To be annoyed that people "stole" my cat?

[WoIsMe]

One of my cats stopped coming home and I sometimes wouldn't see him for several days at a time. When he did come home, he would eat any food that was left out and then leave again straight away. I put a tracker on him which wasn't very accurate but I could see that he was spending a lot of his time a few hundred yards down the road. So I put up posters around that area asking people not to feed him since he wasn't coming home any more. An acquaintance saw the posters and let me know that her next door neighbours were letting my cat into their house. When they saw the posters, they stopped feeding him so now he comes home every day for food and then goes back to this other house. Recently, he was injured and one of the couple came round to tell me, so I could take him to the vet. So I'm paying for food, flea treatment and vet care for a cat that doesn't live here any more. I really miss him and these people are getting all the good sides of having cat while I pay for everything. So AIBU for being annoyed at the people that have lured my cat away?

There’s an influx of unwanted cats post Covid. If people want a cat they can adopt one from a shelter. It really annoys me when people feed a cat or take it in that’s clearly not a stray. Cats will take food and a warm bed where it’s offered the little buggers. I’m sure someone is feeding one of ours but he comes home every morning. I can’t offer any advice other than to keep the cat in as PP have said or to go round and ask them not to let him in. Make sure he is chipped and the details are up to date.

That’s the problem with cats unfortunately. They do what they want. They may have fed it out of good faith but now the cat has got its paw in the door and it’s probably found a house and environment it prefers. Cats aren’t loyal creatures, and they give love and affection on their terms. Get a dog if you want loyalty 🤣 I say this as a dog owner and cat slave.

A neighbours cat would climb in through my bedroom window when I was teenager - I'd wake up to find him sleeping on my bed. Unless you close every door and accessible window, a determined cat will get in, and I don't think it's reasonable to insist people keep their windows closed if they like them open. I can't sleep with a closed window, so just had to put up with the visitor - he was a sweetheart anyway and didn't annoy our cats too much.

I'm with you OP. I think letting someone else's cat into your house crosses a line. Giving neighbours' cats attention and fuss in the garden if they come over is fine IMO, but not tempting them in and certainly not shutting them in.

If they love cats so much and want their company, there's no shortage of cats needing a good home.

Have you asked them not to let the cat in? You could explain how sad your DC is at losing his cat.
Can you keep the cat in yourself for a bit, in the hope of resetting him to being used to your house as his main space?

Your cat is participating in the Cat Redistribution System. This something you have little control over.

the only way to remove him from the CRS is to keep him locked up at home.

You pick a dog, a cat picks their home. If it wasn't them then it would be someone else. The only way to keep a cat is to have a house cat.

At least they are looking after it and not mistreating it.

@EilonwyWithRedGoldHair it's perfectly fine to pick up a cat and remove it from your house. Lots of excuses as to why cats are fair game.

Cats will do what they want. I have 6 cats at the moment and have had more in the past. Sometimes they don’t like being in a multi cat household and they move on. I have had two neighbours just adopt my cats because the cat prefers it there and the neighbour wanted it. Yeah, it sucks if you’re fond of the cat but the important thing to me is that the cat is happy.

But in my case, I wasn’t paying for vet bills for what has become someone else’s cat. That’s not on.

He'd climb in my window when I was asleep, I'm not sure it's reasonable to dismiss that as an 'excuse'. He'd go out when I woke up and let him out.

What do you think I should have done? Set an alarm for 3am to wake up to chuck him out?

That is really really bad of your neighbours
They are trapping your cat in their house .
You need to not let him out for some time ,so he gets used to the fact his home is with you

OP - this has worked really well with our cat. We've only been doing it for a couple of days and as she absolutely refuses to use a litter tray she is still going out but coming back instead of disappearing for 48 hours and coming back with some clothing or accessory added to her.

You need to shut your cat in for a couple of weeks and feed him the good stuff- lots of treats like chicken, fish, meat. Give him somewhere quiet to get away from the kids. Once he’s allowed out again, feed him something good every time he comes back in.
If that doesn’t work, face that he’s happier elsewhere and do what’s best for him.

Stop letting him out so he gets used to being at yours.

I would of told them since they are the ones trapping him in their house they needed to pay the vet bill.

YANBU They shouldn’t be letting someone else’s cat into their house. As you say, you are paying for everything and they are getting the “benefits” with no responsibility. If the cat has come to prefer their house it’s because they were encouraging it inside (and shutting it in from the sounds of it). It annoys me when people feed a cat that is clearly not homeless as it’s unlikely they are feeding medical diets or high grade food and of course it encourages the cat back.

I would remind them of all the things you pay for, tell them your son cries when the family cat doesn’t come home and suggest they adopt their own cat

Did he? Children are usually quite pragmatic about pets, especially as the cat is just down the road, and still coming to your house for meals.

I think it's gone too far for me to be able to get him to live here again now. As far as he's concerned, their house is his home now and my house is where he goes to get fed. He's a lovely cat and very well known around here. He likes to hang out in the children's playground and get made a fuss of so all the local kids know him. He's very striking as well; he's a large silver, black and white tabby, very clearly a well bred gentleman!

Yes, the majority of cats don't like being in multi-cat households. Some just put up with it unhappily, some show their feelings through behaviour like toileting outside the litter tray, and some just find a new place! Years ago one of my 3 cats started spending most of her time with an elderly neighbour - he didn't actively try to steal her, and was knocking on doors trying to find her home. We ended up exchanging numbers and I said I was happy her spending time at his if he was happy with it (she'd never been completely happy when I adopted more cats!). I still took her to the vets etc, and she was fed at both houses.

I understand that it's not nice for you, though, especially if your son is unhappy about it. Have you spoken to the people? (Sorry if I missed that) How is the cat getting into their house - and can they do something to stop it happening? Ultimately, it's not their cat!

If you want him back, and he is used to getting food at yours, just keep him in for a bit. Cats are creatures of habit, so you need to break the habit of him sleeping at theirs. Make him as comfortable as you can at yours, bribe him with nice food, a soft bed etc, and get him back in the habit of thinking that this is his core territory.

Would it not be an idea to steal him back OP? I'd shut him in at home for a week or two and totally love bomb him.
Id also go to the neighbours and ask them to stop letting him in.
Maybe drop in to conversation that he has persistent fleas/worms/mange and your wondering if the issue might be living in their carpet and reinfecting him when he visits?? I'm sure they'd keep the door shut then!!

Meh, I stole someone's cat, the poor bugger was living in my garden 100% of the time in peeing down rain and snow.

I spoke to the owners they said oh he's an outdoor cat it's unfair to have him in the house. Once he found the cat flap I couldn't keep him out. He now sleeps on my bed in peeing down rain and snow

I wouldn't steel a well looked after cat, tbh I have cats I didn't want another but I couldn't kick him out knowing they wouldn't let him in.

I have taken him to the vets for issues so I wouldn't expect them to pay for him

I had this in my old flat with a neighbour’s cat. Never ever fed it, but would get back from work to find it sitting patiently by our back door. If we were out till late, sometimes it would sit on our bedroom windowsill (ground floor) and howl until we let it in. Once inside it would demand a bit of a fuss/stroke for about 10 minutes but then just go and snooze on a chair for hours.

The owners were convinced I was feeding it but I swear I wasn’t. They had two cats and I think it just didn’t like the other one.

Great for us though as we got all the benefits of having a cat without having to deal with food/litter trays/vet bills/what to do when we went on holiday 😂

Have you tried shutting him in though? If my child was crying for hours because he missed his cat, I would at least be giving it a go before admitting defeat. It would be a good time to approach the other neighbours and asking them to stop letting him in their house.

They need to stop letting the cat into their house.

If I was letting in my neighbour’s cat for the fun of it, and the neighbour then told me that their child was crying for hours because he missed it, I would feel awful and rethink.

As they have stopped feeding the cat when you asked, it doesn’t sound like they are unreasonable people, so isn’t it worth explaining to them how much distress this is causing?

My cat walks through open windows into peoples houses. He doesn’t always wait to be let in.

The cat prefers a quieter life - let the poor sod be happy.