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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that people "stole" my cat?

129 replies

WoIsMe · 07/11/2024 09:35

One of my cats stopped coming home and I sometimes wouldn't see him for several days at a time. When he did come home, he would eat any food that was left out and then leave again straight away. I put a tracker on him which wasn't very accurate but I could see that he was spending a lot of his time a few hundred yards down the road. So I put up posters around that area asking people not to feed him since he wasn't coming home any more. An acquaintance saw the posters and let me know that her next door neighbours were letting my cat into their house. When they saw the posters, they stopped feeding him so now he comes home every day for food and then goes back to this other house. Recently, he was injured and one of the couple came round to tell me, so I could take him to the vet. So I'm paying for food, flea treatment and vet care for a cat that doesn't live here any more. I really miss him and these people are getting all the good sides of having cat while I pay for everything. So AIBU for being annoyed at the people that have lured my cat away?

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 07/11/2024 13:01

Radical I know but you could stop letting him out.

zingally · 07/11/2024 14:05

We acquired a cat in this way. A huge ginger tom appeared on the scene and started hanging around our street. Ridiculously friendly and would barrel into your house the second a door opened.

We never fed him, but he ended up spending more and more time at our house. Mostly just snoozing.

It turned out he lived with a family a few streets away who had 3 boys under the age of about 8... This poor middle aged cat just wanted some peace!
After a couple of years, the family wanted to move away, the cat was getting elderly, so rather than uproot him, they asked if we wanted to take him on? Of course we did. He spent his final 3 years living with us, enjoying the peace and quiet! We loved him very much, and still talk about him often, despite him being gone the better part of 20 years now. 😥

We'd never have stolen him, but unfortunately cats tend to make up their own minds about who they want to live with!

user1499128287 · 07/11/2024 14:27

I'd keep my cat in for a couple of weeks. Remind him of his home. Spoil him rotten and hopefully this will break the habit.

wavingfuriously · 07/11/2024 14:31

Cats often adopt other people and prefer having two homes instead of just one....it's just what they do..

Doliveira · 07/11/2024 14:39

I’ve had a situation like this. A cat running into our house anytime anyone opened the door, and mewing loudly outside at night. We didn’t feed him! The owner put a tracker on him and was forever texting me and coming to my door. The cat used to hide and be fast asleep upstairs and I didn’t even know. The fact is the cat liked our house and not his house. The owner had two young daughters desperate for their cat to like them, but their cat clearly just wanted a quiet house. I felt very sorry for all concerned.

coffeesaveslives · 07/11/2024 14:54

Cats are gonna cat.

Unfortunately, this is one of the risks you take when you let your cats out to roam outside your property - you can't control where they go or who they interact with. Mine all go out and I've seen them in the neighbours' gardens getting fussed and played with regularly.

I also know the middle one goes to someone's house as he regularly comes home smelling of perfume and various cooking smells, lol. All you can do is keep him inside or cat-proof your garden, really.

BeensOnToost · 07/11/2024 15:04

Can you bot just talk to them and day that you want them to stop letting your cat in or else you will rehome him? They can have first dibs but as you've said here, you're getting all of the crap and none of the benefits.

Hopefully it will put them off because they don't want the hassle of the cat or want it to leave the neighbourhood.

BeensOnToost · 07/11/2024 15:04

Alternatively, track it and knock on their door every day, they'll soon get fed up.

thismummydrinksgin · 07/11/2024 15:10

They need to stop letting him in! They have fed him and established a routine! I'd keep him in for a while

AlllSeeingEye · 07/11/2024 15:14

They should stop letting them in :( It's also an offence. There's a new law - Pet Abduction Act 2024. Although they haven't properly 'stolen' him if he comes home now, it still isn't right. They need to get their own cat!

BobbyBiscuits · 07/11/2024 15:16

You should ask them to please not let him into the house. I think it's a piss take to allow strange cats into your home.
My neighbours cat tries to come in but I always refuse him. They shouldn't be doing this. If they want a cat they need to get their own.
I imagine they are simply ignorant as to neighbour etiquette around cats. So make them know.

Sceptical123 · 07/11/2024 15:28

Catza · 07/11/2024 09:43

A cat decides where it wants to live. Transfer the ownership to them and get another one. Many of my cats wandered off over the years. It's just part of who they are and has nothing to do with your neighbours. Although, I suppose you should have asked them not to let your cat in when they knocked on your door. Did you?

Exactly this, they shouldn’t let it into their house. It’s not right. Imagine in an exaggerated example if your kid liked hanging out with ppl down the street bc they had state of the art tech and toys - you wouldn’t allow them to let them into their house and stay there. 🤷🏼‍♀️

minipie · 07/11/2024 15:54

Re not letting cat in: it is hard in the summer when everyone has doors and windows open.

But now the weather is getting colder and most people are not going to be leaving their house open. So now is the perfect time to say please stop letting him in.

Ohthatsabitshit · 07/11/2024 15:58

Put the cat in a cattery for a week or two then keep it in for a few weeks. It will resettle at your house and life will move forwards.

SharpOpalNewt · 07/11/2024 16:04

My neighbour is having issues with another neighbour actively trying to steal her cat. Feeding and encouraging it and keeping it in.

I don't understand these deliberate cat thieves, it's not hard to just get your own cat.

teatoast8 · 07/11/2024 16:06

YANBU X

Topsy44 · 07/11/2024 16:11

YANBU. I have a neighbour that does this - it’s not fair

Unforgettablefire · 07/11/2024 17:08

I had this with two of my cats. We have a "feeder" lives over the back of me, god knows what she feeds them but a few cats from our estate ended up living at hers.
I was out looking for mine and walked past her house, this was before I knew about her and my cat was actually sat at the window in her house, watching me walk along the street!
Another of mine never left home but she'd go out through the cat flap after her breakfast, and climb in a neighbours bedroom window to get into bed with the husband who worked nights.

It's what cats do, they say they have five homes. You could ask the neighbours not to let your cat in their house but it sounds like he's like a lot of cats and will just go where he wants. They aren't loyal like dogs are.

BobbyBiscuits · 07/11/2024 18:18

It's theft to steal a cat. I genuinely do not understand someone feeding regular meals to a cat you know has a home elsewhere.
If there's a cat flap, and your cat is friendly with theirs, then gently guide the other cat out. Even shoo him out. Not feed him and make him think it's his house.
It's true cats will go to a home with the easiest access and abundance of food. If encouraged. It's not an excuse. You're a grown adult who should respect property law and animals personalities. Tell your neighbour who owns it about that cat wanting access but don't allow it.
That's what I'd do if I was them.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/11/2024 18:22

Shut him in your home for a few weeks and love him to death before you let him out again to break the habit

user8634216758 · 07/11/2024 18:29

Surely this problem could be solved (and 99% of the missing cats on social media) by keeping it shut in your house. The local bird population would be grateful too!

McSilkson · 07/11/2024 18:51

Nobody "owns" a cat (or any living being, for that matter, but especially a cat). The law about "property" is bullshit. A cat is a living, thinking being, with its own will. You can imprison a cat, i.e., force it to be an "indoor"cat, but that's not the same thing.

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

minipie · 07/11/2024 18:52

Cats really don’t like being shut in, unless they’ve always been indoors and don’t know any different. Would you like being stuck at home 24/7?

McSilkson · 07/11/2024 18:58

If you actually care about the cat at all, why don't you consider what it wants and needs? Why don't you want it to be happy?

How sad, to imprison a living creature against its will... 😟 And so many people think that's ok. 😠So many people seem to lack empathy with other living beings.

Would you like to be plucked from wherever you are by a giant and forced to be an "indoor" human?

As for the birds argument: humans cause enormous detriment to the vast majority of other species on Earth, so I suppose it would justified to put us all in captivity?

dgirluk · 07/11/2024 19:04

I've had this with a neighbour who feeds our cat, loves her, cuddles her etc. We''ve managed to pretty much (I think) get him to stop feeding her treats, but I know he has cat toys and stuff over there.

At one point she was pretty much living there.

But occasionally we lock the cat in the house for a few days, to sort of "reset" her, which seems to work! I think she's generally decided she lives here again now :)