To be absolutely disgusted at my date?

[lullabellee]

He drove and when we got back to mine and parked up we had a kiss. I had a top on with a zip down the middle and he went to pull it down and I said no, this happened twice. I then got out the car and he quickly apologised that “he gets a bit carried away”.

Surely my first no should have been enough?

He should have at least asked the first time, not just made a grab for your zipper.

I used to be married to a pervert like this (note, used to) it was like living with a horny teenager. Definitely get rid.

Curious as to why 5% have voted YABU - would any of them care to explain?

Some people are weird about threads being in AIBU when it's clearly not an AIBU question.

Might be that.

Hopefully anyway because anything else would be quite sinister I think.

Absolutely No means No. Nothing more to add there.
But for your own safety, IF this was a first date, please don't get in a car with a stranger or let them know your address.

We don't know if this was a first date or if OP knew her date before hand but if it was a first date with a random from OLD then I agree with you.

To call sensible safety precautions victim blaming is quite irresponsible. In the early days of OLD women were advised to take a number of precautions such as making your own way to and from the date, meeting in a public place, letting someone know where you were going, planning an early exit if things weren't going well or the date seemed dodgy etc, when did throwing caution to the wind become making a stand against the patriarchy?

Women are not responsible for the violence men commit against them but we know some men are dangerous so giving your address to a man you don't know and/or getting into a car with him carries a risk which can be mitigated by making decisions with that knowledge in mind. Why would anyone think that was victim blaming? We tell children not to get into cars with strangers, presumably no one thinks that is victim blaming.

In an ideal world we would be able to go where we liked, whenever we liked but sadly that is not our reality and pretending otherwise puts women at risk.

I wouldn’t have had an issue with him trying the first time but as soon as you say no and they don’t respect that , then there’s red flags starting to be waved

@ShinyShona

Ok, clearly my recent dating experience isn't real

Yep, throw this one back. Not worth it.

That wasn't what she said.

She simply disagreed with your sweeping generalisation.

But I'm sure you know that.

ew. reminds me of something a teenage boy would do - groping in the car and trying again after being told no...🤮

He said he “gets” a bit carried away not “got” a bit carried away (not that that would be much better). Big table cloth of a red flag 🤮

yeah that is completely different.

I have been on dates with men I've known for years, so they have picked me up in their cars, and we've gone out. For some it was the last date because we didn't click like that. another lasted a while. at no point was i stupid to get in the car with them, i had known them FOR YEARS.

Or unlucky? Your experience is not necessarily the world's experience.

I don’t get the uproar to be honest. Isn’t it normal when you start getting passionate with someone for this to happen? For them to start moving things on? It would be a massive passion killer for them to ask every time they want to move their hand.

My favourite most passionate moment was when someone pushed me up against a wall and started taking my clothes off whilst kissing me. He didn’t ask - it was majorly hot.

They should respect the first no though.

It's not about a purposeful "can input my hand on your tit darlin" enthusiastic consent would have seen her go along with it and not stop him, like you did in your situation. She said, very clearly and explicitly, no, stop doing that. He didn't listen to that no and kept going.

Yes, this would be a very different thread if she'd fancied him like mad and it developed into a mutually passionate encounter.

But she said no the first time, so clearly wasn't feeling it. His excuse about being carried away is nonsense, he wasn't 'carried away' at that point, and should have stopped immediately and respected her first No.

Also a huge red flag that he didn't pick up on the fact that she wasn't interested or in the mood for that sort of encounter, that moving his hand to her top zip would be unwelcome and in the context of their interaction so far, entirely inappropriate.

They should respect the first no though

Well yes that's the whole point of the post! If he had just done it once I doubt OP would have bothered posting. It's the refusal and then trying again that's the ick.

Although tbh I still think groping in a car outside her house isn't the same as making a move in an appropriate circumstance. Presumably OP is a grown woman so it's fairly unlikely the top unzipping would have escalated to shagging in his car outside her house hoping her neighbours didn't choose that moment to bring the bins out. If she was interested she would have invited him inside!

Then you just answered your own ridiculous statement. He should have respected the first no.

No one needs or wants the details of you being pushed against a wall.

I'm guilty of that too. My comment about no meaning no, at any stage in a relationship still stands though.

Yanbu.

Good to find out now. Who wants something who "gets a bit carried away" (doesn't respect a clear no) when you're doing more intimate sexual acts. Bin him.

Yes and when he tells you that he gets a bit carried away sometimes. Believe him.

This is the update that I meant to post earlier

He goes straight in the bin for "we was" regardless of anything else.

So the word no doesn’t mean anything to this man?