Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

Not sure why you’re getting such odd replies on here.

The mum and dad are the biological parents and have rights over the kids, OP doesn’t.

If the mum was any sort of mother (or the dad any sort of father) then all she has to do is ring the police and she would have got her kids back the same day.

There is no way a step parent can alienate the birth patents.

Posters will fall over themselves trying to make a woman the victim.

I’ve known plenty of women who are shit mothers and walk out on their kids.

Don’t be ridiculous. Homeschooling is a perfectly legitimate way to educate your dc.
The op’s ex had chosen home ed and the op just carried on with it.

Safeguarding is everyone's concern, all the time. Red flags should never be ignored.

I think I'd be inclined to send the girls to your parents tomorrow instead of the tutors. If mum turned up at tutors to take them I don't think there's anything that can be done to stop her until a court has ruled otherwise. If she were drunk then police could I guess but it would be a terrible position for the children to be in

Stephen you might as well get this thread deleted. There are people who know what they are talking about here, but they are getting lost among the dross who make it up as they go along.
If anyone wants to find the posts from people who actually know what they are talking about -
Yes, it was fine for you and your wife to have this arrangement with no need to involve social services or get legal advice.
Yes, it is possible for things legally and with social services to move this quickly in the situation you describe.
Shock horror - your wife might be the birth parent, but potentially she may not be able to uproot your step-daughters. Best wishes to you and your family.

God some people on here are so thick it's not real. They would have OP hanged drawn and quartered.
Would be totally different if OP was a woman with all the fawning that happens on here sometimes.'Oh you are sooo amzing looking after your step kids. What a waste of space their piss head father must be.'
He has not kidnapped nor abducted the girls.

Safeguarding? What is a shed load of abuse on an internet forum going to do to safeguard these children? What is anyone on here going to do to safeguard them? No excuse for the way many are posting here.

Social services are involved, they will attend to safeguarding issues.

They are not the OP's DC and by "home schooling" he has removed them from outside safe guarding. Yes, that is a huge red flag. Why aren't they going to school?

Good luck tomorrow OP, those girls are lucky to have you.

How about you read all of his replies and then you'll see that they've always been home schooled, it's what the wife wanted

Sorry that some people on here want to prove you are the problem. Unfortunately I think in the short to medium term, look into kinship fostering and also make sure you record phone calls or any other interaction with their mum. You need to build a case against her if you want to keep the kids.

He hasn’t removed them from school.

their mum wanted this schooling arrangement and when she left he continued rather than disrupt the children’s routines.

i am not a big fan of homeschooling but I can imagine after she left finding school places would not be easy. For 3 primary in-year places chances are they would not have got the same school to start.

You need to seek legal advice you can apply for parental responsibility as you are married to mum and you have a strong case that it's in their best interest to keep living with you and build contact with mum over time. But you'll need to argue for an emergency application

I'm going to leave this here now, I think, very grateful for all the people who have given helpful advice and been supportive. But honestly, absolutely disgusted at the supposed mothers on here who can be so vile to a victim of abuse who has already been through so much, determined to find a way to make the women be the victim even though she's the abuser who my kids are terrified of. Yes I may not have contacted social services, but I was worn down by the abuse and trying to keep my head above wager financially and support my kids, she kept leaving and returning I had no idea when she would next he back. The social worker was in no way angry when she came around and actually complimented me on how well I've held things down and said that the girls are a delight, she certainly didn't have any worries about mt ability to care for them. I will to to court tomorrow with my head held high and fight for my girls and no matter what the outcome I will never stop being there for them, my door will always and forever be open for my daughters.

They’ve always been home schooled. They go to a tutor with other children. If you weren’t so focused on insinuating some kind of wrongdoing here you would have picked thst up from OP’s updates. MN is an absolute pit of vipers sometimes.

SS have came to the house to speak with me and look around the house, they have also gone to the tutors home and individually spoken to the girls. The social worker was lovely.

Has the social worker said what they’ll be asking for at court? They would need a legal order in place to secure the girls staying with you - they can’t just say the girls can stay and that happen. Legally she has parental rights and you don’t, it’s not insurmountable but there would need to be at least an interim/temporary order in place that secures their residence with you.

Good on you OP. I hope all goes well for you. And l hope you’ve managed to take something away from this thread once you sorted through the ignorance and vitriol. There are some posters here who should be ashamed of themselves.

Good decision Stephen, I hope that all goes well.

Where has there been any abuse? Report any you see please, but I haven't seen any. Justifiable concern is not abuse.

This

Tricky situation absolutely not made easier by you not facing up to it sooner. You need to get in touch with social services tomorrow morning and register the situation with them - as a "private foster carer". And whilst normally Im not keen on home educators being monitored by the LA (I home ed for years myself) in your situation Id be keeping records of their learning and activities. Be 100% accountable in all ways.
Good luck!

You've come on Mumsnet as man. Honestly their mother could be a cracked out junkie living in a squat and they would still say she should have unlimited access to her children and full custody because at least shes not got a penis.

You sound like a wonderful dad to your girls OP, good luck to you all

Actually if you had read all the Ops posts, you would know that the children were being tutored before their Mother abandoned them? OP just continued what was already agreed by their birth mother

+You need to get in touch with social services tomorrow morning and register the situation with them - as a "private foster carer".*

Private fostering arrangements hold no legal water, if the legal parent wants her child back she can take them unless there’s a court order with a condition of residence.