AIBU to ask how to handle this teacher?

[NimVlo]

DC is a very sensitive and natural born worrier, switches off when under a lot of pressure and is very hesitant to try to master new skills and needs an incredibly gentle approach.

New teacher is young with no children (don't come at me for that, just facts), she is very abrupt, pushy and resorts to shouting. As you can imagine DC shuts down and comes home and is very emotional.

Now I'm not stupid I know all children have their moments but DCs last teacher totally got DC and did everything in her power to push DC gently and nurtured DCs to their full potential.

I have parents evening next week and would like to bring this up but I'm so unsure on how to! I appreciate teachers get a lot of stick as it is and they are under huge amounts of pressure but the mother in me is concerned that her approach to teaching won't bring out DCs best potential.

How do I nicely ask to stop the shouting and stop being so pushy without being 'that' parent 🙈

Parents evening is not the time for you to tell a teacher how crap you think they are, it’s the time for the teacher to tell you all about your DC. If you think theyre crap, make another appointment before PA to tell them your concerns.

If you have witnessed then belittling children, shouting and borderline bullying behaviour then you should be taking your concerns to the head teacher, not the class teacher in question. And I wouldn’t be waiting until parents evening, not for a class of six year olds.

I agree with the last 2 posts from @Snoken and @Soontobe60

Rather than giving the teacher advice on how to teach, I’d be considering how to parent in a way that enables your child to progress from being a worrier who is reluctant to try anything new to being a resilient individual who is able to cope with age appropriate challenges in life.

Have you been in a situation like teachers are in everyday?? Class of 30 children all deciding at different times they need to leave the lesson for a wee? No one then learns and the parents would soon be kicking off. Sounds a little bit like you are a manby pamby parent who it’s very much my little angel should be main concern. I went to school the other day and heard a teacher being very firm with a class and thought god well done you for actually not being too worried about being in charge.
also “shouting” can be taken as a lot of different things especially from a 6 year old.

Also if you have witnessed this in person why wouldn’t you report it if that bad?? Or is it ok because it’s someone else child but now yours is upset it’s not ok? Epically as you’ve said you’ve seen it in a volunteering role - surely you would be aware of safeguarding and such?

Lots of parents don't have compassion.

Ah such a well informed pist. Most of my immediate thoughts about this are in there too. Particularly the one about 30 children etc !

Post even !

I have. Still complained once or twice over some things. Shit happens.

No one has to suck up being shouted at, at any age. Shouting is not part of a teachers tool box. I agree with others that you need her on side to help your child. Finding out more about what the shouting is like would be profitable. A good teacher won't want to be scaring her charges, especially if they are little. If they are older maybe a shout to bring the room to attention or a state of safety is fair, but not the self esteem eroding kind of shouting. Communication is key. An open line of communication would be helpful. She will want to help your child. But if there is shouting and it's a bit (or a lot) off, you might have to be that parent, ever so nicely of course. Good luck.

Some of the best teachers I know have not had children. Not being a parent is not a stick to beat a teacher with.

Obviously there are times but the way this is written it’s not coming across that way

Firstly it’s extremely unlikely that a teacher would be allowed to shout in this day and age so not convinced on that one. Also if the toilet comment is the worst example you can give then you’re definitely being unreasonable! If your child is only in year 2 now then they will no doubt encounter many more they dislike in the future, not to mention future employers etc. As a responsible parent you should be teaching your child a bit of resilience to manage the situation not contemplating having a word with the teacher. 🙄 The comment about age suggests you had a preconceived idea that you wouldn’t like this teacher because she’s young and doesn’t have kids. I’ve actually found a lot of the younger teachers more caring as older ones are less tolerant to bollocks from parents!

Exactly! This is a parents job and starts with this type of situation. Children don’t get to 18 and suddenly have all the skills and resilience to get them through life, they learn this from parents and through experiences.

Firstly it’s extremely unlikely that a teacher would be allowed to shout in this day.

It really isn't! I was in a HT's office recently. Door was open and a teacher in the corridor started absolutely bellowing at some poor kid (primary). HT looked very uncomfortable and made some comment about the teacher having a bad day.

Have also been involved in a complaint hearing from a parent at another school about a teacher's behaviour and it was quite clear that the teacher was a problem and other teachers were concerned about her shouting regularly and not being nice to the kids.

Focus on your parenting and on building resilience in yourself and your child.

Couldn't give a monkeys about being ' that parent' myself.
If its such a stressor why wait til parents evening? It's not the time or place.

Make an appointment without your child, and talk to the teacher. Nicely.

Ask other parents at the school gate if their kids feel the same.

Tell your child to behave properly, do all work told to, go to the loo at break time, show empathy to your child whom is only 6, and make a point of a nice walk home, let it all out just with you, ask them how others react, how they think they can react etc, have a cup of tea and cake together, change subject etc.

Child changes Yr group in 7 months. It will be fine. Make sure your child makes friends.

TBH I think you and your child are the problem here. It sounds like they need to toughen up and you need to explain to them that life isn't all tea parties and rainbows, should your child perhaps be in a specialist school if they need so much support and hand holding. (and yes I have a child and he is 7 and I'd be mortified if he acted like a 3yr old in school)

Posted to the wring thread, sorry!

Do you have other ways to contact the teacher? It’s only time at parents evening is quite limited isn’t it. I would raise the points you’ve mentioned about your child and make the suggestions of how to get the best out of them. I do think age makes a difference in regards to experience in any field of work. We had a very shouty teacher join our school once she settled in to the school and class she was the best teacher. Good luck

You bring that up with the head

I hope you are reading all these replies and leaving aside all the distractions from people that get hooked up on your prejudices because it's obvious you yourself heard shouting from the teacher and poor teaching techniques which many responders seem to have missed.
This is the only relevant point and yes you should raise it.
It doesn't sound at all like a firm teacher being misunderstood. It sounds like someone who can't cope and the children will all suffer for it

Does your school have a pastoral team or ELSA’s or if not then the SENCO? You could talk to them about how your child is struggling and how they can be helped. I am an ELSA and I help children to develop their resilience and self esteem. Just an idea for you. Try not to alienate your child’s teacher though because that won’t help.

My sister just went to a parents evening last week and each parent had exactly 6 minutes with the teacher - there was even a timer so nobody ran over!

6 minutes is barely enough time for the teacher to update you on how they feel your child is getting on in class and any concerns they have let alone anything else.

If you have additional matters to raise then I don't think parents evening is the time.