To be annoyed that people "stole" my cat?

[WoIsMe]

One of my cats stopped coming home and I sometimes wouldn't see him for several days at a time. When he did come home, he would eat any food that was left out and then leave again straight away. I put a tracker on him which wasn't very accurate but I could see that he was spending a lot of his time a few hundred yards down the road. So I put up posters around that area asking people not to feed him since he wasn't coming home any more. An acquaintance saw the posters and let me know that her next door neighbours were letting my cat into their house. When they saw the posters, they stopped feeding him so now he comes home every day for food and then goes back to this other house. Recently, he was injured and one of the couple came round to tell me, so I could take him to the vet. So I'm paying for food, flea treatment and vet care for a cat that doesn't live here any more. I really miss him and these people are getting all the good sides of having cat while I pay for everything. So AIBU for being annoyed at the people that have lured my cat away?

YABVU. It’s your cat going to them, not them hanging around to steal your cat.

sounds like the cat prefers being at theirs
and they allow it rather than actively encourage it

When they saw the posters, they stopped feeding him so now he comes home every day for food and then goes back to this other house.

So they don’t feed him
not encouraging him
and yet he enjoys living with them and will return to yours for food

they haven’t “lured” your cat away

they don’t feed him!

ask yourself why your cat prefers their house?

mine would wander off to beg for food (6 dinner sid) but always come back home for love/fuss/warmth/his dinner.

If a cat is straying like this it's more than about food, there is something they offer that you don't, be it noise, other pets...etc. Think about what might be different, or why your cat might be avoiding your house.

Were they feeding him to start with so he got the idea that was home?

A cat decides where it wants to live. Transfer the ownership to them and get another one. Many of my cats wandered off over the years. It's just part of who they are and has nothing to do with your neighbours. Although, I suppose you should have asked them not to let your cat in when they knocked on your door. Did you?

My neighbours cat srays at mine all the time I have taken her down too them but she comes back, I had too take her too vets a while ago that's how I found out who owned her I thought she was a stray I paid a fee too vet who gave my neighbour my number she rang me but as soon as I mentioned consultation fee she put phone down!

If they aren't feeding him I don't think they are out of line.

When a household has several cats, there tends to be a pecking order. Where this doesn't suit a cat, they may prefer a different "territory" where they are the main cat. As frustrating as this is as an owner, I would respect the cat's wishes (as long as they weren't luring it with salmon or keeping it from leaving obviously).

You put a poster up asking for them to stop feeding your cat which they have done. How is the cat getting in to their home? If they are letting him in then you could ask them to also stop this, if he still continues to go back then he has chosen his home. No one has stole him.

Everyone's being unreasonable here - them for letting your cat in, but you for not doing anything about it. We had the same issue with neighbours when I stilled lived at home and we were so irritated by them - unfortunately legally there's very little you can do to stop them letting him in, so what we did was make him an indoor cat for a few months, lots of fuss and playing and toys, and then gradually got him used to going outside again, plus catproofed the garden so he couldn't wander. Fixed the issue. So I'd try that, if I were you!

Can you not ask them to stop letting him in their house? Posters are being rather unsympathetic. Unless your house has something that the cat finds distressing to live with - other animals, children, a lot of noise?

They don't have a cat flap; they are letting him into their house to stay there all day, knowing that he isn't theirs and that his family never see him. They must have been feeding him at one point as he wasn't coming home for days on end.

If they’re letting him in, and with no cat flap he can’t leave until they let him out, then I would speak to them about that. Tell them to stop trapping your cat in their house.

I'm sure he does like their house better as there are no other cats and no children there. My son cried for hours the other day because he misses his cat.

They shouldn't be letting him in. I think you have two choices here you either ask them to stop letting him in and keep him in at yours for a couple of weeks transferring ownership of the cat and all responsibility it isn't fair this way. They can't have it both ways and have the pleasure of your cat all day long yet you have all the expense

Really not relevant to this thread

And FYI it’s poor form to go digging up other stuff about the OP from their other threads. Second time I’ve seen you do that this morning.

Can the cat open the door?

Op it sounds as if the cat isn’t a good fit for your family. Clearly he’s the type of cat that likes peace and quiet and doesn’t like other animals or children. Have you considered perhaps officially passing him on to your neighbours?

Lots of people think it's normal for other people to let cats into their house - they wouldn't do the same with a dog. But yes, they are unreasonable. We've been having similar issues with somebody putting a collar on and at the weekend, a coat!

We've started locking the cat in at night to try and remind her this is her home and since doing that we are seeing her a lot more.

Sorry I should rephrase that - it sounds as if your family isn’t a good fit for your cat! Sorry. They are very particular buggers.

’our cat’ moved down the road. There’s unfortunately something they see there they like, maybe it’s quieter, maybe it’s madder, maybe there’s another cat, maybe it doesn’t feel safe with you due to an animal- unfortunately all you can do is make them an indoor cat but if they don’t want that that’s near impossible (we have one that hates roaming, had another that was in and out)

A lot of cats don't like sharing their space with other animals so that could be a problem. The cat is also willingly going into their house, knowing he will he kept in so obviously likes it. I think there are only 2 choices. You either ask them not to let the cat in or they take full responsibility for the cat and he becomes theirs. In law a cat is considered property so at a push you could say that by keeping the cat in their house they are guilty of theft...might be enough to make them think twice although as they aren't trying to permanently deprive you of the cat in might not stand up in law! 🤣

We have a neighbour that is the same. Whilst I don't have a solution, I can give you my own ideas on the matter and maybe it will help.

I have tried trackers, posters, collars, polite letters, keeping the cat in for months etc. Nothing works. Obviously, I have tried just talking to the neighbour but he always becomes aggressive and shouty, which isn't something I like or know how to rise to effectively... and so I have finally tried the "peaceful" option of just letting it go.

The neighbour did explain to me that "cats just love" him and that this has happened with dozens of cats before my cat - all of whom he has had to eventually rehome for one reason or another. He said he's never had a cat that he hasn't "rescued".

Online, this is something I see a lot of on websites like Reddit or Facebook - that some people just find they "have to rescue" a lot of cats. It's just how it is with some folk - they like cats and they have never had to go out and get one. They perhaps don't necessarily understand that a hungry cat is not a mistreated cat - most cats are hungry all of the time.

There are a few cats in my garden that mill around and whom I could probably "rescue" if I felt like it, but I prefer not to.

My other cat is a neutered male that came from Cats Protection, and who was called Wendy* because his previous owner had "rescued" him from her neighbour. Wendy was still microchipped to the original family and we had to wait 90 days for a request to expire so that we could adopt him formally. We don't call him Wendy anymore - but you see, it happens a lot. Rescue a cat from neglect... rehome the cat after some time. Rescue another.

Please note that I don't think this is the case for genuinely rescued and abandoned cats - it's just that pinching your neighbour's cat is a very common thing!

With this in mind, I will not be reassigning my cat's microchip to my neighbour and I will continue to maintain his vet care / flea treatments etc. when he stops by for a snack. I have a responsibility to my cat, which I will uphold until his very last breath. My neighbour might be feeding him 10 tubs of Dreamies per week, but he isn't responsible enough to look after him properly. And, one day, when he posts him up for rehoming on FB and drives him 50 miles away - hopefully, I'll get a call when they take him to the vet. I have increased the odds of this by setting the cat's microchip to "lost" permanently.

*names may have been changed to protect feline identity.