AIBU to ask how to handle this teacher?

[NimVlo]

DC is a very sensitive and natural born worrier, switches off when under a lot of pressure and is very hesitant to try to master new skills and needs an incredibly gentle approach.

New teacher is young with no children (don't come at me for that, just facts), she is very abrupt, pushy and resorts to shouting. As you can imagine DC shuts down and comes home and is very emotional.

Now I'm not stupid I know all children have their moments but DCs last teacher totally got DC and did everything in her power to push DC gently and nurtured DCs to their full potential.

I have parents evening next week and would like to bring this up but I'm so unsure on how to! I appreciate teachers get a lot of stick as it is and they are under huge amounts of pressure but the mother in me is concerned that her approach to teaching won't bring out DCs best potential.

How do I nicely ask to stop the shouting and stop being so pushy without being 'that' parent 🙈

How old is your child?

What do you mean by shouting? Some children experience being asked to change their behaviour, told no or not being able to do what they want exactly as they want it as 'shouting'.

Have you witnessed the teacher shouting? I'm not talking about raising the voice when trying to get attention across a room or shouting at a child running across a road.

Would be good to get some specific examples of the behaviour that she can properly reflect on.

Also, the not having children shouldn't be a factor, which it obviously is for you otherwise you wouldn't have included it in your post. Having said that, what's your own experience of trying to teach the curriculum to 30 children with different needs and backgrounds? This will be as pertinent to the discussion as mentioning that she doesn't have children of her own. Does she have a cat though?

You mentioned that she's young - Can you share your age, and also if you have other children/if you're an older mother? That will have the same relevance for posters to judge whether your age has an impact on your perception.

Um.

If your child is 5 then you could politely say that your child is struggling,

If your child is 17 and in sixth form you need to suck it up, and so do they.

Have you seen her shout, or has this come from a wobbly story from a young girl child.

Perhaps ask for ideas on how to build your child's resilience?

don't come at me for that, just facts
😂😂😂

Yeah, I can see why parent's evening isn't going to go well with that attitude. I hope the poor woman will have a chaperone to support her when you go in all guns blazing.

You will come over as 'that parent' however you phrase it. Yes, how old is child as it makes a huge difference. If young then I'd approach it from a 'how do I toughen the little mite up as they find the noise in the classroom difficult to cope with?' rather than 'can you tone down your delivery that seems to work for the majority?'. It's a brutal world out there and school can be a huge shock to the system for a little one.

Why on earth are you waiting for parents eve and not sending an email now saying you're worried about your child's resilience and can you have a chat.
Age, marital status and whether she has kids or not is absolutely or no relevance

DC is 6.

I have witnessed the shouting, belittling comments to other children "if I don't let you go to the toilet will you wet yourself? Do you definitely need the toilet?" This was witnessed when I was volunteering at the school. Mocked my DC when I said about a fear they have to my face and theirs.

So yes I do have some concerns and I do believe it's down to the teachers age and potentially lack of experience, again my thoughts and opinion totally hold accountability here but as DC has come from a mature teacher who showed a huge amount of compassion and brought DC out of their shell, it is a concern this teacher will undo all of the hard work previously put into them.

Yes have a chat with the teacher before you get to the parents' evening

Why are you referring to your child as 'their'?
Why is it relevant if the teacher has children?
No wonder young folk don't want to go into teaching with parents like you.
The teacher is teaching a whole class, she isn't just focused on your child's needs.

I do think it's important.

I work within a similar sector and there is a massive difference between parents and those who aren't. Compassion and patience is noticeably different in those who are parents as opposed to those who aren't.

Sorry but I don't really think it's possible for a class teacher to change their way of teaching just for one child?

You can mention that your dc is unhappy and have conversation about the way forward. Is your dc a boy or a girl - is this partly a reaction to having a shouty young female teacher?

FWIW the fact the teacher has no kids is not relevant.

if I don't let you go to the toilet will you wet yourself? Do you definitely need the toilet?"

I honestly can't see anything wrong with asking this. It finds out if the child really needs to go or if they just want to get up. I used to ask my own kids this.

Part of your dc's development is going to be learning that not everyone is going to tiptoe around them, bowing to their every need.

I've never personally witnessed any teacher or TA of six year olds 'shouting'. Raised voice, stern words when needed - yes. Shouting AT them would be completely unacceptable in any scenario for this age group and not something I'd wait until a parents evening to raise.

I'd be very careful about believing the word of your 6 year old in this instance though. Your description of them suggests that anything other than huge smiles, soft words and handholding won't be well received. In which case you need to help them become more resilient, not expect every teacher to keep whispering at them.

I actually have to strongly disagree with you here.

DH and 2 friends are teachers and since becoming parents their compassion and kindness to the children they teach would not have changed - if you're naturally caring and passionate and enjoy your job then I don't think it matters. You could argue that older 'more strict' teachers that have years of parenting and teaching experience are even worse with old fashioned ideas of how children should behave etc.

FWIW I also work in a similar sector and there is no difference between those who are parents and those who are not...I am certainly no different since becoming a mum!

I wouldn’t raise it at parents evening. They are very time limited and it sounds as though there is more you want to unpick than can be done in a short consultation.

The teacher may have an approach that works well with some children, but not with yours. You’re best explaining what has worked before, but without being critical if you can. You need to work together so your child can progress.

Um -you are that parent.
Who thinks their child is the only one that matters and the teacher should be wholly focused on them

I’d also be looking at ways of building resilience in your child.

I forgot to add - I equally sympathise with you as I would not be happy with this teacher if it was my DC. I don't think there's a way to address it without them getting defensive and not liking it, but you have to advocate for your child! I'd definitely be addressing it

I was a teacher for many years and one of the most awful teachers I came across was a mother of two children. One of the most gentle and empathetic (in my opinion a little bit too soft at times) did not have any children. You're being silly with that comment.

On a school trip when we were far away from the toilets a child asked me to go to the toilet, I asked him if he thought he would wee himself if he didn't go right then or if he could hang on for a bit. What is wrong with that?

What is the fear that the teacher supposedly laughed at?

The fact that you felt the need to mention that she doesn’t have children is ridiculous and irrelevant. Also that she’s young. Some of my daughter’s best teachers were young and god forbid, childless.
I feel sorry for her and the teaching profession in general, that there are parents like you who judge them for this.

Try to go in with positive suggestions. What particularly is bothering your Dc. ?

Eg your dc is worried about where to get new reading books from. Explain that a clear explanation is needed.

My dc had a teacher like that - very shouty, even normally quite tough parents were scared of her. She did have her own dc and was near retirement!

Having said that, what's your own experience of trying to teach the curriculum to 30 children with different needs and backgrounds? This will be as pertinent to the discussion as mentioning that she doesn't have children of her own. Does she have a cat though?

Indeed.

When did you witness actual shouting? You seem to have brushed over that. You do realise sometimes children report raised voice over 30 chattering kids as shouting when it is merely raising their voice to be heard. If your child is a sensitive as you say it is very possibly their perception is wrong.