To be absolutely disgusted at my date?

[lullabellee]

He drove and when we got back to mine and parked up we had a kiss. I had a top on with a zip down the middle and he went to pull it down and I said no, this happened twice. I then got out the car and he quickly apologised that “he gets a bit carried away”.

Surely my first no should have been enough?

Bin him and don't get into men's cars on the 1st date Keep yourself safe

Check in with your own boundaries. A good man will subtly check you're comfortable with what he's doing and stop at any signs of hesitation.

I wouldn’t have been fussed about him trying the first time but he shouldn’t have tried again after being told no. Just picturing you getting mauled in a car outside your house with potentially your neighbours seeing. Awkward!

I think there is potential there for him not to respect boundaries to a greater extent and that would prevent me personally, from seeing him again.

I thought this was good advice. If meeting someone for the first time, it's advised to be cautious. Especially for women - to the PP who mentioned driving her husband on their first date - because most of us can be easily over-powered by men.

OP, if I second the notion of being careful in the future and not let dates know your address until you get to know them better.

On this occasion, of course, nothing can be undone. Put it down to experience and move on.

If he’d stopped completely the first time you said ‘no’, maybe worth another date if you’d liked him up to that point but to try again would be a definite ‘no’ to any more contact

He sounds like a stupid teenager. I wouldn’t peruse it any further unless there was something about him you really liked and could see past this! But boundaries are boundaries and adults should understand them without having to be reminded, let alone twice!

Never ever contact him again. Absolutely disgusting.

Ewww.

This

It's not victim blaming

It's common sense and to keep you safe

Eeew
Don't see him again. Block him on all contact methods.

I don't believe in victim-blaming but there are choices to be made on how to structure early dates and in future these plans should take into account that some men out on the dating scene are this bad or worse. The thing is that some of them will use the first opportunity where there's a reasonable level of privacy and you are vulnerable to start overiding your boundaries, and some will wait for the 2nd or 3rd opportunity, but they are equally repellent. If you stick to only ever meeting in well-populated public places with independent means of getting home, you'll be that much more emotionally invested by the time you discover that they are an abusive arsehole.

Anyone can put on a mask for the early part of a relationship. You're probably quite fortunate that this one let the mask slip after only a couple of hours rather than keeing it going for months.

It might not be victim blaming to in general give safety advice not to get in cars with people you barely know. It is absolutely victim blaming for this to be the only thing said by a poster in response to a question of whether the man's behaviour was unreasonable, when the op hadn't even said it was a first date or that she didn't know the man before they started dating. Or any other context at all.

To leap straight to 'you were unreasonable to be there' without even commenting on the mans behaviour, as one of the early replies did, is the definition of victim blaming.

Lots of first dates happen with people you've known for a really long time, it's not just complete strangers @staceyflack and anyone else.

Big nope. Block him and never see him again.

You said no to something, yet he did it again. He is clearly someone who tramples over other people’s boundaries. Doesn’t listen to the word no. Potentially dangerous.

Major red flag. What else wouldn’t he stop at no for?
Run.

Slap his paw, walk away and block.
😡

That makes him the unreasonable one though not her!

Don't go on another date. He doesn't respect boundaries.

Quite. And if (but more likely when!) he acts all surprised I'd suggest saying "I had to tell you no twice for trying to unzip my top. I'd rather not find out what else you won't accept "no" for."

Well, I should be able to trust that if I leave my front door open, no one uninvited will come in.

Wow I have been in cars with men I'm not even dating... such a brazzen hussy I clearly am.

From now on only my DH shall escort me place to place via carriage.

don't be a victim blame-y judgypants.

OP - i am going to assume that was also your last date with him?

Block block blockity block. Ew.

No it isn't. That's why he's a no and should be thrown back.

Plenty of nice men out there. Don't have to deal with the icky ones.

Ugh. Rapey. Trust your instincts.

Fucking hell.

This post takes me back to 1980s policing.

I suppose the OP was also being unreasonable for wearing a top with a zip, as it allows easy access to her breasts?

Catch yourself on FFS.