Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

It doesn't matter there is no rules as long as the children are being educated. The SW doesn't care how it's done or the EO as long as they are being taught something. My children used online schools and they did all the schooling for me. They weren't Ofsted registered and they didn't have to be. The EO found online learning interesting at the time.

It doesn't matter there is no rules as long as the children are being educated.

That is categorically not true. Unregistered schools are illegal.

The other children could be her own children have you thought of that. Wouldn't the sw ask that question if she is registered if they were other parents children she was tutoring. She seemed happy with the set up what makes you think it's illegal. Did the SW not do her job properly when she inspected the tutors house?

I suppose that depends which parts of this story you choose to believe doesn't it...
OFSTED or not, I'd never have left my DC in the care of someone whose safeguarding policies were so lacking that this issue was never identified. But then, everyone has different priorities don't they.

Unlikely since the OP said “they attend a tutors' house alongside 3 other children”. Not that it would change the rules, anyway.

We don't know that all we can do is assume one way or another. What are your opinion of the SW and her findings?

As I said, it wouldn’t change the rules anyway.

How can anyone possibly comment on the SW and her finding when hardly any information about her, the assessment or the finding has been posted? If she has not raised concerns (which may not have been told to the OP since there are official channels to go through) about an illegal unregistered school, it is negligent.

If it wasn't in the children's best interests to remain with the tutor the sw would have said something. They can through the courts force him to put them in school.

As I said, if the SW has not raised concerns about an illegal unregistered school it is negligent. However, not all social workers are aware of the legal definition of an unregistered independent school and it has been known that they have slipped through the net. Dealing with an illegal unregistered school goes beyond dealing with OP’s situation. There are other processes to go through rather than just looking at DSDs’ situation. It is never in a child’s best interests to remain in an illegal unregistered unregulated school.

If your child has never registered at a school then they are classed as missing children. They are meant to register that they are homeschooling with the local authority but a lot of families don't know that unless they join the homeschooling community.

There is no legal obligation for parents to inform the LA they are EHEing. See this government guide.

”If I choose to educate my child at home, what must I do before I start? 4.1 If your child has never been enrolled at a school, you are under no legal obligation to inform the local authority that he or she is being home educated, or gain consent for this.”

They are not automatically CME either. As you can see by reading this CME government guidance - ”who are not registered pupils at a school and are not receiving suitable education otherwise.”

A residential property that has occupants living in it with their family is not a school it's a home. It's a tutoring business she is running from her living room or kitchen.

A tutor’s residential property can still be an unregistered school.

The building doesn't matter its the number of hours and the number of children that matter.

We know their are 100s of illegal mainly faith schools in the UK. The issue it trying to find them an get them closed down.

I did hear a couple of years ago they were trying to push for homeschooling families to register that they were homeschooling. I think it was more to do with COVID and the worry of losing children.

Good luck

The Schools Bill was never passed. It was scrapped. And the ramifications had it been passed would have applied to more than those EHE.

This brings us to another issue. The sometimes fine line between ‘schools’ and ‘out-of-school settings’ that some settings, e.g. some settings who teach a wholly religious curriculum, skirt to try to prevent being seen as a school. They are not always successful if investigated by OFSTED.

Yes we have no idea what sort of education these girls are getting with this tutor.
They might be doing a wonderful job or they could be getting a very questionable one sided education

Where is the justifiable concern ? OP is trying to do the best for these children in the face of the mothers’ inability to cope and getting his arse handed to him here. Some posters are clearly not reading or understanding the OP or the updates and are making up circumstances as they go along. If this was a mother posting the replies would be very different.

In which case both parents are responsible. The OP is only continuing what their parents started. Or did that fact pass you by ?

My response would be no different were it a step mother. And again, report any abuse you see. It won't be coming from me.

@TheSilkWorm not impossible at all, rare I admit but if it comes in the morning, mash get lucky with phone calls for info, it could make it to the duty team the same day.
Literally happened yesterday in my team.. call first thing, pretty clear cut referral and no history to consider (as not known) , arrived to me by 2pm, my duty worker went out.

Granted if mash needed further info from police or health it would sit there for days

Where is the justifiable concern ?

The tutor running an illegal unregistered school. That would be the same whether it was the mother, father, step-parent, grandparents, or anyone else posting. Who started the arrangements doesn’t change that.

Not specifically related to the OP’s situation, but you may find it interesting LAs can fine step-parents for non-attendance of their step child when they e.g. the DC are out of school for a holiday. Some LAs only fine the resident parent(s). Some LAs will also fine the NRP too. Some LAs will also fine step parents living with the child if they have care of the DC. And the law allows that.

Can anyone actually confirm, what would the court hearing have been for? Some sort of temporary care order I assume?
Has the OP mentioned that the wife's alcohol abuse is documented in any way? If not, how can the court be assured of a risk to the children to grant a care order to an unrelated carer?

Why would it be a care order? It would have been an emergency hearing for an interim child arrangements order and prohibited steps order to stop the children being removed from his care whilst assessments were undertaken. He is not an unrelated career he is their step- father who has been their sole carer for over 2 years under a family arrangement which their mother has agreed to. The risk now is that she wants to change the arrangement and risk their stability, and emotional well being. The court will make a holding position whilst assessments and investigations are undertaken.