Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

Who home schools the kid while you're working full time OP?

@stephen8 I can't add anything to what the PPs have said though I'm utterly astounded you got SS to act so quickly. Your solicitor must have put a bomb under them.

Good luck with court tomorrow - I assume it's an ex parte hearing for an emergency residence order or similar given the speed it's been arranged though I'm not massively familiar with family law.

Congratulations to your dd on her role as a table - I'm sure she'll be a great table they are very useful things and the centre of so many family moments. You can tell her my dd was once a blade of grass - the best blade of grass there ever was :)

This. At the point your wife left the responsible thing to have done was to get in touch with authorities and formalise the situation.

I'm afraid that you choosing not to do that, especially with them being home educated, will be a red flag to authorities who will wonder if you preferred to avoid their watchful eye.

They are not your children what on earth made you think you could just assume parental responsibility without any sort of arrangement through social services. The fact you didnt seem to realise you would need to do that, makes me question whether you are a suitable adult to care for these vulnerable children.

Thats been answered about 1000 times!

What I would say OP is that you need to paint this in a positive light towards DC. Even if you are eventually granted residency, unless the other parent poses a significant risk to the DC, family court will work towards 50/50 if that is what Mum wants and the children should be preparing for that. Family court take a very dim view of 'parental alienation' and good parents have lost custody to abusive parents because of this.

I mean sadly I don’t think you would be eligible to look after them full time being a step oarent

however I can tell you are broken by this news and I would suggest speaking to someone legal if you can at all
mi wish you the best of luck

Those girls are very lucky to have you (and your parents) in their lives. You sound like a wonderful father. Hope tomorrow goes well for you all. Please come back and let us know. Ignore the negative posters. I need to know they'll be able to stay with you!

Where have maternal grandparents been ? Or any side of that family have they supported you ? Very difficult situation and you really should have had some kind of services involved? How have dentist and doctors and things been handled ? Any kind of official people that can confirm you've been sole carer ?

I do believe you can make an emergency request for guardianship via family court. The mother doesn't sound stable. Whatever you do don't let them go without services involved

When I spoke to the girls, I obviously did so in a very toned down age appropriate way, but my oldest has come to me (I think she's been googling) and has told me she's not leaving and that she doesn't even want to speak to her mum, she's said n9body can make her go and that she will just run away if her mum trys to take her, she's older so it's hard to reassure her and I don't want to make any false promises to her as I don't know how tomorrow is going to go but by how drunk my wife currently is I don't for one second believe tomorrow is going to be a drama free day.

Could someone oblige then please?

I've just got home from work and it's a very long thread 😏

I thought I was doing so well, reading all the OP's posts 🤣

His posts make clear they go to a tutor 6 hours a day.

They attend a "tutor" 6 hours a day, 5 days a week along with 3 other children. OPs parents pay.

@VickyEadieofThigh and @Fluufer , thank you 👍

Maybe mum had been drunk and frequently 'absent' for some time. People often don't just announce they are going and not come back. Of course OP should have contacted SS before now but when? When mum first stayed out overnight, when he hadn't seen her for a week/month, when she missed a birthday? And, although he's not saying so, perhaps he feared involving SS would result in his DD being taken into care.

I hope you continue to post @stephen8 - some of us are quietly rooting for you and your girls.

Hi OP,
I've followed your thread since you started it. Taking everything at face value, I just wanted to say that you're doing an amazing job and the girls are incredibly lucky to have you in their lives.
I'm sorry for the prejudice and vitriol you've received today that's completely unwarranted.
Please fight for those for those girls, and continue to be their constant. They clearly love and need you.

Great news you got in contact with the right people action is being taken.

Get ready for it. What you got on this thread will be nothing in comparison with what the mother may throw at you. Glad to hear you are gathering your evidence.
Best luck to you and your girls.

I’m absolutely amazed of timescales from SS and the family court and I say that as someone who is in the profession myself!

I was kind of with you until the home schooling.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I’m very glad for you that processes are underway now. I can quite understand how just carrying on with everyday life after your wife left might have felt the best way at the time. A Stepfather is a relative to the children by their mother’s marriage so you were hardly some random person after all. All credit to you for loving and caring for the girls when their mother was unable to do so. It is so sad that she developed such difficulties. Your parents also are very kind for paying for the education the girls are familiar with. I hope that everything works out for the best and without undue trauma for the children.

Very best of luck- I think a lot of posters here are losing sight of the fact that these girls potentially face having their whole lives uprooted if their mother takes them.

I find it extraordinary that SS could have been contacted and act so quickly, a good lawyer organised and even court tomorrow... this is all very unusual.

This thread is a disgrace to this forum. If you think that Op is not above board follow the forum rules and report. Don't troll hunt by questioning Op's narrative and making vile allegations against him. people are treating him this way because he is a man. There would not be this outpouring of disbelief and outright cruelty if Op was a step mum.

Take this on face value for a minute - Op has escaped an abusive relationship. Came here for support. Was subjected to yet more abuse on-line from MN members. I don't know how some of you sleep at night.

It’s worrying isn’t it that these judgemental, ill informed, sanctimonious women are raising families of their own.