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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Play date in XL Bully house

457 replies

Bonneylass · 07/11/2024 00:37

School mum has invited my son over to play. They own an XL bully. Apparently it’s a lovely dog and they have 3 kids at home. I really don’t want him to go, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. Is it best to make up an excuse or just be honest? Interested to hear from owners of XL bullies how you would react to this. She’s a lovely lady and ideally I don’t want to piss her off.

OP posts:
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Whatafustercluck · 09/11/2024 09:51

I always in the past believed that it wasn't the dog but the stupid owner.I can't with these dogs.

Same here. My sister had a staffie, and I became their biggest advocate because for a long time they had such a bad reputation. She was absolutely adorable and totally changed my perception. I've met so many beautiful staffies, responsibly bred, raised, socialised etc.

XL bullies seem utterly unpredictable, many of them seemingly 'loving family pets' and then completely turning. No way would I want my child around such an unpredictably dangerous breed.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 09/11/2024 09:56

What possessed her to buy one of these dogs??

Is it simply a status symbol?

I hear a lot of 'it's not the dog, it's the owner' twaddle, but most of the people who are attacked/killed are regular families who presumably love the dog and don't mistreat it.
So, i don't see how they're the problem, rather than the smouldering Molotov cocktail they've brought into their home.

Frequency · 09/11/2024 09:58

user1471556818 · 09/11/2024 09:16

I'm a confident dog owner brought up with big dogs . I wouldn't let it happen but I'd be up front about why .
I read yesterday that 1% of dogs in UK are xl bullies but 75% of dog fatalities are from them. They aren't a dog should be anywhere near kids .
I always in the past believed that it wasn't the dog but the stupid owner.
I can't with these dogs .

I'm not so sure it's as simple as there is something wrong with the dog. On the one hand, they have been undeniably responsible for more attacks than any status dog before them. On the other hand, all of the publicized attacks can be pinned down to mismanagement or poor ownership.

The question we need to ask is are these dogs more prone to reacting to mismanagement and if so why? Or are there simply more of them than there were Pitbulls etc?

If we can decipher why this is happening we can start trying to figure out how to prevent happening with the next status dog.

Personally, I think it is a bit of both, poor breeding practices mixed with a massive boost in popularity due to celebrity interest in the "breed" with the added bonus of lockdown resulting in a massive increase of poorly socialized dogs of all breeds.

These poor animals are being dealt like drugs, by known drug dealers and criminals, in some kind of weird pyramid scheme. There was a documentary about it a few years ago (Panorama maybe?) Hapless idiots are being "leased" dogs they are told are worth tens of thousands of pounds on the understanding that they breed from them and the original breeder takes most of the profit. It is something that has never been seen before in backyard breeding and has resulted in a massive, sudden increase in breeding, and now the genie is out of the bottle it's going to be hard to get it back in.

They are breeding for size with no thought to welfare or temperament. The same thing is now happening with the Cane Corso and crosses thereof.

husbandcookingtonight · 09/11/2024 10:37

When I was about 12 my friend had a dog a collie cross, it was fine with me until I went in their house - for some reason I don't know if it was my voice but he did not like me in their house... There is no way I would put my child in the house of such a powerful dog

Cloudtime · 09/11/2024 11:26

Be totally honest and don’t pretend your child is scared of the dog. Explain that it’s you that have the concerns and invite them to you instead.
As an animal lover and dog owner , I do believe it isn’t the breed that’s the issue. I know several and they are all fantastic dogs. Unfortunately, their huge power makes any reaction potentially fatal so I would be concerned too.
If it was someone I knew well, had seen the dog interacting with my child more than once and had explained to my child how to behave I would be ok with it. Otherwise no for me. The risk is so small but too great.

WigglyVonWaggly · 09/11/2024 12:02

Also a ‘no’ and with the honesty that it’s because of the dog and nothing else.

JoBrandsCleaner · 09/11/2024 12:14

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 09/11/2024 09:45

Fuck that.

That was my exact first thought

Nanny1965 · 09/11/2024 13:15

Definitely no... you can't replace your child because you darent protect them. I live near the place the 10yt old was killed and after vixx taulorngoing in the river it's hit the community hard. Don't risk the life of your child with any dog. I've always had rottweilers . Once my grandchildren arrived i rehomed it to a friend.

Penguinmouse · 09/11/2024 13:16

No way. It’s mad that she has an XL bully in a house with children in to start with, but at least you can control that you will not send your child into that house.

bumblebee1987 · 09/11/2024 18:42

As a fully grown adult, who has worked exclusively with dogs for many years, even I wouldn't go into a house with an XL bully. So not a chance in hell I'd allow my children! I point blank refuse to work with these dogs, and if I see them out, I will cross the road or change direction. Why ANYONE has them in their house, especially a house with children, I will never understand.

MrBiscuits24 · 09/11/2024 18:50

Absolutely no way I’d be going.

RampantIvy · 09/11/2024 18:54

How did the conversation go with the dimwitted XL bully owner @Bonneylass?

HausOfLumiere · 09/11/2024 19:49

Pretens you’ve had a bad experience with an bully type of breed .. and say ‘i might be being OTT but I hope you understand..’

if she doesn’t then it’s not the end of world

BUT if you fear to ‘piss her off’ and end up making your LO go and G forbid something happens .. like the bully dog just doesn’t take to your DC (territorial- very common) and G forbid your child gets injured , disfigured or WORSE then you’d NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE yourself .. and these dogs are always ‘lovely and wouldn’t hurt a fly ‘ until the first they DO .. and then you’ll wished you had said an instant NO in the first place ..

I’ve worked with nearly every breed for decades and none can be 100 percent trusted ESPECIALLY these breeds

if you’re worried on your wording as you sound super polite and don’t want to sound ‘precious’ (cause i’m the same!) you could simply write this -

Dear School mum,
thank you so very much for inviting my dc to your home for a lovejy play date! However there was a very bad situation that happened as that I won’t go into but involved the exact same breed as your fur member of family!
My DC knows about this and because dogs are super clever and not to mention proper rice and territorial I worry that dc will give vibes off to your beloved dog!
I truly believe your dog must be a big lovely gentle giant and he sounds like a beaut full friendly dog being part of your and your dcs family!
I could be ‘overreacting’ but K thought you’d appreciate me just be upfront , frank and honest in why I’m going to have to decline!
However if you ever want to get all of our dc together at a family restaurant or a costa for hot choc and cake or a cinema trip before christmas we’d be more than up for that! Also your dc is always welcome to come to ours for a play date
thank you for your understanding and kindness
DC Mum x

HausOfLumiere · 09/11/2024 19:51

Sorry for all the awful typos!!! Hope beyond the typo errors my message still gets across 🙏

HereForTheFreeLunch · 09/11/2024 22:56

Another attack happened on a five year old child, poor thing. 😥

Rosesandstars · 09/11/2024 23:01

A bit like asking if you would send them to a friend's house who owns a lion really! Definitely just say no!

Penguinmouse · 10/11/2024 09:41

HausOfLumiere · 09/11/2024 19:49

Pretens you’ve had a bad experience with an bully type of breed .. and say ‘i might be being OTT but I hope you understand..’

if she doesn’t then it’s not the end of world

BUT if you fear to ‘piss her off’ and end up making your LO go and G forbid something happens .. like the bully dog just doesn’t take to your DC (territorial- very common) and G forbid your child gets injured , disfigured or WORSE then you’d NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE yourself .. and these dogs are always ‘lovely and wouldn’t hurt a fly ‘ until the first they DO .. and then you’ll wished you had said an instant NO in the first place ..

I’ve worked with nearly every breed for decades and none can be 100 percent trusted ESPECIALLY these breeds

if you’re worried on your wording as you sound super polite and don’t want to sound ‘precious’ (cause i’m the same!) you could simply write this -

Dear School mum,
thank you so very much for inviting my dc to your home for a lovejy play date! However there was a very bad situation that happened as that I won’t go into but involved the exact same breed as your fur member of family!
My DC knows about this and because dogs are super clever and not to mention proper rice and territorial I worry that dc will give vibes off to your beloved dog!
I truly believe your dog must be a big lovely gentle giant and he sounds like a beaut full friendly dog being part of your and your dcs family!
I could be ‘overreacting’ but K thought you’d appreciate me just be upfront , frank and honest in why I’m going to have to decline!
However if you ever want to get all of our dc together at a family restaurant or a costa for hot choc and cake or a cinema trip before christmas we’d be more than up for that! Also your dc is always welcome to come to ours for a play date
thank you for your understanding and kindness
DC Mum x

I disagree. You shouldn’t have to lie - it’s perfectly reasonable to just say “I don’t feel comfortable about a play date in a house with an XL Bully” and leave it at that. Maybe the Mum gets offended but frankly she should be embarrassed for having such a dangerous dog in a house with children.

HRTQueen · 10/11/2024 10:00

I agree

It’s unlikely you are the first for this reason and most certainly won’t be the last but maybe the only one who has been honest and don’t fall for the dog will be kept away from the children nonsense

she is stupid she putting her children at risk willingly everyday she has that dog

the government really need to do something urgently to keep children safe from such stupid parents

pestowithwalnuts · 10/11/2024 12:43

God no..
Most or all owners of XLs say they are lovely dogs la la la.
They're not. They are killers

Swivelhead · 10/11/2024 13:26

Penguinmouse · 10/11/2024 09:41

I disagree. You shouldn’t have to lie - it’s perfectly reasonable to just say “I don’t feel comfortable about a play date in a house with an XL Bully” and leave it at that. Maybe the Mum gets offended but frankly she should be embarrassed for having such a dangerous dog in a house with children.

I agree. Plus no one likes a lot of insincere waffle.

HeadacheEarthquake · 10/11/2024 13:33

Oh my fucking god why are you even contemplating it

"Dear xlbullyowner

Unfortunately these dogs are dangerous and I will not be allowing my children near them

They're welcome to come and play at our house!

Cheers"

Spotsmum · 10/11/2024 17:59

Absolutely no way! Please don't risk it. It doesn't matter how friendly this dog is, they are banned for a reason - the nicest, gentlest XL bullies have turned.

I have border collies and I would not be offended, much less expect, young children to be around them. All dogs can bite and you should exercise caution -- but one will ensure your child never comes home.

Rottweilermummy · 11/11/2024 08:18

As a Rottweiler owner myself I am quite sure there are people like yourself that would be wary of coming to my house with their children. I certainly don't think you're being unreasonable, but at same time It sounds like a nice family, could you not go with your child and spend the time with the lady u know then your child is safe or just invite them to yours, but I would be honest about that you were wary about the dog. The dog may well be fine if it's looked after. Yes they are stronger than most dogs hence the worst injuries/deaths but all dogs have the potential to attack ( which is why I have to be in total control of mine)

PadstowGirl · 11/11/2024 08:25

I'd go as far as to consider you neglectful if you let your child visit that house for a play date.

Would you let DC visit a paedophile because you wouldn't want to hurt the paedo's feelings? No one puts their child in danger.

The sooner people start to speak up about these monster dogs, the sooner their owners will realise that reasonable people won't pander to them anymore.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 11/11/2024 08:27

Would you really take the chance and have your kid become one of the statistics?

Those dogs are like having a smouldering Molotov cocktail in your hand.