Play date in XL Bully house

[Bonneylass]

School mum has invited my son over to play. They own an XL bully. Apparently it’s a lovely dog and they have 3 kids at home. I really don’t want him to go, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. Is it best to make up an excuse or just be honest? Interested to hear from owners of XL bullies how you would react to this. She’s a lovely lady and ideally I don’t want to piss her off.

She must have a screw loose

It’s all fun and games until some loses an eye.

No, and tell her why. They’re lovely dogs until they aren’t.

I am a huge dog lover and I have previously owned a staffy which a lot of Mumsnet would be horrified at. He was a lovely boy but I would have respected anyone's decision if they didn't allow their children to mine because of him.

However, an XL bully given all the recent attacks would also be a no from me. I have met a few of them and given them a fuss and even allowed my children to stroke them (pre-ban) with me present and reading the dogs behaviour. I don't think they are monsters, but I do think they are unpredictable and I wouldn't want my kid squealing and running around near one.

I now have a little pug, one of my daughters friends is scared of dogs and even though the Mum is happy for her daughter to come over as he's a friendly little thing, my daughter goes to hers as she's scared and uncomfortable with him. That's perfectly fine with me too.

A firm no from me and I adore dogs. I would also be honest with her.

Suggest a day out or meeting at the park instead.

I see people are suggesting the dog is locked away , but it could get out , children open doors all the time

@Bonneylass Nope.

Her dog probably is a big,slobbery sweetie but it only takes one instant and your child would be maimed for life or dead. That gamble just isn't worth it.

XL Bullies are attacking at a higher number than other breeds. 2020 to 2024 there were 16 fatal attacks by XL's compared to 2 by Rotties. It's a much higher number than seen by other 'dangerous' breeds including Pits which was 4 in comparison.

Dog lovers can vouch for XL's being soft and gentle but something is going wrong with the breed to make them so deadly and you are right to hesitate.

Source

I have a cockapoo and lock it away when the teens friends come around. The fact she didn’t even offer to do this to me looks like she absolutely believes there is no danger. There is danger with every single dog as far as I am concerned. Just say that your son is nervous around dogs at the best of times so would decline an offer to a house with dogs anyway. And invite the child around yours…. I mean it’s win win for you and her.

I find some dog owners very selfish and it’s mad to me that this mum would even think it was an option to have young children around this particular breed of dog.

I have a very lovely dog (not a XL Bully) who adores children but is medium-large in size and excitable. When I’ve had play dates at my house he’s either gone to stay with family nearby or been kept in another room as I wouldn’t want him to knock a child over in excitement. I also don’t want visitors to my house who might not feel comfortable with dogs, have to feel on edge for their children. A couple of friends have explicitly said that they don’t mind him being in the room with us which he’s loved.

As much as he is a part of our family, he’s not an actual child and I think actual children should be prioritised. I’m a dog lover and have had many dogs but cannot understand people who forget that they are animals.

OP , you say you want to hear from owners of XL Bullies but they are bound to say they're lovely . The one that killed a girl earlier this week was described as lovely .

Apart from that , I cannot fathom the minds of people who would want to own one.

Jack Lis.

My child would not go near an xl bully if I can prevent in any way.

I have a chunky British Bulldog. He is the bestest boy in the world 🌎 but it doesn't mean anyone else needs to feel the same way. It is perfectly acceptable that people don't want their kids around unknown dogs regardless of breed - i personally dislike chihuahuas and Jack Russells. Just be honest OP.

I think I’ve said this before on a similar thread, I had to euthanise my loving and much loved terrier last year because she was suffering from a brain tumour.

The first we knew of it was when she suddenly started to viciously attack my elderly collie. For the 5 days it took to confirm the diagnosis I had to restrain her several times a day, and as the attacks were a type of fit, she absolutely would have hurt me during them if she was big and strong enough. I didn’t have a scratch on me from her fits because I could easily prevent her from hurting me or my collie.

Any dog can ‘turn’, through no fault of their own. It’s at best extremely stupid to own a dog that’s predisposed by breeding to sudden, lethal aggression which has been shown in many attacks to be impossible for grown men to be able to restrain.

I’m mind boggled that fear of offending the dangerously dim owner would even be a factor.

I don't have children

But I myself wouldn't go into someone's house if they had a bully xl. Ever.

You'll probably have to be honest with her otherwise you are going to have to keep making excuses and it will just get more difficult.

Glad to hear he is not going. In light of the latest tragedy I’m sure ( hopefully)the mother will understand.

Son went to school with a Doberman owner who let dog roam free in their grounds and didn’t bother letting people know. They were incredibly laid back, wouldn’t hurt a fly. I stopped ds going and had the lad at mine. Doberman got pts because it bit a visitor.
I have an elderly cockapoo, I ask visitors and supermarket delivery people if they’re okay with him. If not he goes in the secure garden.
I would not be allowing my child to a dog friendly house if the owner didn’t understand the risks.

She may be a "lovely lady" but do you really want to take that gamble?
Sure, it's a low risk, a risk that is there whatever the breed, but it is not under your control once your child is in that house.
No family ever expects it will be their own special Fido to flip, but, as we know, it happens.

Just send a light airy text saying that you are not comfortable with this and arrange to meet at a venue where dogs are not allowed.

Until these dogs become totally unacceptable, nothing will change around them. This is the thin edge of that wedge and we have to start this process with stuff like this.

I have a staffy and a Pyrenean mountain dog, both rescues, both lovely but both idiots. Any play dates I’ll have in the future, the dogs will be put in the garden or in a different room as I would not trust unknown kids with dogs. I personally am not crazy about play dates anyway and can’t see myself letting my kid go to many of them for many reasons, you don’t know what dogs are like, how they’re trained but you also don’t know who else has access to the house, older brothers, uncles, family friends. Too risky, just meet and hang out in the park instead.

I had arranged to go for a walk with my friend and our small children (all under 5). She told me she has a new dog, and asked if I minded her bringing her dog. Of course not! I asked a few questions about the dog from interest, how old, what breed etc. Turns out the dog was an XL bully! She wasn’t even going to tell me - she only did because I directly asked.

I apologised and said I’m just not comfortable having my children around an XL bully (they would be like bait running around in front of it on the walk!). She said ‘oh but she’s a lovely dog, wouldn’t harm a fly, she’s so gentle etc etc (they all say that until they maul their DC). She even had the audacity to complain that these dogs have such a bad reputation that they don’t deserve.

Anyway, we obviously didn’t meet her and we haven’t heard from her again since. This was probably at least a year ago now. We can’t meet anywhere outside because she’d want to bring her XL, we can’t go to her house because her XL is there, so the whole dynamic of our friendship has ended.

100% worth it to keep my children safe.

I'd rather my children had their throats remain intact so it's a no from me.

I agree, and a dog that knows it’s been locked away and can hear lots of noise from kids playing that it’s not involved in will be easily frustrated.

I’ve had dogs all my life and it would be a no from me.

My dog isn’t a bully breed but is big and be very bouncy and annoying, if someone didn’t want their child around him I would completely respect that, I wouldn’t be offended, I’d rather they were honest.

Absolutely not!