Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

Wow. Helpful.not

This sounds like a very sensible step forward.

What's important here is the welfare of the children and there is absolutely no way you should be handing them over to someone who has a history of being unsafe. Any access should be arranged at an access centre so the girls can get to know her again and SS can investigate whether her being in the girls life is safe for them.

As well as making SS aware, I would also go as far as contact the police for advice as come the 12th September, it is likely that she could turn up at your door screaming and shouting. If the police are aware that there is likely to be a disturbance then they can support you.

Be prepared for a battle. Some kids I know had a very similar situation where the mother was mentally unstable and passed away suddenly. The step father (no parental responsibility) looked after them but their biological dad (violence issues and not a nice person) then started talking about custody. The kids had to temporarily go into foster care whilst authorities gathered information. They then returned to live with the step dad and still do.

Get more than one. Really. As many as possible. They only have opinions rarely facts so get some ballance.

Good progress

But as every single poster (virtually) has pointed out, you do also need to contact SS.

Agree with the idea of alerting local police to the 12th handover date if you think it might get ugly.

Wishing you all the best of luck.

Op. The mum here abandoned them and this should have been reported to authorities immediately

Contact social services now before she gets the house so when they do their assessment they see the real situation. If you wait they will only visit the new house and the history will be your word against hers.

Apply to court for PR and contact. I think you need to accept you will almost certainly loose resistance of them. However if you stay in these girls life- and you need a court order to be able to maintain contact- if mother continues to act as she has historically you can take it back to court and get residency back.

You have run afoul of the law on homeschooling. You have to have PR and it's a parents responsibility to ensure a child is getting an appropriate and full time education. The situation you describe with the tutor is an unlicensed school and she's going yo be in BIG trouble. You can use tutors as a person with PR with the responsibility to oversee it but many hours group tutoring like this is not accepted. We have ofsted for a reason! HOWEVER you can't sign a child up for school without PR. The mother has PR took the decision to home school and then not supervised it so she's the one at fault. The kids will get into the education officer system and be ordered to attend school most likely. The fact you didn't take action to get PR/get them I to school will just show a court judge how irrisponsible you have been and those kids have been let down. (Even if the education they are getting is great society is set up against home education-I home Ed so I'm not anti this approach).

You don't need a solicitor or a lawyer to go to court. You can be a litigant in person- which means you self represent. I would advise you pay a solicitor for a couple hours of their time to talk you through what you need to do to get PR and contact that needs to be your priority right now. Ask how to expitide the court date there is a type of application you can do to get heard urgently rather than the normal months waiting- you must do this before she gets her house!!

@stephen8 this is so so hard for you. all i can suggest is what other PPs have said. this will be a long road. it has already been a long road for you to walk alone for children who are not biologically yours but who see you as their only stable parent. good luck to you and the children.

@stephen8 has your ex been claiming child allowance during this estrangement or was it given to you?

Why the f* are you not bothering to read the thread? He's already said that his parents stepped up with the payments after his wife's gambling ruined him.

Hmm that's strange as myDS lived with his biological dad for a while - and his Dad never had PR. No one batted an eyelid

I think you have done brilliantly to step in as a father figure when the girls Mum left in a chaotic way
You have got a plan in place and you are the girls protective factor and they remain happy and settled with you.
I agree SS should've been informed at the time but the Mother has only just requested them back now
I advise you to present the solicitor with as much history as you have and gather names of witnesses involved in the DD's lives. I say this as SS will likely refer you to cafcass who will investigate the circumstances and interview everyone and the DDs wishes will be taken into account.if the Mother was concerned for her DDs welfare at all she would have not demanded them back on a date so close to contacting you.
I would think this is because you don't have time to get advice
Wishing you the best of luck

Where did he deregister the kids from mainstream school?

Jeez, there are some nasty posters on this thread. Ignore them, OP. Best of luck.

Who home schools them while you work?
You need to see a lawyer and those kids need a court appointed advocate to speak for them.
For now if mum is unsafe then do not let them go with

I’m curious as to why she now wants the kids, OP do you have any idea?

You sound amazing, I hope all works out for you and the children

This. Unfortunately you’ve been monumentally naive in not protecting these girls legally, especially as you seem to have done a sterling job elsewhere. I do wish you luck and able to keep the girls safe.

I and others suspect that the Mother has now run out of money/a partner to shag and provide finance and wants to get them so that she can claim benefits?

There is no obligatin to tell SS that a step-dad is caring for his children, its a family arrangement between him and the mother.
SS do not refer to Cafcass, they are appointed by the court.

OP needs to issue an application to the court today.

You sound like the dad they need and love.I think you need to contact social services as a matter of urgency.Reading the mum’s email should indicate for ss her lack of caring

You need to talk to ss and get parent responsibility which sadly might be hard now. Please get proper legal advice. Those poor girls, they safe world they know is changing in a few days

My advice would be to come off this thread and listen to the legal advice that you are waiting for. Then proceed from there. And good luck.

Well, I think you're amazing. Good luck, I hope they can stay with you.

OP, honestly I think you’ve deliberately avoided telling social services what’s happened to prevent their involvement. There is no way in the world that it hasn’t occurred to you in the past 3 years that it would be the right and proper thing to do. Even now, it’s clear you are reluctant to do it but there is no way they wouldn’t be involved once things become official.
The thing is, providing you are a safe person, they probably would have supported you in obtaining a special guardianship order in your circumstances and you would not be in this situation now.

Sorry, no advice to give.
But wanted to congratulate you on the wonderful dad it appears you are.
Thank goodness those girls have someone they can count on.

Unfortunately I think in legal terms you have no right. I know it’s easier said than done as the moment has passed, but you should have contacted social services as soon as the mum left the children in your care - so there was some sort of formal log that the parents abandoned them and you was their sole carer. Now she’s asking for them back, if she got the police involved, you have no parental responsibility and the kids would go straight to those with pr - no questions asked.

im not saying it’s fair, you seem like such an incredible person to be raising children that are not your own - that takes one hell of a person. Especially as you done it for no financial gain, it was all for the sole purpose of it being the best interest of the children. If you do have the finances I would ask for legal advice to continue to see them. I would try to be on best terms with the mum so she cannot withhold them from you and you can still keep somewhat of a relationship with them.

i feel for you, it must be so heartbreaking to go through this and I really hope it works out