Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

@OldLondonDad
How can you never have heard of social worker, social services?

The first time I'd heard of SW was my pals Social Worker driving passed us when we were young childrened.

I honestly can't believe anyone would think it's a sensible idea just to have let the parent walk out and not do something to ensure you had some sort of legal responsibility for the children?

How did you get on in court OP? Have you adopted the children now? Are you moving away tomorrow and changing their names? Or will you wait until Monday?

Sure, I'd heard of the occupation of "social worker". Had no idea how they were involved in looking after children. Why is that hard to believe? And why is that even worth arguing about?

As to the other point - he would have had virtually no options to ensure he had legal responsibility for the children. That's what I'm pointing out. Going to SS in the first several months would have almost certainly meant they were taken into care - and going to SS after the first several months would still be very likely to result in the same thing. Hopefully after over a year in this case, the court and SS will see sense and not just default to removing them.

However, a step-parent with no PR has virtually no say and no legal standing in a situation like this.

Just because he wrote Stephen doesn't mean that's his real name. Oh, wait a moment it says so online so it must be true. People do use false names on here don't be naive.

I wouldn't blame OP if he doesn't come back. I would have stopped responding after the first couple of pages to such bitchy comments.Troll hunting, bitchy twats and nastiness given to him that no woman would get if 'Stephen' was a woman.
"You are soooo amazing taking on your ex drunken shit bags kids."
It even worse to think that a lot of the twatty comments are from posters who are probably parents themselves.

If it was a woman and step kids I think people would be equally as questioning about the school situation. Probably lots of questions on why she didn't get something formalised so she could claim child benefit and other benefits.

I can't believe the Op didn't think he was leaving himself open to accusations or that he'd be able to keep these children without having any sort of care order, or formal foster care arrangement.

Safeguarding isn't just about protecting children, it's also about protecting adults and making sure they aren't leaving themselves open to false accusations.

These kids must be needing some sort of councilling to cope with the abandonment issues they have faced. Two sets of grandparents, any extended family and both parents ALL being willing to leave them with a stepdad.
Nobody has tried to get access to them or has already reported them.

Why? Because there are children involved that are potentially going to be taken away from the only adult they could rely on and handed over to an alcoholic with a gambling problem. My parents were rubbish but I did have another adult who loved and nurtured me like her own. I was taken away from her and my heart cracked. Now I'm an adult and a parent and I can't imagine the pain of having my children taken away.

The mother walked out and left them what mother does that?

It happened to my dad and his sister when they were young. Thank goodness their aunt took them in. The care system is full of children you describe unloved and unwanted from both parents.

Amazing that you hadn't heard of social services until you were an adult and yet now you confidently state that if he had gone to social services the children would have gone into care! No they wouldn't!

Oh mate come on. Don't believe in everything you read online to the extent that you're crying over children you've never met and have no proof actually exist.

Speak to social services and to a lawyer asap. Everything has been left too informal with too little (zero?) formal input for far too long.

Wow 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What has that got to do with this thread. My dad was in the same situation as these children he was passed around until he got to his aunt because his dad didn't want him and his mum wanted her new fancy man. At least these children were taken care off. He came here asking for advice because he cares. Obviously, you have gone through trauma but your comment was inappropriate and unhelpful. I hope you get the help you need.

Most kids in care are kids who have been removed from their parents rather than abandoned by parents.

My comment was based on a PP claiming to be crying over this man taking on the role of Dad for DC he had known for 3 short years, avoiding authorities (SS not involved, doctors, dentist, no legal form of education) and PP hoping he can do everything in his power to hold onto these children. We have no idea if these DC are taken care of, they certainly aren't receiving any legal form of education or health care.

If the op wasn't around then that scenario would have played out. The mother is too selfish to parent her children and so is their dad. They would have been taken into care if there was no op in the picture.

If Op hadn't been around they would have been put into a proper school, rather than the illegal one they are in now.

They would have had a formal foster arrangement. Or maybe SW would have looked to the extended family. I just find it very odd that their was nobody who even reported it to the SW.

There are more questions than answers with the full thing.

I have homeschooled for years please stop talking nonsense about illegal school. I put my 3 children with a tutor who was also tutoring another child for the whole day twice a week. The other child went in everyday. I don't remember the education officer telling me it was illegal.

Apart from that you have a point about the rest of it.

It isn’t nonsense. You just aren’t understanding the rules about what is classed as an unregistered school and what isn’t. Your situation isn’t the same. 1) In your situation there was only 4 DC. Not 5 or more CSA DC or 1 or more with an EHCP/who was a LAC, and 2) it wasn’t full-time.

How come everyone's decided that this tutor's school isn't registered? I know they're are lots of people on this thread who want to think the worst of the OP, but that doesn't mean that speculation becomes fact.

OP said DC are “home schooled’. If they attended a registered school, they wouldn’t be electively home educating. They would be attending school.

Those bairns have been off everyone's radar for years OP. This is serious shit man if it's true.

You NEED to contact SS. Especially if what you're saying about their mother is true and youre for real.

I do remember her saying if she had 5 or more children she would have to register as a school. Her and husband lived on an old private school ground that was closed.

Childminders and tutors do sign up to Ofsted. I wouldn't be surprised if she did. She would have to cover her own back as well.