Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

You need to make an emergency application to court for

Permission to make application
Child arrangements order that the children live with you
Prohibited steps order that she cannot remove the children from your care or anyone else you entrust their care to
Parental responsibility

Complete forms c100 and c1a

Do a mini statement setting out the background and issues and why you require these orders.

You must do this as a matter of urgency.

FFS, where do you get "hide them away" from? They are living in the house they always lived in, they've been seeing their mother, they are going out and about, accessing local activities, and socialising; as they are being home schooled, you can bet the local authority is involved in checking on that; and there will be people like the GP involved. OP isn't "just deciding" to keep them, he's asking what he can do about the situation.

Why do people come on here and just make things up instead of reading the information clearly given in the thread?

The tutor. He's said that more than once.

Sounds more like an unregistered school

Where is the line between a tutor and an illegal unregistered school?

This, unfortunately you’ll always get the backstabbers on here OP, it sounds as if you’ve done a great job, hang on in there and get good legal advice.
Good luck, I hope it works in your favour.

The local authority clearly have no idea that these girls have been left by their mother and are living with a person with no parental responsibility for them. He may be the thoroughly decent person he seems to be from this thread but he has wilfully chosen not to make things official. I very much doubt the GP knows the situation.

You could have a look into the step parent adoption process, a social worker from the LA would have to complete a report which would be one way for your wife’s current circumstances to be assessed. This would be one option of gaining PR. Their dad would lose his PR but mum would retain hers. Anyone who has said you should have contacted SS ages ago is incorrect, families make informal arrangements about childcare arrangements all the time and provided children are safe and well cared for, if all parents have been in agreement, there’s no major issue. Until things like this happen. Best of luck, it sounds like these girls are incredibly lucky to have you.

it Would have been best to anticipate that this would eventually happen, and you had got things in place by checking in with the authorities/taken legal advice. Sounds like you’ve buried your head in the sand, hoping this day wouldn’t come. I really hope it’s not too late for you to rescue the situation, but I’ll bet it’s going to be really difficult.

Op you need to speak with SW.

I can't be the only person who wonders what the other side of this story is. Where has the mum been living? Did she really leave because of gambling?

Surely if all was right then you're have spoken to SW right at the beginning.

They’re not homeschooled if they’re spending 6 hours a day at the home of a tutor though.

Which as a SW you know can only be granted if the person with PR agrees.

I would hope you can maintain contact at the very least. What a heartbreaking situation.

I think the tutor they attend might be running an illegal establishment - you can teach your own children or you can delegate that responsibility to a school but there are strict rules about what a school can look like.

SS will be coming to the house to speak with me and look around the house. They will also be going to the tutors' house to speak with the girls as they are currently there.

You might want to look into child advocacy as you do not have PR and the biological parents have been completely absent or very neglectful. The children’s voices need to be heard. Please do some online research before speaking with the lawyer, https://www.barnardos.org.uk/get-support/support-for-parents-and-carers/childrens-rights-advocacy

How is the lovely ex proposing to pay for continued tutoring of the children? Is she expecting op & his parents to keep funding but not seeing them?
OP make it clear to her that you won’t be funding them if she takes them away. (Save for their future instead, just don’t tell her that)
you could reconsider once the legalities are out the way.
I think you need to warn the children what their mum wants as she’s likely to tell them directly & you don’t want them thinking you are keeping things from them.

I’ve no idea how the law would work in this situation, but wishing you & your girls the very best outcome.

You've entered into a private fostering arrangement without realizing or informing social services.

Please look up private fostering on your local authority website and get in touch.

You need to focus your energy on getting advice from social services and possibly lawyers. What can we say on Mumsnet?

I have just read all of your post and subsequent posts. I heartily wish you the very best of luck and hope you get to keep your lovely girls. What a wonderful kind family yourself and your parents are. You all deserve all of the happiness you can grasp. It would be an absolute sham of injustice to lose them all now. Hopefully you have a strong enough case as they deserve to be somewhere loved and stable. Please if you can keep us updated. All the best. 🤞

Not passing judgement here but why is home schooling your 'chosen way'? Genuine question? Is there some religious aspect to all of this?

An unregistered school is a school (as defined in section 4 of the Education Act 1996) providing full-time education to 5 or more CSA pupils or 1 or more pupil with an EHCP/who is a LAC.

OP hasn’t answered how the tutor is getting about the unregistered schools rules.

Such a long thread when the only proper advice is that you MUST apply to the court immediately for a child arrangements order, seeking an order that the children live with you. You also need a prohibited steps order to prevent either parent from removing either child from your care.

You will need leave of the court to apply but this will not be an obstacle.

Apply tomorrow and ask to go before a judge before the weekend as you are seeking a without notice prohibited steps order. You will want an interim order that the children live with you.

Complete form C100 and presumably C1A as I assume there is a reason related to risk why neither child lives with or sees their biological parents.

PM me if you want.

Good, I hope it all goes well.

Whole thing is so odd. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell any authorities immediately when she left and you were looking after children that aren’t yours legally.

I would question how much contact they are actually having with GPs, proper tutors and clubs personally though. Not once have these children mentioned to anyone that their mother abandoned them, and not one of these adults has ever raised a safeguarding concern. All very odd.