Play date in XL Bully house

[Bonneylass]

School mum has invited my son over to play. They own an XL bully. Apparently it’s a lovely dog and they have 3 kids at home. I really don’t want him to go, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. Is it best to make up an excuse or just be honest? Interested to hear from owners of XL bullies how you would react to this. She’s a lovely lady and ideally I don’t want to piss her off.

I’d also say no. Our usually totally placid retriever, who lives with kids, once snapped at a small child who suddenly grabbed him around the neck while screeching. Totally out of character. The difference with an XL bully is that it’s so strong and powerful and can kill a child very quickly.

It’s just not worth it.

Absolutely not. Not in a million years.

The friend can come over to you instead. Simple.

Glad you have decided no. You should not be concerned about upsetting someone in these circumstances by being honest.

I'd even be tempted to let the school know in case one of the children comes to school with an injury.

I would not make an excuse up as what will be your excuse next time. If she is a lovely lady then surely it won't piss her off. Just be pleasant and tell her the truth and invite their child to yours if you still want the play date. Your child's safety absolutely comes first even if it does piss her off

Exactly.

No made-up excuses, just say I can't expose my child to that risk. No need to say "I know he's probably very lovely but...". Just the bare truth.

Best to be honest and as impersonal as possible.

Thank you for inviting DC. Some time ago DH and I agreed (or I promised myself) that we'd never let our children be in the same house as an XL bully. But your DC is a sweet child and I'd love them to be friends. Could we have the playdate at a playground?

No way. And tell her why. I wouldn't even suggest the park in case she brings the alleged dog. Any other option isn't suitable prevention of risk.

Any dog can ‘turn’, through no fault of their own.

I wish more people understood that than being offended about people not wanting to be around their dogs.

Absolutely not. I wouldn't let DD around a dog like that.

I definitely would not go and I think I would say why as well. You are not being unreasonable.

We're facing a similar dilemma about Christmas now, because ILs are having my BIL's rehomed lockdown rottweiler over.

If I could trust them to be vigilant that's one thing, but MIL will be cooking, FIL will be negligent, and it's a huge dog in an unfamiliar environment with lots of flashing lights/smells and our boisterous one year old who has no boundaries.

No and I love dogs and have owed big dogs including a rottie too. I bet the house is small which clearly makes these dogs go stir crazy. Of course she might live in a rambling country estate where the dog stays outside but somehow I dont think so.

"Unfortunately it won't be possible for X to play at your home as we are not comfortable about X being in the same home as an XL Bully. No doubt [dog's name] is totally lovely and absolutely no offence intended here, but we are not prepared to take the risk, so I hope you will understand.

Would love to meet up at the park / soft play / our home etc."

Correction to my post just now ^ - good point about the park - they might bring the dog! Suggest dog-free indoor settings only!

If she takes offence then it's her problem.

Be honest with the mum that you just wouldn't feel comfortable leaving your child in a house with a large dog, We have a soft as brush dog who adores children but he is never left alone with the kids & if my kids friends come over I always check that the children are okay around dogs as he can get overly excited at the prospect of new human friends & barks alot but if any parent said they weren't comfortable with their child coming into house with the dog there then I would be completely fine about it, as even the sweetest dog can be unpredictable.

Absolutely not. I would just say to her face why but if you want an excuse could you say dc is allergic to dogs?
Most of these XL bully owners seem to get massively offended if you dare question their darling Fido. Beggars belief why anyone would buy one when they have children in the home.

Why would a "lovely lady" allow an XL Bully to share a house with children?

Was the dog her husband/partner's idea? If so, why did she agree to it?

There can't be anyone in the country who is not aware of what these dogs are capable of. I would not consider this family a suitable family to be hosting other children on play dates.

As a poster above has just said, if she takes offence then it's her problem. Invite the children to play at yours.

I'd say no. Especially if your child isn't used to dogs.

I'd be wary with any dog, more so with some, less so with others.

@Beeloux , I was thinking an allergy could be a good excuse, as XL bully owners seem to get horribly offended if anyone questions if their dogs are safe or not .

Definitely tell her. We have had a few kids with dog fears come over here and if it’s a long day that’s the day our cocker spaniel go to be groomed if not he stays on a lead or someone sits with him in the kitchen. If they’re reasonable people you can meet them somewhere instead or they can come to yours. If not, you know you can’t trust them anyway

I commented on a mail article recently regarding a poor girl being mauled to death by one, saying they should be banned. Had about 100 replies from XL bullies owners saying how dare I accuse them of being a vicious breed, that theirs is a massive softy and the signature phrase “It’s not the dogs fault, it’s the owner”. 🙄

No need to mention the breed, just say you don't want him in a house that has a dog. Both kids and dogs can be unpredictable.

No, no, no. This is the time to speak up for your child’s safety. Be honest OP otherwise they’ll keep asking and it will become awkward xx

Not a chance. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in telling her either, if she’s offended she’s an idiot. But then she’s already an idiot for owning one.

From me it would be 'thanks for the invite. I am weird about dogs and I don't send my kids into houses with dogs, so sorry! Your kid is welcome to come over to ours instead?'

I don't think I'm weird at all, but in reality that's what I'd say to save feelings/aggro at the school gates.