To ask if your life changed in an exciting or good way after 45?

[Teeeppp]

Just that really. I’m stagnant. I’m lonely. My good years feel gone. Single parent to an 11 year old and 43 tomorrow. Just don’t really have any hope for the future anymore

It definitely gets better. You gain confidence and time to try new things. I am early 50s and it is better than early 40s for me.

Yes I agree - I'm 48 and I feel much happier and confident than I have ever done. I'm looking forward to hitting 50!

I found it got better once children were more independent and I then had time to enjoy my own hobbies.

Life changes. I think you might gain contentment more than excitement, which is better really. What has helped me is writing a bucket list. I felt as though I had nothing to look forward to, but writing a bucket list made me realise there’s plenty to look forward to!

God yes. Once the last kid went to uni I moved into London. The last 8 years have been by far the best yet.

You are entering the ‘don’t give a shit’ phase. Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Please get yourself a little treat to enjoy .

Your 11 year old is going to start hitting the angst years, so see if you can find a hobby that lets you meet other mums.
I joined a gym. If you have time, Pilates is having a moment. But also , look at walking clubs, book clubs, etc

Try to make some time for you, no matter how little.

Once dc didn’t need babysitting any more, I refound my freedom, and rediscovered the person I was before I had children. Am really enjoying this phase, as life has just gotten easier. I can walk out the door without issues, don’t have to organise childcare, or anything around their clubs/activities.
It helps to have lots of interests or hobbies to enjoy more time to yourself.

Yes.

I trained into an entirely different field job and returned to the full time workplace at 47. About to start training for a promotion next week. It’s tiring but very rewarding.
Not going to lie and say I’m looking forward to 50 next year though!

My DC are now 18, 16 & 13 and I can definitely start to put myself first some of the time - not meaning to sound like a bad mum, just after nearly 20 years of giving up most things it’s nice to be a priority sometimes.

I'm not there yet age wise but think it depends more on your child's age. DDs start to High School to 13 was rough she needed me more emotionally than previously. She's 15 now, back to her robust independent self, I have evenings to do as I please as she can be left alone or has her own plans etc so my life is alot more interesting than when she was 11. We can see grown up theatre and cinema together, go to grown up restaurants etc. I restrained and started in a new industry when she went to High School as I didn't need childcare in the holidays etc.

I had a baby

both good and bad!

I’ve found it’s more about your DC’s age than your own.

I’m 46 with one adult DC and pretty happy with life. Things started getting much easier when he hit about age 15.

I’ve just started my teacher training at 48. And there’s several people on the course who are older than me.

Op, I know exactly what you mean, I sometimes feel like you (around the same age) x
No advice - but I love the bucket list idea!

Happy birthday 🥳!

My best years started at 58, and I had very little money at the time. I am 68 now and love my life! At 58, I was made redundant, so I went to Seville, Spain for 3 months to qualify in teaching English. Other adventures - I joined a choir, worked at music festivals, including Glastonbury, started wild swimming before it got so popular, currently work at the theatre, and get to see all the touring West End shows for free. I got a job at 60 with an up market travel company and travelled all over Europe and only recently retired. I have a lovely man in my life, we met 4 years ago. We both have our own homes, but we spend lots of time together and go on holiday as much as possible. We have both worked really hard all our lives and are both good with money, so it stretches a long way. I am meeting him for a lunch date tomorrow ❤️ Happy days.. you only live once!

Honestly i have friends who have died in their early 40s - they had only really started getting into the swing of life. It is so young. Whenever I miss my 20s I remind myself that becoming middle aged and then old is a privilege.

@Teeeppp

Honestly 43 is no age now. Your child is 11, they will be more or less an adult when you are 50.

You could have another 30 or 40 years left. Don't waste them
All the best things in my life happened over the age of 40. At 45 I stumbled into my dream job. At 47 I adopted my son and found a whole new community of friends.
My son is 20 now, we have a fantastic relationship, still do things together and it's the best feeling to see him happy and building his own life. We have had many adventures along the way.
At the risk of sounding middle aged and boring, I got an allotment at 50 and it really is my happy place.
At 58 I left a rather boring job and have become a foster carer. It's hard work but it's rewarding.
At nearly 60 I live in a bog standard Victorian terrace, nothing flashy but it's our home and I love it.
Why do you think there is nothing to look forward to?

My friend had 2 babies!

Amazing post. Congrats on all your achievements x

OP, my 45 yo sister was ditched by her husband for a much younger woman around six years ago. Had a long period of just getting on for her kids and then, out of nowhere, had the most badass 2024. She got an incredible job, was accepted on a prestigious creative writing course and has been dating many hot and interesting men. She honestly thought life was going to be an utter drag but she's living the dream just now. Luck can turn. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY X

A fair few of my friends’ marriages are ending in their 40s and I think there will be a growing trend of single people with older children that are ready to find new friends and partners. Life might look a bit grey right now, but if you explore new opportunities, you might find you get a whole new life to love.

Oh yes.
So many things.
Declared Cancer free.
DC got to an age when I could go out and leave them for a while without needing a sitter
(Clearly linked to that) Reconnected with friends it had been difficult to find time to spend together whilst dc were little
Made some new friends
Paid off mortgage - which freed up money every month
Took up a hobby I'd stepped back from when dc were small
Some holidays I'd not done before.
Then you get into the stage when dc are becoming witty, capable adults in lots of different ways and it's great to see all the hard work from the early years coming to fruition.
It just gets better and better.

Yes, I was just thinking about this the other day - my life definitely changed / improved once I got to my mid-40s. I think before that I was knee deep in having small children and did very little other than work or take care of the kids.

In the last five years I've tried a number of new things and I'm in the middle of changing careers and feel that I know myself, and what I enjoy, much better than I ever did when I was in my 30s. Back then I did a lot of things because I thought I should. Or didn't do things because no-one else was doing them.

My advice would be, just find one NEW thing to have a go at - it could be a new sport, learning a language, an art class, a choir, go to the theatre, maybe even something that's outside of your comfort zone. And see where it takes you.

I think if you really want things to change or be more exciting you can't passively sit there just waiting for it to happen, you have to be the change if that makes sense?