky. Best of luck out there. I found a wonderful prince after dating multiple frogs as a mature woman, so there is hope for us all 🐸.

Why would I hate you @Itsmeamandaberry I've done it myself, multiple times, not even dates - total strangers. I've lived and learnt as they say (as have multiple women in my life)... hence my desire to proffer safety advice. Knee jerk reaction perhaps, but my intention was / is sincere. 🌷

That's not the issue, though. The issue is him ignoring consent. In a car, outside her house, in the club, doesn't matter.

Focus on the issue first.

I mean personally as a very middle aged woman who is dating I'd rather predatory men didn't have details of my home address... assuming you don't have kids that live with you so maybe it's less of an issue..but even if I didn't have kids having sampled some of the delightful men on online dating as you have found with this guy 😩 I'm very very very glad of that boundary.
But each to their own.