Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

This. They will be in school next year just start it now. Parenting is all about change and the next phase. This is the next phase. Value your relationship with your DH and some adult time.

So the one doing all the settling is being lazy, and the one doing fuck all but making demands is fine?

Very much so.

Generally practices develop where they sense and support the values and lives of the people.

An example would be that people eat animals we have as pets , our values and lives differ. So yes it does matter.

He is not being unreasonable but he needs to train 3 year old to sleep in his own bed if he wants to have sex so much. You've given him an alternative. Hes not happy. Tell him to sort sleeping out if he will only have sex in bed.

Right, so it's not about what works for you, and considering your own situation, it's about doing what other people do regardless of how that feels, or whether it makes you happy.

Put a camp bed in DCs room. Sleep on there and then gradually spend less time on it. I just switched to staying with them till they fell asleep.

Co sleeping is all well and good but not at the expense of your marriage

I think he's been pretty patient to get to three years co-sleeping and now would probably be a good time to transition away. You're not unreasonable for wanting to co-sleep but you've had three years and it would be good if DC learnt to sleep on their own now, i'm sure DC will come back in the bed sometimes but would be nice for your husband to establish a baseline x

It isn't working for the husband!🤦‍♀️

Not read all replies, just OPs posts.

OP has not once stated she is having sex next to her 3 year old, rather has noted it is understandable that that should not be happening. DH doesn't want to have sex in the spare room. Going against grain here but I don't understand the massive issue with co sleeping. It is culturally appropriate in so many places around the world and often until a much older age (generally stops prior to adolescence). Generally what happens is, child/ren are put to bed in 'marital' (family) bed and then couple have few hours evening together during which sex can be had elsewhere, e.g. spare room. Then, they or just mum returns to 'marital' bed to sleep alongside kids and dad is present or sleeps elsewhere. Tadaaaaa. I get that this doesn't work for a lot of people but it is the norm world over in many cultures. It certainly doesn't prevent those cultures from having sex and I think they'd not love that so many are labelling the situation as abnormal.

100% with your husband.

Your child should be sleeping alone now.

This is all very wrong.

Which is the only reason they need to work together to find a solution that works for them all. It makes no different whatsoever what normal is.

Lots of things are normal in other cultures, it doesn't mean that it translates well to ours though.

Absolutely grim wanting to have sex with your 3yo in the same bed.

If the father is uncomfortable and feels it is inappropriate then the solution isn't co-sleeping. To be quite honest from a child protection aspect no man I know would put themselves in a vulnerable position.

Child goes to childcare makes a reference to father and mother in their bed and any innocent comments could trigger SS. Naivety isn't going to stop that bomb going off in someone's life.

Sorry OP, it’s time for them to adjust to their own bed. For the sake of your child and your marriage.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Nothing less passionate than hey fancy going to the spare room for a shag 😅

Id be trying to get the little room to sleep in their room. We had to do the whole holding hand till they fell asleep with one and then slowly it moved to just being in the room sat down, then sat by the door to tuck up kiss night and off they fell to sleep.

Yeah the up and downs for the first week are annoying but no harder than having a newborn and again it’s a stage they grow out of. As long as you don’t make putting them back to bed a song and dance or “fun”. Toilet, kiss tuck up. Leave rinse and repeat.

I bed share with my 3.5 year old and she's still breastfeed (mumsnet loves this).

My husband usually sleeps with us, we have a super king bed. But if he snores he moves into the spare.

We still have a sex life! But obviously not when our child is in the bed. We go downstairs or spare bed. My husband knows this isn't forever. We both know that.

I think your husband should just suck it up and have sex elsewhere in the house.

You don't have sex at all. Has it been that way for 3 years? No wonder your DH is pissed off. Having sex on a schedule or having to move rooms is a great way to kill intimacy.
Put your child in their own bed, you'll have a few disturbed nights but it will be worth it. As your child wakes both of you up at night no-one is getting a descent nights sleep anyway.

Madness. The kid isn't even 3. Literally thousands of kids spend time in their parents bed at that age. It's a loving and caring parenting method whether you agree with it or not.

It's her DH that's refusing the sex, not op.

Are you reading the words?

Some very judgemental responses here. My husband and I co slept with our kids when they were little, but by this age we did it by settling then in their own bed and one of us getting in with them if they woke (2 kids with their own separate beds so one each). If both kids slept through then we both slept in our bed by ourselves all night (in reality this didn't happen for a few years). But generally they didn't wake until the ams so we did have 'bedtime' together.

Is that a halfway that might work for you?

Also on the cosleeping thing my kids are 6 and 8 now and sleep happily in their own beds through the night.

If you read the OP she never said that. She specifically says she’s offered to have sex on sofa and spare bed but DH is the only who only wants to have sex on the bed & is making her kick DS out.

Myself or my husband get my 3 and 7 year old to sleep in our bed so that we can have stories together, then they are moved into their own beds. My 3 year old wakes up every night somewhere around 11pm/12am and gets into our bed for the rest of the night as neither of us mind and realistically it's doesn't last forever and we both want to enjoy themselves sorts of things while we can. SO, if we're having sex it's in our bed before 3 year old comes in. Would this be something that works for you guys? It's not fair that you have to be the one to have a restless night.
Everyone's seems to think you have sex with your toddler in the bed but I'm confused as I don't think that's what you said?