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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if your life changed in an exciting or good way after 45?

115 replies

Teeeppp · 06/11/2024 20:15

Just that really. I’m stagnant. I’m lonely. My good years feel gone. Single parent to an 11 year old and 43 tomorrow. Just don’t really have any hope for the future anymore

OP posts:
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Bunnycat101 · 07/11/2024 07:53

As I get older I admire my granny and her older years. She was left by my grandad in her 50s (he had an affair and moved abroad). She has very little and had to start over again but my god she threw herself into life. She had a very full social life and had so many friends into her 80s. By all accounts him leaving was the making of her really.

The intense child-rearing years are so very intense I think a lot of women lose a bit of themselves.

cheezncrackers · 07/11/2024 07:54

Yes! Since 45 I've take up running, my kids are now teens so I have much more time and independence and I'm about to return to work. I'm not sure if that will be good or bad, but I feel ready for a new chapter. I'm 50.

MeanderingGently · 07/11/2024 08:09

Oh OP, I really feel for you. Yes, it truly does get better, although I too wouldn't have believed that in my 40s. I was rock bottom, newly divorced with two young teenagers, desperately poor, thought I couldn't go on. Everything was a struggle and there were times when I wished I wasn't on this earth at all.

Honestly, teenagers grow up. While you're going through it, it feels like you have children forever, but amazingly they grow up, become independent, you worry less about them, they get part-time jobs, then leave home/go to Uni or whatever.

You become freer than you've ever been. You have more experience workwise so manage to change jobs, you start to meet new people and make friends you didn't have when you were married, and those friends become supportive and good fun. You might even have other romantic relationships, you can't imagine that now but it will happen if you want it.

Eventually I got a job which really paid a decent wage and (at the time) also gave me accommodation. I made a move across the country, gained new skills, started to do things like travelling as I had the freedom and salary to do that. I would never, ever in my lowest days have thought I could do so much, see so much or learn so much.

I am in my 60s now, my life has had many twists and turns since my 40s and I have lived, and worked in various parts of the country and abroad. I am happy and content both with my age, stage and position in life, I have good memories and a supportive friendship circle and lots of things that I still want to do.

I don't want this post to sound self congratulatory - I do apologise if it comes across that way - I just want to reassure you that things really do get better. I have told you the things I'd liked to have told my past self if I could have gone back in time....honestly, hold on in there, believe in yourself, keep going and you will be fine. Life will get better, truly, it really will.

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/11/2024 08:21

BlessicaBlimpson · 06/11/2024 20:29

I found it got better once children were more independent and I then had time to enjoy my own hobbies.

Absolutely agree with this. Find something you want to do, maybe just once a week and start to include it in your life. Talking to other people can be great as they may change your perspective/have a different view.

grannycake · 07/11/2024 08:34

i went to Uni at 40, teacher training at 43 and had a senior post from 50. \i'm now retired and loved my last years in the workplace - I retired at 66

namechangezx · 07/11/2024 08:38

Yes
Got divorced after 25 years
Managed to buy my own house and progress career with sole custody of 2 DC at home still. Wasn't easy but we made some great memories.
Met now DH on line dating.
We've been together 8 years and have never ever been so happy. Feel so so lucky every day. My life got so much better but to be fair I was happy single and that's a good place to be iykwim.

Fadedchintz · 07/11/2024 08:39

Yes - at 55 I started training as a counsellor and am now working. It's the best thing I've ever done and I wish I'd done it at 45.

CheekyHobson · 07/11/2024 08:45

46 left emotionally and financially abusive ex. Got amazing high-paid full-time job in a field I love, working with great people.
47 took my kids on their first overseas holiday.
48 met a lovely new man who treats me like a queen.

Plenty more to come too, I expect. Planning to do my Masters in the next couple of years.

YourAzureEagle · 07/11/2024 09:21

I quit teaching at 45 after 20+ years, re-training as an electrician specialising in commercial installations, work 11 to 4.00 , 4 days a week and make more money and being self employed control my time myself.

Apollonia1 · 07/11/2024 09:51

My life transformed in my 40s.

At 42, I bought a house (after years living abroad).
At 47, I had twins (after years of IVF)
At 46, my career and salary skyrocketed, through great luck

Now I'm 52 and work full-time, kids doing well, and financially set-up for life. I've no time for me/hobbies, but I had plenty of time for that in my 20s/30s/early 40s. Also lucky enough to have my healthy 95-year old parents, who live independently 5 mins from me.

I'd advise you to focus on what would inspire or excite you - e.g. go for a promotion / retrain / take up a new hobby / travel / study / gym / etc

venusandmars · 07/11/2024 10:12

Got married at 48, unexpected change in career from age 51 (hobby turned into career). Lost 3 stones, improved my health, became much less of a push-over and people pleaser. Dealt so much better with the inevitable challenges.

coolcahuna · 07/11/2024 10:17

Absolutely there is life after 45. At 46 I met the most amazing man and we are getting married next year when I will be 49. My kids are teenagers / young adults and becoming much more independent. We're full of plans for the future and I'm debating doing a masters soon which has always been a goal I haven't achieved and maybe change direction totally.

My mum has always inspired me. She did many different things including getting a degree at 40.

RVEllacott · 07/11/2024 10:30

I'm 54 and life is better than it was in my 40s - a better job, better financial position due to a couple of totally random events, more independence due to kids being older and therefore new adventures with DH. I've got a rediscovered lust for life based on wanting to make the most of my time and energy.

sometimesmovingforwards · 07/11/2024 11:58

LaurieFairyCake · 06/11/2024 20:31

God yes. Once the last kid went to uni I moved into London. The last 8 years have been by far the best yet.

Agreed.
The suburbs are lovely for raising children, but my God the place would age you dramatically if you stuck around long term. Genuinely couldn't think of many worse ways to spend my child free years lol
Love being back in Zone 1. With the benefit of being older / more established so have a place out in the sticks as well for a regular nature refresh.

5128gap · 07/11/2024 12:11

Yes. Turning 50 marked the start of the best time of my life so far. Responsibility shrank as DC became independent. Work has got easier and better paid as I've gained experience. I have more time and money and freedom than I've ever had. After years of hard graft I'm using this to prioritise pleasure, fun and seeing a bit of the world, having a few new experiences, and enjoying family and friendships, so I'm not exactly forging ahead with sweeping changes, so perhaps 'stagnant' from choice. However I still feel fit, energetic and confident so I know if I did want to achieve something I could. My best time (so far!) is undoubtedly now.

TeenLifeMum · 07/11/2024 12:19

I love this thread. My 30s were great - lovely dc, dh and job. The job part crumbled at 41 - sudden toxic environment that’s better but I’m still scared - I’m now doing a job but bored and not appreciated. Worried my best part of my career is over so reading this gives me hope.

OldTinHat · 07/11/2024 12:24

When I was 46, my DC both left home, I downsized to a 3 bed house in a completely different area and became mortgage free, made masses of new friends, started volunteering and new hobbies.

DanishPastry45 · 07/11/2024 12:36

Oooh! Yes! (NC for this) I’m 45 and this year I;

  • quit my job after 6 months of unwanted sexual attention from
my twat of a boss
  • Became self-employed, doing something I love, working from home , earning 3 times as much and halving my hours, no commute
  • taken on a selection of lovers who treat me deliciously well
  • trained in something I’ve been wanting to do for an age.
I’ve had a decade of hard, exhausting experiences (divorce from an alcoholic manchild who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants/job loss/house moves/ care & death of both parents) and I think I’ve paid my dues. Life is beautiful and I am incredibly grateful for every day.
Azuresky68 · 07/11/2024 13:02

This thread is fabulous....some great stories on here!!!

countrygirl99 · 07/11/2024 13:06

I changed job in my 50s, bought my first horse at 45 and at 65 continue to have some really adventurous holidays. Recently I've taken up volunteering with the local Wildlife Trust and am planning a long distance walk.

Dweetfidilove · 07/11/2024 13:06

I hope so 🙏🏾.

I've just turned 43 and everything is heading in the direction I want it to for 45, when my daughter leaves for uni. I have plans 😊.

SpringboksSocks · 07/11/2024 13:10

I’m 46 and very happy at the moment. Since 44 I’ve picked up ice skating and found it to be the first exercise I’ve ever enjoyed, I’ve got closer to lots of my friends, I had a new and exciting relationship, and I would give my job 10/10. As others have said, there’s also something nice about the kids being a bit older and being able to reclaim some independence. Wishing you a happy birthday 🥳

financialcareerstuff · 07/11/2024 16:34

47 here I am just coming out of a huge dip - of feeling useless, spent, putting weight on, losing energy, depression, anxiety, feeling like Life was over. Losing muscle mass and general wellbeing. Very much linked to perimenopause. I'm now six months into her and started mounjaro... and I feel like I am coming back to life.

Thank GOD I don't have to spend the rest of my life feeling the way I did over the last two years! I'm hopeful I'm going to find myself in a fun new chapter. 😊

financialcareerstuff · 07/11/2024 16:35

Six months into hrt

financialcareerstuff · 07/11/2024 16:37

DanishPastry45 · 07/11/2024 12:36

Oooh! Yes! (NC for this) I’m 45 and this year I;

  • quit my job after 6 months of unwanted sexual attention from
my twat of a boss
  • Became self-employed, doing something I love, working from home , earning 3 times as much and halving my hours, no commute
  • taken on a selection of lovers who treat me deliciously well
  • trained in something I’ve been wanting to do for an age.
I’ve had a decade of hard, exhausting experiences (divorce from an alcoholic manchild who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants/job loss/house moves/ care & death of both parents) and I think I’ve paid my dues. Life is beautiful and I am incredibly grateful for every day.

Oh this is just so wonderful to read! Huge congratulations!

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