Play date in XL Bully house

[Bonneylass]

School mum has invited my son over to play. They own an XL bully. Apparently it’s a lovely dog and they have 3 kids at home. I really don’t want him to go, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. Is it best to make up an excuse or just be honest? Interested to hear from owners of XL bullies how you would react to this. She’s a lovely lady and ideally I don’t want to piss her off.

Please, please, please do not send your child to that house. Just be honest with the mum, while you appreciate she views it as the safe family pet, you don’t know it but do know enough about the breed to feel differently. I wouldn’t even go with DC to supervise.

Why should the OP need an excuse? Do we have to "be kind" to Bully owners?

I’d tell them to choose either the dog or us. Unless it can be kept outside the entire time?

There is no way I would risk having my child in a house with that dog. I wouldn't be sugar coating my thoughts about it, either. It's absolute madness to put children in danger. How many more kids have to be savaged and killed before the owners get the message?

Many years ago, my elderly neighbour was attacked on the street by a "lovely, friendly" Labrador. Seventy odd stitches in her arm. Within weeks she was dead, doubtless because of the trauma of the attack. That was a breed with a gentle reputation. We know exactly what these XL bullies can do. Don't give one the opportunity to do anything to your child.

It's called self-preservation and protecting your peaceful life. Don't fuel the fire. The XL Bully owners may be very defensive and not take kindly to their dog choice being criticised.

It's been my experience that the she may not 'totally understand' . It's been my experience that the owners of these dogs don't tend to be most rational people in the first place .

Be honest.

If she doesn't understand/is difficult about it, then so be it - that's her problem.

I love dogs, the bigger the better but when my kids were young we had a toy poodle with a bite force less than a hamster.

Before children, we had boxers and there were around for a while after ds was born. I NEVER left child and dog alone, not even for a wee.

My gut reaction is, sure id let ds for a play date but, actually, I don’t think I would. My core belief is that these dogs are simply too strong to have around children. There’s not a single person reading this who hasn’t lost their temper with their child and behaved in a way they now regret (even just verbally) and yet we give this trust to a dog??

She's not a lovely lady - she has a monster in a house with 3 kids.

These things are mutually exclusive.

Lifelong dog owner but I’d never go into a home that had an XL Bully —- and I’d never let a child anywhere near one.
They’re not lovely dogs. There is something dreadfully wrong with them and I hate to think what it is that makes them flip and how the dog feels when it attacks people it’s supposed to be so lovely with.

I have owned
a) a Pug who one day just flipped (think the child poked him in the face by mistake but still... luckily I was supervising the infraction and could lift said dog up and out of the room instantly. Had previously been bomb proof with my own kids and their friends.
b) a cocker spaniel who had what they called 'black cocker rage', many years ago and attacked and bit everyone who so much as looked at him the wrong way, including our own family who loved and fed him. Never me though-he was technically my dog but I was a teenager at the time.
c) two foreign rescue fosters who have both been unpredictable and nearly killed my cat and injured the eye of one of my Pugs
c) I have worked in Pug welfare and met a few VERY aggressive little monkeys - background usually unknown.
d) I currently own a Newfoundland and a Labrador pup, both known for being absolutely fantastic with kids-and no issues so far. We also had a family Golden Retriever who was amazing too-just adored people.

BUT
shit happens, kids can fall on top of dogs, they can hug them and terrify the dog as they don't like being strangled especially by those they don't know. The dog can be in pain and lash out as it is the only way it can communicate this.
In a nutshell, trust no dog, ever, with children who are unsupervised and in your case, and with XL bullies there is no way on God's earth I'd allow it.

"It's not the dog it's the owner"'may have some truth in it but I am a responsible owner, and look at the above! The statistics for XL's, sadly speak for themselves.

Use allergies as an excuse.

Absolutely not. Tell her whatever you feel you must, be honest or lie, but the bottom line is no.

Cannot understand people having these dogs around children - they need education on both parenting and animal ownership. It’s not about whether the dog is lovely or how long they’ve had it. Nor is it about there being some ‘bad dogs’, or ‘evil breeds’. The breed has very sadly been bred with two awful characteristics - instability/unpredictability and deathly strength. We should not tolerate children (or non consenting adults) to be around unstable animals who are capable of inflicting serious and sometimes lethal injury. It’s very, very simple. I’d no more send my kids to a house with an XL bully than I would a house with a pet chimpanzee or leopard.

Also - no point in supervising as if something did happen it’s unlikely you could effectively help.

Whenever I have a new child over, I always tell the parents we have a dog. He's a Labrador, so not a breed people are generally put off by, but I always check parents and kids are happy that there's a big dog about beforehand and I wouldn't be offended if they said they didn't like dogs and didn't want to come. It's a choice you make when you get a dog, especially a controversial breed, at the end of the day!

Fwiw, I wouldn't let my child play at someone's house if they had an XL bully. Not worth the risk.

That's a lot of people in the house with the dog. Dog may well find it stressful having one more unknown child in the house, and that is when incidents happen.

Q for those with older kids...do you check whether their friends have dogs, specifically XL Bullys? It has never occurred to me to ask my 15 yo to consider what animals are in his mate's homes.

The problem with this approach is then the OP is going to look like a bullshiter when her child goes across to the nice parents at number 12 who have a normal non-lethal dog breed.

Don't let your child go to their home. It's not worth the risk at all. If you are truthful, don't be surprised if it causes offence and they will be full of "oh but dog is great with our DC..." Don't be swayed whatever you decide to say. I wouldn't even agree to this even if they said they would secure the dog in another room.

No chance.
My daughter isn't allowed anywhere there are big powerful dogs, especially when I don't know them. This isn't just XLs. My oldest daughter went to her friend's house once. Friend has a Boxer dog but I did not know this, although it would not have stopped me allowing a playdate. I suppose I was naive but long story short she came home with long, deep scratches down her chest from her collarbone down to her tummy. The dog was undisciplined, allowed to jump up etc. The dad said it is his house and he can do what he wants. My daughter was there without me to advocate or help her, and 5 years later I still feel terrible... and shudder.

There isn't a single chance I'd allow my children to go to a home where I knew there was a dog known to be considered a dangerous breed. No one suggests ALL dogs can't attack, bite etc. But when was the last time a sausage dog attacked a child and killed them? It's about the power and size of the dog.

At fear of being flamed, you can usually tell from a line up who would own an XL bully.
I know of 2 or 3 people with them and if you’d have asked me to guess without knowing I would have settled on them.
You’re right though, definitely a consideration for a chat with older children. We’re lucky we are in a ‘nice’ rural area and you never see this breed or similar types. It’s all working breeds or family friendly pets, luckily. I can’t imagine the worry of children playing out if one lived in your road.

Not a chance ever

Nope, absolutely not. I’m a dog owner, but I’d say that about any dog who I felt uncomfortable with.

I'm on the fence about these dogs. I think, for the most part, with most breeds, it is the owner. These types of dogs attract the wrong type of owner (ditto Rotties, GSDs, Staffies, etc.), which is reflected in dog bit statistics.

Think about it, when was the last time you saw the local dealer wandering down the street with a pomeranian?

On the other hand, XLs have been responsible for far more deaths than their original pitbull counterparts and other status dogs. We don't have enough data to know for sure if this is because there are simply more of them or if the issue is with the breed. What we do know is that all of the publicized attacks can be pinpointed to bad ownership.

Whether I would feel safe with my kids being in the house with one would depend on what I know about the dog. Is it walked and socialised? Is it under control and does it appear well trained when out and about? Is it spayed or neutered? Does it live in the home with the family or is it constantly locked away in the garden/another room? Will an able-bodied responsible adult be supervising at all times?

To be a voice of dissent- if I know and trust the mother and family

That poor girl last week knew and trusted her mother and family.

Absolutely not, invite the kid round to yours instead so they can still have a play date, but of course never at their house.

We have two big dogs, one looks like a wolf. I've got friends who have openly said they don't want to come to the house because of them (the reality is my dogs are lazy lurchers and have more in common with a shagpile rug than a vicious beast), but I totally get it! Nothing to be offended about. Just be honest and tell her.