Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

@stephen8 ignore the haters on here, you are amazing. For tonight, just 🎶 let it go, let it goooo 🎶

That was a huge mistake but maybe you can rectify it now. Firstly you're legally obligated to refer yourself to social services as this is a private fostering arrangement. It should have been done within 28 days but do it now: you won't get in trouble but you need to formalise this. Secondly you need legal advice, you may be able to apply for a child arrangements order but it's crucial you get a solicitor to look at your case so you don't make mistakes. How on earth have you cared for 3 young children for over 2 years without having parental responsibility? Did you not think it might be incumbent on you to obtain it? It would have been much easier while their parents were off the scene.

Good luck Stephen.

@stephen8 all the very best tomorrow. If you can bear it at some point, those of us worried about you and your girls would be glad to hear from you about how things went.

I hope you've been able to record your ex's drunken calls.

Good luck tomorrow. I hope your children get the best outcome possible for them tomorrow. You will be on my mind tomorrow, you obviously have no obligation to update us strangers what happens but please do

Not RTFT but this is well dodgy. Non family member just takes over full care and responsibility for three girls without alerting the authorities at all. Not sure what's really going on but it all seems weird on the face of it.

You sound like a lovely dad. I hope that you sort everything out.

Good luck OP. Ignore the haters on here, MN is very anti men and you will never get unbiased advice. A parent does not have to have a blood relationship with their children to be a good parent. Sadly events in the news recently where the biological parent has harmed their children demonstrates this.

Social services will come out same day and make urgent enquiries if they are alerted to a potentially serious safeguarding issue (such as a male non family member taking over the care of three young female children and hiding it from the authorities for years)

It does not come under private fostering as he is a close relative.

TBH I'd be worried about the way you talk about these children. They aren't 'yours', and even if they are relatively secure with you and fond of you, there is no way that with all this drama and tragedy, a mother who first abused and then abandoned them and now terrifies them, they are leading some kind of idyllic family life with you and your parents in the intervals between seeing their mother. I hope something is sorted out for them soon.

He's their step father though not just some random man off the street

I think this requires social services involvement.

Good grief. Read the effing thread

As the mother is clearly still daytime drinking, thinks a quick note seeking their return and demanding the Dad has.no further contact with them, and has made no efforts to see them for months on end... she's not fit to have them with her. OP has continued to care for 3 DC after their parents both abandoned them. How is he being painted as the bad guy??

Schools do not always pick up on chaotic or abusive home lives of DC. Homeschooling isn't a red flag, it's a red herring.

You sound like a wonderful dad op and the girls are so lucky to have you. Great to read ss we're responsible and open minded. I hope and pray that you will get justice and peace with this horrible situation.

Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow, you sound like an amazing dad and those girls are lucky to have you. Keep fighting for them. I'm sorry you have had some unpleasant responses, if you feel comfortable please come back and update us with how things go as I will be rooting for you

I hope it goes well tomorrow. Please try not to fall into the trap of thinking that because you have looked after the girls, they want to be with you and everyone sensible around you backs you that that means the court will award you custody. This could be a very long road. She will likely be given visitation at a minimum.

Try to remain calm, gather evidence whenever you can and protect the girls as much as possible. I hope you don't need to, but experience tells me otherwise.

Was this necessary?

I am so shocked at some of the vile and disgusting comments made on here toward a guy who stepped up and has taken on three children WHEN THE DEADBEAT MOTHER WALKED OUT ON HER CHILDREN!!!
let that sink in! A mother walked out on her kids and didn’t give a shit about them for two and a half years!!!!! And some of you think this guy is a red flag???? Seriously??

OP well done for being a role model to these children and being the best dad to them. Good luck with court and keeping these girls safe from their “mother”

Good luck for tomorrow Stephen hope it all goes well for you and the girls.

@stephen8 you sound like a phenomenal parent.
Sadly mums net seems to have more than its fair share of people who like to think they know a poster’s business better than they do themselves !