Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

What a difficult situation. Yes it would have been better to have something in place before now, even for medical issues that might have arisen. Hopefully it gets sorted now and please do update.

Good luck for tomorrow, Stephen. You sound like a great parent providing a stable and loving home that the girls are very happy in. I hope that you're able to formalise this so their 'mother' can't do them any more damage.

I know how tough it is being a lone parent and bringing children up alone. It takes every minute of your time, especially when working to financially support them. You get so bogged down in everyday life, long term planning often gets overlooked.
I am appalled by the attitude towards you by other parents and you are correct, if this was a woman writing this, the replies would be so different.
Well done for getting things moving today with Social Services and a solicitor. Good luck in court tomorrow, hope you get everything sorted so you can keep your girls.

Yes.

This thread has become ridiculous. It's a long one, and yet SO many people are just reading the OP and responding as if none else has ever said anything, and more importantly, not even bothered to read the OP's updates.

It's maddening to read, even for me, and say its worst, probably adds a lot of stress for @stephen8 who's having to read multiple people laying into him for something he's already explained multiple times

You sound like an amazing dad! Good luck in court tomorrow

Good luck OP! I really hope it goes well for you and the girls x

Social services won't be asking for any order (or wouldn't, if this was real) it's private law. He would need to apply for an order.

If social services are saying the kids can stay with him and their mum presents an immediate risk to the children then they can and may apply for an order. They can’t say the kids can stay there without one given he doesn’t have parental rights. Mind you getting a social worker out to speak to the kids and tutor in the space of a couple of hours, and them saying the kids can stay there purely on the basis of that visit is definitely in the realms of fiction.

This is absolutely not a serious safeguarding issue! Just being in the care of their stepfather does not in any way represent an urgent safety concern. Trust me!

What sort of hearing is it tomorrow? Hoping it goes well for you.

Good luck to you and the girls, @stephen8. I've not read all the responses but I have read all of yours and I'm stunned at the level of vitriol you have received. Wishing you all the best for the future, it's blatantly clear to me that you've stepped up to become the only reliable parent the girls have, and that you genuinely love and care for them. I'm astounded that so many others are railing against you and can't see that. Best of luck to you all.

Did you write this on an open chat forum, including mentioning your name, to use as
”evidence” what a great father you are and what a crap mother your wife is.

Why are you still married to her after 3 years?
I hope I am wrong, but I am sceptical.

I think the serious safeguarding issue is the mum attempting to take the children

@stephen8 OP please let us know how things go in court tomorrow. i am pretty sure it will all be in your favour.

Good luck to you mate, you've obviously stepped up and are a fantastic dad, I sincerely hope and pray you get to keep your girls, please keep us updated!

Good luck tomorrow. Wishing you all the best. Ignore the weirdos on this site.

It is my job to asses the situation based on the information at hand, following visits if there were any genuine red flags I would do the needful! I am not one of those Social workers that goes in assuming the worse and leading with my own preconceived notions.
Home schooling is not a new phenomenon so that is not a red flag, neither is carers not knowing that situations like this should be reported to social services.
do you think you average Grandma who has taken in their grandchild for whatever reason need to notify social services after 40 days?!
I am more concerned that a mother who you claim “story may be different” has not reported being denied access to her children by the many agencies that can assist.
There are several children whose parent pass away and they naturally go live with an aunty or grandmother and social services are unaware. Ask your self how many times you are asked for your child’s birth certificate by a school, GP appointment or A&E for example?

in many cases the law is there in theory but most people are unaware of it and the systems that should enforce it do not.

Would you ask this if it was the step-mother carrying for the children?

It would still be private law. They wouldn't have the threshold to apply for care proceedings and it's not their remit to do so if the plan is for them to remain with their current carer. Trust me, the local authority would neither want nor be able to go to court in this case.

Even if the family were unaware of the law, doesn't it concern you at all the tutor is too? Shouldn't an adult in sole charge of other people's kids 30 hours a week have at least some awareness and have raised it at least with OP if not ss?

Why would you expect the tutor to ask or care whether the step father has PR for the children? How is that their concern?

They are very lucky to have you in their lives @stephen8 . If you can get everything on a legal footing, it’ll be so much better, because if your wife is still calling you drunk, she’s clearly not over her addiction and they need a stable guardian.

Even simple things like doctor’s and dentist’s visits will be easier as you'll be able to give consent for treatment. Right now, I don’t think that you could.

Of course it a tutors concern that children have been abandoned in the care of an unrelated person. Alarming that you would think it isn't.

OP says that the home schooling is ongoing from their marriage. That being the case why would the tutor even be aware that anything was different ?

This has so many red flags. I hope this isn't genuine.

It would still be private law. They wouldn't have the threshold to apply for care proceedings and it's not their remit to do so if the plan is for them to remain with their current carer. Trust me, the local authority would neither want nor be able to go to court in this case.

I’m thinking this is one of those “different in England” situations. Where I am if the plan was for them to remain with their current carer and there were concerns mum would disrupt this, and that she posed a risk to the children if she did claim them, we would bring the case to a children’s hearing to secure the current living arrangements. The threshold would be met by the mum threatening disruption while also presenting as drunk.