To ask if your life changed in an exciting or good way after 45?

[Teeeppp]

Just that really. I’m stagnant. I’m lonely. My good years feel gone. Single parent to an 11 year old and 43 tomorrow. Just don’t really have any hope for the future anymore

Oh yes! I was really sad for much of my 30s and early 40s as never found the right man and had wanted kids. I met my now husband a few years back aged 47 and life is absolutely transformed. Some big challenges along side - elderly parents, work is hard, and wouldn’t want to have kids (by any means) now, not got the energy, so there will always be some sadness I missed that chance, but my god I am loving life in my 50s. In fact it probably all changed in my mid 40s when I decided to up sticks and move town on a whim, which started a whole new adventure

I do martial arts, yoga, run, am writing a book, have a job I should be estactic to have. I should be content I'm bored. I feel like I'm tredding water waiting.

46. DD 12.

@Azuresky68 Your life sounds amazing! Especially the job with the travel company, would love to do that in the future, what was your role?

Thank you. I worked freelance for the travel company. The title was Tour Manager then changed to Holiday Director. Met all the clients on a group tour at the airport in London, travelled with them and spent all my time with them for 8 days..meals, trips, socialising. Sorted out issues and made sure everyone was happy. Then travelled back with them. It's not the same as being a resort rep. Had some challenging times, eg theft, injury, complaints, flight delays, lost passports but overall it was a great job and it meant I travelled a lot when I had no money and at the time most of my friends were married and I was divorced. My forties and fifties were pretty grim so I am making up for that now...as someone else said you have to go out and make things happen and it's a lot easier when your children are older. Good luck to anyone who is struggling with life...things won't always stay the same ❤️

Inspiring thread. Thank you.

Absolutely 💯 makes sense!

Have to be the voice of dissent and say not yet...

Now late 40s. Had dc quite late so they are still Primary school age and need me a lot still (no complaints, I love being a mum, but time is squeezed), elderly parents are ailing and need support, work is okay but full on, I am perimenopausal and exhausted. Relationship with dh is also more rocky - both hitting mid life angst but want different things.

So life is still good in lots of ways, but I don't see lots to look forward to. The idea of dm dying and dc growing up really scares me.

Yep, l was a single mum to two kids, youngest went to uni when l was 48, then accidentally met someone, now married at 58 , kids all independent, life so much better in every aspect.

Hmmm. Well. Post 45 what have i done. Paid off the mortgage. That's a big plus. Gone from 4 dependent kids to one. Another plus.

Financially things have eased up a lot.

Got a puppy when i was 46 and then a second one when i was 50 and that took my life down a different path dabbling in competitive dog sports. Met a whole load of new folks through my dogs and know all sorts of things about working with dogs that i never knew before.

Now late 50s. Yes, i would say post 45 has been all right for me actually. And my health has stayed good so no complaints.

Yes.

We had 3rd child. Not planned. Might not be recommended.

I have taken up volunteer work again. New great friends, a lot of fun, fuss and get together. I really enjoy it.

You need to face the world and make things happen. Don't wait around.

I completely sympathise op , I had a period of feeling like this in my mid forties, I’d always been so upbeat and positive but life felt very “ meh” .

What made a huge difference to me was starting hrt , I started sleeping better & it definitely got my mojo back.
Mid fifties now and life is fab, I did extra training so that a I can work, self employed for less hours, so more free time along with less dependence from the kids. Means more time to do things I love to do, but more importantly I have the motivation to do them ( which I think I lost in what felt like life’s drudge !)

My life transformed between 40 to 50.
but it didn’t transform through me sitting on my backside and feeling sorry about myself - sorry OP!

I set up a business at considerable personal risk, I’ve learnt a language, I’ve learnt to paint, I found a life partner.

none of it happened overnight.

you need to be the change you want to see, identify the goals to pursue, lessons to learn, business to set up, hobby to indulge.

what do you need to stop doing too?

Bit what if you do all those things but still feel bored? Meh? But not depressed?

Ps. And there have been many hard and dull moments and it’s not like I’m some Duracell bunny now who never feels bored or unhappy.

bring content in life is an ongoing life’s work

I got a promotion with a big pay rise and am looking forward to continuing to build and advance my career.

I am 46 now and my ds is nearly 14, am married but I don't see being single as being lesser. I am looking forward to lots of fun stuff planned with friends and family and also have events and gigs planned for just me and ds which is another great thing as they get older imo.

I also try and crsm in hobbies and interests I have a full life imo.

After 41 my life finally got better. I had dd and bought a house so escaped the rent trap that had us moving every 6 months. I've got so many friends now. I spend my 30s lonely mainly as we were moving so much. I love my 40s! Best years so far! Can't wait to see what the 50s bring in a few years. Embrace your 40s op. You say you are lonely can you join a reading group, go to a community college and do a course, go to the gym.... Good luck op x

Enjoy your 40’s because 50’s is crap

Sounds idyllic. Love this

This is exactly right. When you are young you are on a conveyor belt of exciting thing - university, new career, now cities, now relationships, buying a house, getting married, having kids. Obviously many of us skip a few of these but there is always something new and promising on the horizon, and it happens automatically. Whether some of these events actually fulfill their promise is a different matter, and it is worth thinking about that now that you are more free to think "What do I actually enjoy?".

At 43 you can make new friends, find a relationship, change career, move to a place you like better (or back where your family lives), get healthy, travel etc, but you have to decide to do it, and then do it. It doesn't happen automatically.

I met my DH at 45 after 2 failed marriages. It was the best thing ever to happen to me.

I'm nearly 60 and for me the best years were the child rearing years.

Since I was 55 it has all been about work and taking increasing responsibility for aging PIL (probably my parents too soon). So swapped looking after DC for looking after PIL!

My PIL said that they had their best years post 60 when they retired and spent months on end travelling around Europe in a motor home.

We don't have their pensions unfortunately but maybe things will improve for us when we eventually retire.

It seems like the worst years are 55-65 then things will hopefully improve again.

I am mindful of this too.

This mine are 18 & 20. Just trying to tell DH I don't need to know what is for dinner every night.

Listen, it's only "over" if you think it is. Whether you think you can or you cant, you're right.

I started a business in my early 40s and now employ 40 people. I couldnt have done that if I thought everything was over and gone. This is 100% about your mindset.

Set a goal to change your mindset and I guarantee you, you'll be pleasantly shocked at the results

I qualified in a new career at 46, met my dh at 47. This was after a horrid divorce with 2 young children. I discovered I loved hiking in mountains and became far more accepting of myself than I was in my 20s. Life isn’t over! Think about what would really give your life meaning.