Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

You have a had a crappy time of it OP. You sound like a great role model for the children, unfortunately you had the greatest of intentions but just went around it the wrong way and left yourself open to the potential for all sorts of allegations as unfortunately there are other men in the world who would've nefarious things to those girls. If you had gone through official channels at the start it would have been better. Whilst you are emotionally meaningful to the girls, until you get the paperwork sorted which will hopefully be soon you are 'meaningless' in terms of PR and who they should legally be with.

It's impressive SS were able to see you all so quickly and hopefully the girls will be able to stay with you when you get something official in place for them.

I hope tomorrow returns the outcome the girls want and need.

Yes of course. You can get same day court hearing for these things so the fact mine is tomorrow is not unusual, the lawyer contacted ss it was ss that decided they needed to speak to the girls today, I wasn't allowed to get the girls until ss had spoken to them. There's potential that my kids could ne taken by a drunk abuser so understandably things need to happen fast

Interesting, especially as almost no-one ever questions a woman's version of events when a parent has essentially abandoned their children.

yes it can go that quick. within 24 hours of my brothers ex wife sending him a letter telling him she was leaving the country and taking the kids with her, he had a 'stop all ports' order, had the passports blocked and a PSO awarded by the courts pending a hearing.

The courts can move very quickly where children are concerned if a lawyer pushes the right buttons.

I'm so sorry for some of the rotten replies you've had. You are clearly a very good guy doing what's best for these kids. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that youve got a next day court appointment, I think people don't realise sometimes the family courts even do 'out of hours' - even on Friday evenings - to resolve issues like these. I'm assuming she has PR and you do not which is why it's been so quick? Wishing you the absolute best of luck tomorrow

@stephen8 I'm sorry you are getting a really horrible time from some posters on here. I hope things go well for you and the children both tomorrow and ongoing.

Will be thinking of you all.

Well done OP. Wishing you and your girls the best, and wishing you a calm evening where you can get your head straight for tomorrow.

By the sounds of it, the mother won't stick at mothering, and your girls will continue to need you as their only parent.

I guess an ideal situation would be to slowly build up trust and time with mum in a controlled environment.

You definitely need a court order. You'll need to make some additional court applications first as you don't have any parental responsibility so you don't have the automatic right to apply for a child arrangements order.

If you can't afford a lawyer make an appointment immediately with your nearest citizens advice bureau. A one off consultation would be worth the money though.

This is an unusual case but generally the courts don't like to disrupt the status quo and stopping contact with you completely would seem disruptive. At these ages, the court will give some weight to the views of the children but not as much as if they were older. The Court will want to encourage a relationship with their mother so you must go into it showing willing to a shared arrangement and showing the court how you are going to help encourage the relationship with the mother and putting the children first. Be ready to counter any suggestion that you've alienated any of them against the mother (this happens, I used to do a lot of this work).

I wish you and the girls the best of luck.

I hope it all goes well. Sounds like you have taken all the sensible steps .
My eldest is home educated and we love it .

The problem with posting for help here is that a lot of the advice comes from people who have had a particular problem and they advise from their own experience alone.

However I do agree with the posts that Social Services should be involved (this seems to be pretty universal advice) - the advantage being that they are free and have powers, the disadvantage being that they won't be on your side (nor anyone else's except for their view of the children's best interests).

So I think you could do with someone knowledgeable in your corner. That might be a family solicitor (if you have the funds), or a charity ( I don't have any experience of them but something like https://www.papaorg.co.uk/our-story might be helpful).

I think that the outcome might be shared custody and that you should accept this and work towards it because worse outcomes may also be possible if you don't act responsibly & cleverly.

Best wishes & good luck.

This situation beggars belief. Frankly you should have sought legal advice asap when they arrived into your care. As a result this entire situation is riddled with issues! Do you realise that she could accuse you of kidnap??? Seriously I can’t believe you’ve not taken ANY steps to secure the childrens’ future in terms of the law. What country are you in?? Seek legal advice asap. Legally you are holding someone else’s children! Really serious.

I went to the solicitors at 9am and had the court had given m an interim care order by 3pm that day. The full hearing comes at a later date.

The drunk dead beat mother who fucked off and left her kids can acuse me of whater the hell she likes, kidnap, get a grip nobody will ever think I've kidnapped the girls. I have messages asking her if she's ever coming home, if she ever plans to be involved in the girls life etc, her own sister is also backing me. Would you be so bloody harsh on an abused woman? No I dont think so, I'm a victim who's trying to do my best in a difficult situation

The ignorance and prejudice around home education on this thread is beyond! Why is the assumption that Educating children outside the school system is an attempt to hide them? Most home Ed families have regular contact with a home Ed officer who writes a yearly report on the child's progress, where and how they're being taught, groups they attend etc. Support is provided where needed. There are nurses who do health checks and vaccination clinics for homeschoolers and you have to prove you are providing an education. It's checked and regulated. It's also extremely hard work and in my experience (homeschooling from age 10-16 achieving 8 GCSE's at top grades) most home educators are incredibly caring and obsessed with their child's welfare which is why they aren't in school in the first place! Usually schools have utterly failed them. Just because one or two child abusers have abused the system, don't tarnish every home educator with the assumption their choice is nefarious.

And as my DD is now in private school I can tell the person questioning why these kids aren't in private school that private tutors are infinitely cheaper especially where children are tutored in a group.

Sorry not to answer your questions OP though you seem on track now but really fed up of seeing people which absolutely no knowledge of homeschooling malign it!

If you read all the OPs posts you would see that SS and a lawyer have already been contacted and there is a court appointment for tomorrow.....

Does she work? If not her ability to rent property funded by UC maybe dependent on her having 3 children eg if its 2/3 bedroom she would have to contribute towards the rent if living alone. Is money likely to be the motivator for her wanting to have the kids?

Hindsight is a great thing but you really should have sought legal advice around guardianship when she left. If one of those children needed urgent hospital treatment you are not in a position to decide that or even take the kids out of country on holiday. Wether intentional or not it does seem they have been hidden away and as the mum has parental responsibility I wouldn't see how any1 could now prevent her taking the children back. Try and see a family lawyer for proper advice

@stephen8 no one's saying you've kidnapped them. They're saying that you've made yourself vulnerable to that accusation because you don't have PR or a guardianship order. People are trying to help you.

@Iamthemoom the issue with the "home education" here is that it isn't home ed. It appears to be an unregulated school that the OP is paying for, given that it's Mon-Fri 6 hours a day with several other children in someone else's house. That's a school.

Have you secured legal aid? You will be entitled to it as the victim of dv.

Glad you got
Solicitor to help you.
Good luck

None of that has happened here. The LA were unaware of the situation with the DCs and OP is unable to consent to vaccinations.

Home Eduction can be a fantastic thing but when not monitored properly it can put children in danger.

Really hope you'll get swift help and support from SS and that you are your daughters can be left in peace soon, with a formal agreement too. Good luck tomorrow!

My biological grandmother left 3 children behind when she met another man.

My own step DC we’re abandoned by their biological mother.

So yes, some mothers are just shitty parents.

I hope you get something in place OP, hopefully the girls are old enough for their views to be taken into account, although I suspect your wife will be allowed some limited contact.

I just wish you’d made it official earlier on!

People are so dumb on here. How can OP have 'kidnapped' children left in his care when the mother left? What else was he meant to do with them, abandon them? Thank god he is more responsible because plenty of men wouldn't be arsed!

Hello

I'm a social worker. I worked in CP and now work in the family courts (private law).

You need to contact CSC today and give them all information. No one has been exercising PR so they may decide to make an application for an ICO so they can share PR and make decisions about their care. This could include officially placing them with you under a Reg 24 arrangement whilst other things are sorted.

You need to make an urgent application to Court using form C100, stating the date she plans to take them and therefore you need a hearing by that day. You are applying for a CAO and PR. This will set out where the children live and who they spend time with/how/when. Cafcass will then become involved and other assessments may happen.

Between the LA, Cafcass, Courts this will be resolved but no one here knows the full information to be able to advise accurately, including me as a professional who does this daily. It is very important you take these steps urgently.

Edit: Just saw your update. I was posting on the hop and only read to page 2. Glad things are in motion!

Good luck with court tomorrow. You're doing the right thing.