Play date in XL Bully house

[Bonneylass]

School mum has invited my son over to play. They own an XL bully. Apparently it’s a lovely dog and they have 3 kids at home. I really don’t want him to go, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. Is it best to make up an excuse or just be honest? Interested to hear from owners of XL bullies how you would react to this. She’s a lovely lady and ideally I don’t want to piss her off.

Nope nope nope. Tbh not just xl bullies but all large dogs. I just won't take the risk.

I would be honest that you do not want your child in a house with this type of dog. A sensible owner would understand. If they take issue with it, then they are probably not responsible owners.

I've spent most of my life around gigantic powerful dogs and I would not enter a house where there is a Bully XL, Cane Corso, Caucasian or Kangal. These dogs may be perfectly fine with their owners and family, including kids, but they all have a wariness and distrust of strangers. That can make them unpredictable.

My breed is one of the dogs with a reputation for being fluffy gentle giants, but if people show fear of them I am always respectful of that, because I have distrust of many dogs myself. My dogs are never off the lead in a public place even though they are friendly, because I'm mindful of the fact that their size alone is intimidating. Other responsible owners of powerful dogs would say much the same.

Absolutely bloody not. My friend has stopped visiting somebody she knows with her kids because of the "lovely"
XL she has. My son is not allowed over to my neighbour for the same reason. They need to be culled.

Anyone waiting for the obligatory equal and opposite thread "My DCs friends are banned from visiting because of my lovely dog which wouldn't hurt a fly" (AIBU) ?

This from me too. For one thing, its not fair on the dog.

I agree to an extent. I have a large, powerful breed and if I'm walking on the street and I notice someone is nervous I will cross the street or move to the side to give people space to pass. However, I do exercise him off-leash. If I'm in a quiet space where you expect to find dogs off lead, with a dog who has reliable recall and you're worried because of my dog's size, that's a you problem, not a me problem. I won't let my dog approach you but nor will I cut down his off-leash time because you are uncomfortable.

I also extend this to any smaller dogs I walk, although not all of them are allowed off-lead because one of them has poor recall.

It also irks me when the same people who cross the road to avoid my Rottweiler cross make a beeline for my chihuahua. The dog you shielded your children from yesterday because he was a large breed would have sat and done tricks for them, laid down on command so they could pat him, and would have taken treats gently from them. The one you have let them run up to today, despite me asking you to stay away, is a tiny ball of rage, fury, and fluff who holds a special kind of murderous hatred for children and needs space, hence the lead that clearly states "I need space".

You cannot and should not judge a dog's temperament on size alone. It is best to avoid any contact with any strange dog unless the owner gives you permission to approach and interact.

Not a chance. XLs really scare me. I would be honest with mum and invite the friend over to you instead

No chance.

Absolutely not. You would be mad and irresponsible to send your poor son. I can't believe you are even considering it. Just tell her straight, there's no need to sugar coat it. "I would love our boys to get together and play, but unfortunately I'm going to have to pass, due to the dog" these dogs even turn on their owners, let alone a unknown little boy who will be jumping around and playing. It's a massive risk, please don't subject your son to being in the presence of such a dangerous, unpredictable dog.

Offer to have the friends round at yours instead.

As a dog lover (and owner)...glad you decided no to the play date.

My dogs are small but still would never have them around little kids. All dogs are nice until they aren't.

I agree. I have had large dogs in the past and as they were rescue dogs, would not allow children to approach them when out on a walk as I did not have 100% confidence they would react well. I now have a small-to-medium absolute cuddle monster (who was brought up beautifully from a puppy by her previous owner who sadly died suddenly) who is fantastic with all humans but would not object in the slightest in any parent was uncomfortable about allowing their child near her.

I would tell the parent you can't allow your child to come because of the dog. They need to know.

Couldn’t agree more and really sorry to hear about your own dog. That must have been awful.

@Frequency
Totally understand if your dog has good recall. Not all of mine have because they're Livestock Protection Dogs. I could let one of my previous bitches off-lead anywhere - she did have reliable recall and wasn't interested in people anyway. But in general, most of mine have been on the lead in public. As a lot of dogs should be, to be honest. I had a growling Cockerpoo rush up to my girl yesterday, it was off the lead in a residential area, my pup was on the lead.

BTW, I would be far more inclined to approach your Rottie cross than your Chihuahua, I must admit 😆

Why should the OP be expected to tread carefully around this "lovely lady" for fear of upsetting her?

She has a controversial dog in her house. She should anticipate that some parents will not allow a child to be potentially exposed to a large, controversial breed.

Definitely not, owner should understand why, sadly there’s just too many examples of these “friendly “ dogs turning on their owners to risk it

Totally agree. I had an ex who was savagely attacked by a Malumet as a kid and still has severe scar across his arms, shoulder, chest and neck. Still haunts him to this day - happened as he was riding his bike through a public park and the dog was off lead. He did absolutely nothing wrong and the owner called the dog but honestly when a dog is locked on and attacking like that he isn’t probably paying attention to his owner calling. It always friendly, has a great recall, great family pet, really soppy, etc dogs that mysteriously end up being the ones that do this because owners forget not everyone loves dogs and they are still animals. And yes I have a dog and grew up with large dogs.

No way. That family in Yorkshire had the dog for 4 years and one day it turned.

@PyreneanAubrie he's also part Beagle so his recall is reliable in certain, enclosed spaces. If I let him loose in a forest I would fully expect to never see him again.

An enclosed field with lots of dog smells and therefore few foxes, rats, and badgers his recall is 100% but my treats no matter how tasty do not outweigh the excitement of following an interesting scent trail. I also have to avoid letting him off lead anywhere he might smell my mother as he will abandon me to go and find her.

I can recommend "Are you Sexier Than a Squirrel" by Absolute Dogs if you want to work on recall.

The chihuahua is evil in canine form. He looks like butter wouldn't melt but he would kill you in an instant if he could. He's not my dog, he's my daughter's and I didn't notice his lack of socialisation until I took him on holiday earlier this year and he started trying to kill every child, man, or dog that looked at him. He tolerates strange women as long as they do not try to touch him. His recall is spot on until his murderous rage kicks in then all training goes out of the window and all he can focus on is death and venom.

He now comes out with me for training. We are now at a point where he can see another living being in the distance without turning into a tiny murder machine but we still cannot approach any other living thing.

Absolutely not.
Id just say you have a fear of any large dogs, and do they fancy a play date at yours or the park instead?? (Counter offers are always good to diffuse awkwardness!)

No never. Not once. Could never take that risk with my child's life.

no fucking way

meet elsewhere

Thanks @Frequency . I'll look up Are You Sexier than a Squirrel.

Training LGD is a battle because they have almost no prey drive and little interest in food/treats, at least out on a walk. When they're out they tend to focus on "what is in the distance that needs to be investigated..." and once you lose their attention they're off. They'll wander for miles.

It's good if you're making progress with training the Chihuahua but he does sound pretty terrifying 😨

Same - also South London. Possibly the same park - Ruskin Park? I’ve seen several off lead unmuzzled ones in there running up to other dogs and barking at them (they don’t seem playful).

Tell her the reason why. Might make her realise her dog is a danger regardless of how soft it appears. As for Upsetting her tuff your child comes first!