to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

@NavyOrca

I’d never ask to use a neighbours shower. I’d use a friends.
So I think it’s a bit odd that she asked.
It’s quite a personal act, I’d feel a bit odd about someone undressing upstairs, how they’d use my bathroom, if they clean up afterwards.

I’d just make a polite excuse - and even if your excuse sounds odd, I think her request sounds odd!
Just say you’d rather not because your not sure when your going to be up and about, when your going out etc. Suggest to her the local leisure centre/swimming pool.

Whether previous posters are okay with the request or not; I don’t think you should have to say yes to anything you’re not 100% comfortable with because the person doing the asking will be “frosty” or take offence if you say no.
That’s not really asking for a favour is it? It’s backing someone into a corner to get what you want.

Do it. Things like this oil the wheels of society. Help people out if you can, not just because at some point you may need a favour, but because we're not islands. We're part of a whole.

Whatever - the OP sounds as tight as a duck's arse.

How long before her shower gets fixed?

I would be happy for her to shower every day!
I couldn’t stand not showering myself daily, and wouldn’t hesitate in agreeing in your circumstances.

Where do you live? So many 24 hour gyms around these days. My own gym opens at 6 am.

I would do it but we have 3 showers and my DC’s bathroom is unused as he is at Uni.

I can understand why you would not.

Does she have a bath? Can she buy one of those ones that you put over the bath taps? I had that when I was a student.

I wholeheartedly agree.
It's not odd to want at least some of your space to be private, especially your bathroom.

OP doesn't sound 'tight' at all.
You do seem like you cannot fathom others having different opinions though.

Your bathroom is still private, even if someone else uses it. I'm imagining that most people on here would allow another person at some point to use their toilet?.

I think you should let her some days. Imagine if it was you in this situation.

I would do it too even though I am the type that hates having people in my house other than family and friends. I just couldn’t pass over something as basic as a woman wanting to wash herself and she is obviously trying to be thoughtful by limiting it to every other day.

If it’s about her germs perhaps leave out cloths and sprays so she can clean it afterwards. If it was me borrowing someone’s shower I’d want to clean and leave it nice for them.

It's not a one-off though. it's every other day until the week after next, so quite disruptive for the OP, especially as this isn't a friend of hers or someone she knows well.

Guests/tradespeople can use the downstairs loo.
Only family living in the house use the upstairs bathroom.
We're actually having our water turned off today for a bit - no way am I knocking on doors asking to use a loo, I'll go out a walk and use loo at travel centre or somewhere.

Doesn't she have a bath as well as a shower?

She can wash herself in her own house.

I just couldn't get fused by this, she's your neighbour and has a favour-god forbid you need one off her in the future. My next door neighbour is currently having a whole bathroom refit. I offered them the use of my bathroom with no hesitation if they needed it whilst the work was done, the wife has been in a few times now and it's been perfectly fine.

I lived out in the country.
My water heater exploded - or a pipe did - or something happened, I don’t know, but I suddenly didn’t have any hot water and it was getting late and I was leaving on a flight early the next morning. I turned all the water off.
There was a brand new two-story motel down the road not far, so I drove over and asked them if I could rent a shower for a quick 10 minutes.
They charged me $50US and yelled “And don’t touch anything!!” as I left the lobby.
So classy.

A flannel wash? It’s not the same and who knows what personal medical issues she is dealing with eg effusive sweating or something like that.

Clearly it's not the same as a shower, but that's not OPs concern to deal with.

OP isn't being 'a dick' at all.

Me in that situation would never ask. I'd go to the local leisure centre if I didn't have a gym membership.

I get the discomfort around it but if it were my next door neighbour who is a really good neighbour I would suck it up. And he’s not even female, so even more discomfort around it.

That said if my shower went I would never ask a neighbour, I would strip wash every day with trips to the swimming pool and pool showers in between. Nothing like a dunk in chlorine for feeling clean.

I couldn't begrudge my neighbour a shower.

My neighbour had a similar issue a couple of years ago and used my shower for a few days. Not ideal but no alternatives. Sure enough, I have since had to use hers when my boiler broke, and I felt a lot more comfortable with it knowing that it was a two way thing.