Play date in XL Bully house

[Bonneylass]

School mum has invited my son over to play. They own an XL bully. Apparently it’s a lovely dog and they have 3 kids at home. I really don’t want him to go, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. Is it best to make up an excuse or just be honest? Interested to hear from owners of XL bullies how you would react to this. She’s a lovely lady and ideally I don’t want to piss her off.

Yanbu. They are always lovely dogs until they flip. And often it's visitors they flip at.

How are parents not being held for negligence for having these kind of killer dogs in a home with children. How is it any different to having a gun or drugs in the house? Quite clear the ban has done nothing

He needs to find friends with cats.

Even well-meaning visiting kids are stressful for the goodest, most genetically stable dogs.

And these are not those.

Jack Lis was playing with friends when he encountered this thing, called Beast. What chance did the lad have?

Yeah, no way would I ever allow that and I'd be honest about it. I'd be polite of course but I would be truthful and say I dont feel comfortable with your dog.

You have every right to feel that way. If you get a dog like that you will have to accept that many people wont want to socialise with it. Dont get a dog like that if you dont like it.

I would decline and say it is because you're worried about such a large dog. Offer to host at your house instead?

Make an excuse! No chance mine would be going!

Say no and be honest.
Stupid woman,risking her kids .
Social services should be able to intervene in these situations, clearly parents who don't give a shit

no

Yes, God forbid you "piss her off" - we cant have that can we?

Send your son over and worry the entire time, far better than letting some woman be a little bit miffed over a dog.

No, we can't make it, sorry.

You don’t have to be truthful in a confrontational way, if you don’t want to specifically say you are worried about her dangerous XL bully. You could just say that you/he is not comfortable around big dogs.

There are lots of people who can’t be around animals. My nephew was knocked over by an enthusiastic friendly golden retriever when a toddler. He was an adult before he could tolerate being around my sister’s tiny dog.

My husband has asthma and is hugely allergic to cats. He cannot go into a home with cat hairs/dander, even if the cat is shut away. All the cat owners we know have accepted us declining invitations. Perhaps some have thought we are over-dramatic, but no friendships have ended because of it. Even if they had, I would rather that than an unnecessary trip to the hospital (and remember, asthma can still kill young people. Status asthmaticus is a horrible and desperate thing to be dealing with when you’re on the other end) .

I’m not suggesting you lie, and give allergy as a reason, but simply to illustrate that most reasonable people will accept you saying that their (perfectly fine, in their eyes) pet is a reason you cannot come round, and even if not, c’est la vie. Safety is the priority.

Think of it this way. If your child was aimed or killed by the dog, would you be thinking "Well, at least I didn't offend the mum."?

I'd come up with some other excuse. I don't think you can really reason with someone who thinks these dogs are OK.

And even if they say they'll keep the dog away I doubt it would actually happen.

Glad you’ve said no. Not in a million years would I let my DC go. Honesty is best policy. You said she was nice so she will understand. Actually she is taking a risk asking kids over….

I wouldn't be concerned about pissing off an XL bully owner. The more uncomfortable their lives the better. Maybe if they find their kids have no friends, they might think twice about inflicting these awful creatures on the rest of us.

Really doesn't matter if you trust the mother. If the dog turns there'll be fuck all she can do about it regardless of how much you like and trust her.

I think you’re also asking for suggestions of how to phrase it?

’Hi Liz, I know that Fido is your family pet and you love and trust him but given all the recent reports about XL bullies I don’t feel comfortable with Jeff being in the house with one. I would love the kids to spend time together so perhaps Alan could come to us instead?

Absolutely not and be honest

she maybe lovely but she is very stupid
so don’t be surprised if she is offended as she has already shown you how stupid she is.

You’ll tell her. Then she’ll expect to reassure you.

I’d tell her a relative was attacked by one and so you simply can’t.

Be ready to back yourself.

My DC are adults know but it would be a hard no from me. She knows that XL Bullies have a bad reputation so she's got to be prepared that some people will want to avoid them.

The fact that they have this breed means to me no they aren’t trustworthy. People don’t usually make terrible decisions in isolation I find, what others have they made. I’d be doing everything I could to discourage the friendship personally, probably stopping the child going round would do it as sure the parents will take umbrage and think op is terribly unreasonable.

I look after kids in my house and I have the most child friendly, bomb proof TT dog ever. She acts like nanny the dog from Peter Pan. 99% of the kids I look after also have dogs in their homes.

However, I still never leave her alone with them. Even if it means I have to sit and watch while she snuggles up to the back of a snoozing child for hours on end. It my responsibility and she's a dog, not a human that goes by human standards.
Don't let your kid in a house with dogs that have been constantly over the news for killing people...

I would say Sorry but your dog makes me nervous ... would your child like to come to my house for a playdate instead?

No way. And I would tell her why. We have two small, daft dogs and I always put them
away if a parent tells me their child is nervous of dogs. If they have a dog that size they should be sensible enough to understand. If they don’t, as PPs have said, then they shouldn’t have it at all and your DS definitely shouldn’t be going.