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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that people "stole" my cat?

129 replies

WoIsMe · 07/11/2024 09:35

One of my cats stopped coming home and I sometimes wouldn't see him for several days at a time. When he did come home, he would eat any food that was left out and then leave again straight away. I put a tracker on him which wasn't very accurate but I could see that he was spending a lot of his time a few hundred yards down the road. So I put up posters around that area asking people not to feed him since he wasn't coming home any more. An acquaintance saw the posters and let me know that her next door neighbours were letting my cat into their house. When they saw the posters, they stopped feeding him so now he comes home every day for food and then goes back to this other house. Recently, he was injured and one of the couple came round to tell me, so I could take him to the vet. So I'm paying for food, flea treatment and vet care for a cat that doesn't live here any more. I really miss him and these people are getting all the good sides of having cat while I pay for everything. So AIBU for being annoyed at the people that have lured my cat away?

OP posts:
namestevalian · 10/11/2024 19:39

Are you in London?

Are you the person whose cat is currently laid on the sofa with my cat 😂 as they are a professional tailgater

namestevalian · 10/11/2024 19:39

WoIsMe · 07/11/2024 09:59

I'm sure he does like their house better as there are no other cats and no children there. My son cried for hours the other day because he misses his cat.

Think about what's best for your cat - probably doesn't want to be around a child sadly

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 10/11/2024 20:27

zingally · 10/11/2024 12:54

Said by someone whose cat couldn't stand them.

😂😂😂 There you have it, folks. The true motivation behind this bizarre behaviour. It’s not about saving your cat from you, it’s about proving they’re better. Don’t believe their nonsense.

WoIsMe · 10/11/2024 21:10

He's 9 @namestevalian not a toddler.

OP posts:
Sceptical123 · 10/11/2024 23:22

McSilkson · 09/11/2024 00:37

Many domestic cats could survive in the "wild" (very relative term) in the UK quite fine. They may not be as "happy", and they'd almost certainly be a good deal leaner - though this would be to their benefit in a majority of cases - but they'd survive. As long as their natural instincts, abilities and physical characteristics have not been significantly impaired or mutated by humans - and that's sadly a big IF - most domesticated animals could get on just fine, and in some cases better, without us (thinking of all the overweight, underexercised, understimulated, bored, distressed dogs howling in their prisons homes across the UK).

A recent large study estimated that there are around 250,000 stray and feral cats in the UK. Many of these are former domesticated ones that were abandoned or chose to go their own way. Humans underestimate other animals and overestimate their own ecological importance.

I think it's morally repugnant to deliberately make another living being dependent on you, which is what humans have done, or tried to do, to many domesticated species: breeding them to have disabling mutations, not allowing cats to practise and hone their natural hunting abilities, etc. It's rather Kathy Bates in Misery, in my view.

One of the reasons I believe it's important to encourage independence in cats is that you never know what will happen to the humans of a house. When my former cat's human friend, an elderly woman, died, he was somehow overlooked by the woman's relatives, and he ended up living wild for a few months. When he turned up at our house, he was underweight and had a shaggy winter coat, but was otherwise in good health. He had many human friends in the neighbourhood during his life, but he chose me. We had met the summer before he was homeless, when he was on his travels, and when he was looking for a new home, he remembered me and and came back to me. Now that was special.

Human and non-human animals can share mutually beneficial friendships that both parties want and choose. Look at Diane Fossey and her gorillas, or Jane Goodall and her chimpanzees. Or you can lock up a weaker being in some form of cage and tell yourself you own it.

I also find the view that showing kindness to or spending money on other living beings means you own them disturbing. Charity = ownership...? Many homeless people would probably die if no one gave them food or money, so do the givers own the homeless people? People across the UK choose to put out food for wild birds, but I haven't seen many claim they own the birds. Ditto hedgehogs.

And that view has traditionally been how the relations between men and women has been seen. Women were "pets". Men paid for, housed, and "took care of" of them, so they felt entitled to claim "ownership rights".

And human children are not remotely comparable to cats. Unlike cats, most young children are truly dependent on the care of adult humans, but I hope that doesn't mean anyone believes they own their children! Though, sadly, some do seem have this attitude.

Anyway, that was a screed.

Good lord

Sceptical123 · 10/11/2024 23:23

Whoyergonnacall · 08/11/2024 18:53

DCat is part of the family, completely in love with my eldest, naps on DH every evening and and always comes home. However he is a very pretty cat and people are always trying to lure him. I was working from home and spotted my neighbours with a BREAKFAST BOWL full of dreamies luring him into their house! He also started to seem hungrier all of a sudden which coincided with the nice old lady up the road dying. That was when I found out from her son that she had been buying him fillets of salmon from the fishmonger, she bought him catnip toys and grew cat grass in her garden. 😮

What did you say to the neighbour and was the son embarrassed his mother was doing all this with someone else’s cat?

SleepPrettyDarling · 10/11/2024 23:35

I’d a cat once that moved in next door. My neighbour was on sick leave from work and DCat was getting better bed and board there than he was at home. He’d pop in occasionally to say hi but he didn’t really like when my babies arrived (and I wouldn’t let him nap in the Moses basket 👀).

zingally · 11/11/2024 16:09

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 10/11/2024 20:27

😂😂😂 There you have it, folks. The true motivation behind this bizarre behaviour. It’s not about saving your cat from you, it’s about proving they’re better. Don’t believe their nonsense.

"Proving they're better", you said it, not me.

Whoyergonnacall · 11/11/2024 17:21

Sceptical123 · 10/11/2024 23:23

What did you say to the neighbour and was the son embarrassed his mother was doing all this with someone else’s cat?

I’m not a monster so I didn’t mention it to the grieving son, but I did leave my desk and loudly bash my cats bowl with a spoon, while calling him when I saw the dreamies people. They now have their own kittens.

MrsB74 · 11/11/2024 19:27

We had a similar situation over the summer with our cats. A woman round the corner was feeding and letting in both of our cats - one more than the other. She absolutely knew who they actually belonged to as well. I didn’t realise what was going on at first and we also put posters up; my daughter was bereft without her cat. She admitted she’d had one of them for a fortnight! In the end DD (15) spoke to the woman - she was standing on her driveway cuddling our cat when DD walked past, so DD asked for him back. I think seeing my DD obviously upset prompted her to stop feeding them/letting them in. Apparently she has previous for taking other people’s cats in and keeping them. Both cats have been with us a lot more - both now coming home every day, so the situation can turn around.

ForGreyKoala · 11/11/2024 20:18

One of my cats moved to a neighbour's place. I fed him but other than that I hardly ever saw him. However, I knew he was happy so it didn't bother me. He moved because he didn't like the other cats I adopted.

As I write my neighbour's cat is lying on the chair in my living room. I didn't encourage him, he just likes visiting and spends a lot of time here in winter.

Cats decide who they want to spend time with. Your neighbours have stopped feeding him, but it seems he still likes to spend time with them, and that maybe your household is not so much to his liking. YABU.

emziecy · 11/11/2024 20:26

WoIsMe · 07/11/2024 09:35

One of my cats stopped coming home and I sometimes wouldn't see him for several days at a time. When he did come home, he would eat any food that was left out and then leave again straight away. I put a tracker on him which wasn't very accurate but I could see that he was spending a lot of his time a few hundred yards down the road. So I put up posters around that area asking people not to feed him since he wasn't coming home any more. An acquaintance saw the posters and let me know that her next door neighbours were letting my cat into their house. When they saw the posters, they stopped feeding him so now he comes home every day for food and then goes back to this other house. Recently, he was injured and one of the couple came round to tell me, so I could take him to the vet. So I'm paying for food, flea treatment and vet care for a cat that doesn't live here any more. I really miss him and these people are getting all the good sides of having cat while I pay for everything. So AIBU for being annoyed at the people that have lured my cat away?

Cats are massively disloyal arseholes. We live in Cyprus and our rescue cat used to fuck off for months in the Summer because the tourists fed him delicious bbq food etc. We didn't see him for months and one day whilst walking the dogs I saw him at a local hotel waiting for the kitchen to open. Little shite.

Ee1498 · 11/11/2024 20:33

You only have two options, give them the cat or keep the cat indoors (you could always install a catio, so he can go out in the garden but not wander.) If you really want to keep him as your cat, the latter is the only option. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, then you need to speak to the neighbors about taking full ownership of the cat and everything that entails.

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 11/11/2024 21:29

zingally · 11/11/2024 16:09

"Proving they're better", you said it, not me.

😂😂

FeistyFrankie · 11/11/2024 21:34

Keep your cat indoors to stop them from wandering, at least for a few days to try and break the cycle of them visiting your neighbour everyday.

Give your cat their own space in the house (away from any other pets) so that they can relax properly.

Feed them food they enjoy, give them lots of fuss. Hopefully your cat will find their way back to you.

Welshmonster · 12/11/2024 00:00

What happens next time they come with a vet bill. They can have the cat and the responsibilities. Change the cat chip to them and hand over details. Get a new cat for your kid and put an end to it.

I love my cat but I wouldn’t pay for her if she left me

Marmaladelover · 12/11/2024 00:30

If that’s my MIL again , up to her old tricks - would you like me to have a word…….?

zingally · 12/11/2024 09:11

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 11/11/2024 21:29

😂😂

👏

MyMiniMetro · 12/11/2024 09:56

Are people on this thread mad. Another person is trapping the cat in their house for hours at a time fussing it and playing with it and then sending it back to the real owner for food and vets bills. Frankly at this point you tell the neighbours in no uncertain terms, not to let the cat into their house or feed the cat anymore. Tell them to stay away from the cat so that you can retrain it to enjoy staying with it's legal family.

Tell them that you have a tracker on the cat and if they allow the cat into their home at all you will begin legal action for theft (or the very least half of the costs of keeping the cat if they're suggesting they're half owner) as cats are considered property especially if it's chipped and they are aware you are the cat's owner. Legally it's the equivalent of taking your car for eight hours a day without telling you. If you have house and contents insurance or any insurance for that matter, you probably have some element of legal cover. This legal cover should cover the cost of actually following through with at least a 'stop and desist' letter from your solicitor. That might scare them.

1mabon · 13/11/2024 11:15

Clearly, because of the song and dance, you are making you believe the cat is yours, but now that it needs a vet's attention, it isn't. What's going on here?

Pumpkinsoup24 · 13/11/2024 13:13

Put your cat on a leash and take it for a walk. We've become so uses to just letting them out and everyone does it...be different and start a different norm. If you're going to come out with cats are built to roam tye street and be wild then, maybe it's tike people should stop having them as a pet.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 14/11/2024 21:05

This is really difficult, I really sympathise and I totally get why you're annoyed - I'd be really upset if this happened to our cat, and really irritated a neighbour took it upon themselves to try and feed him. They have now stopped feeding him, so I guess they've realised from the posters that they were in the wrong, which is something (as a child someone took our cat, he walked home with a new collar on - people are mad).

I think you kind of know there's not many options now you're at this point, you could ask them to properly look after him (probably suits them and the cat but very sad for you and your kids), or you could try and keep him in your house more, at nights etc (better for you and the kids but will probably be very unfair on the cat). Or you can keep feeding a cat you barely see. There's no easy option and I'm not surprised you're upset, but probably best to do what's best for the cat now I think (however irritating it is).

LetsRedecorate · 14/11/2024 21:24

HScully · 07/11/2024 12:34

Meh, I stole someone's cat, the poor bugger was living in my garden 100% of the time in peeing down rain and snow.

I spoke to the owners they said oh he's an outdoor cat it's unfair to have him in the house. Once he found the cat flap I couldn't keep him out. He now sleeps on my bed in peeing down rain and snow

I wouldn't steel a well looked after cat, tbh I have cats I didn't want another but I couldn't kick him out knowing they wouldn't let him in.

I have taken him to the vets for issues so I wouldn't expect them to pay for him

Similar to me. We saw a tiny scrawny cat eating bird food in neighbours garden. Offered it some chicken as it was so underweight. Had a lot of scabby skin from fleas which were hopping on her! Gave her food for a week in garden and were due a storm so took for vet checkup, treated the fleas and dewormed, started letting her in house in the bad weather as she was always out (for two weeks). Put a collar on her and a whole month after we’d first seen her her owner knocked on our door saying we’d stolen her. They had several cats and I don’t think they could afford the flea treatments or vacs, and they said they were scared of her. She’s still here now living her best life and I make sure to tell her I love her every day. She gets cuddles and likes to snuggle in our bed in a morning. Shes a decent weight now and has some muscles on her back legs. I don’t regret it.

Souleater · 15/11/2024 02:14

This is like... The least terrible outcome of letting your cat roam around outside.

Sladuf · 15/11/2024 07:25

WoIsMe · 07/11/2024 11:40

I think it's gone too far for me to be able to get him to live here again now. As far as he's concerned, their house is his home now and my house is where he goes to get fed. He's a lovely cat and very well known around here. He likes to hang out in the children's playground and get made a fuss of so all the local kids know him. He's very striking as well; he's a large silver, black and white tabby, very clearly a well bred gentleman!

Sounds like a tabby cat we owned. This was pre-micro chipping and all that too. We got to know him because he was a bit of a wanderer in the early days and would hang around a shop the family owned at the time. He did go into other shops on the same road too but spent more time hanging around our shop because my mother and I gave him attention. There was a restaurant a few doors down and the owners of that were temporarily looking after him - they had other cats too - after his original owner had moved out of the area for a bit.

This business of the cat hanging around the shop most of the day went on for most of a year and then one day the owners of the restaurant said his original owner wasn’t coming back, so did we want to take the cat home? We already had 2 cats but I begged for us to have him. Parents gave in and we took him home.

He had a collar from the word go and was clearly a well fed cat. However, he was still wandering for a chunk of the first year after we took him home. He always came back but I can see that had we not found out where he was going and tackled it we may have ended up in a similar situation. We thought he’d gone missing a few times and went looking for him but he always turned up as if nothing had happened. Then one day when he was on the fence in the back garden we heard this daft voice calling him, “Freddie,” [not his name] and saw a hand stroking him.

The next time my father saw this lady who lived a few streets away stroking him he got talking to her and confirmed we were the owners. He asked her to stop letting him in and she must have listened because he suddenly wasn’t spending as much time away.

I don’t think the OP’s neighbours are helping, so I voted YANBU. They should be discouraging OP’s cat from coming in. It can be done even if you are a cat lover. However, some cats have a tendency to wander more than others, even if they have been neutered. Ours would spend hours outside, particularly at night, and was always getting into fights with other cats so the vet bills were much higher. We moved and it was still the same but as he got older he started to stay closer to home. There could be light at the end of the tunnel, OP.

My mother still owns cats but they’re indoor cats only. She has a big enough garden for a run so they do go “outdoors.” She’d always have indoor only cats now.

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