Hi everyone, I’m hoping for some perspective here. A close friend of mine recently moved to Australia, and I’m struggling to feel as sympathetic as I think I should. She moved without ever visiting, thinking it would solve all her problems. She used to say how awful England was and how amazing Australia would be. My other friend and I did warn her she might be disappointed, but we didn’t want to be too negative.
Here’s the context: she’s 29, has been to university twice but has never stuck with a job for long. She finds most jobs difficult and often blames her ADHD for why things don’t go well. I do wonder if it’s more about not wanting to commit to work, rather than just ADHD. She’s been very sheltered—never paying her own phone bill and never contributing financially when she lived at home, despite her parents’ struggles.
She’s also made snide comments about the lives me and our other friend have built for ourselves. We both worked hard for our stable incomes, partners, and homes, and she’s been bitter about it at times. In reality, she’s in a much less secure position, having made poor choices along the way. We’ve tried to give her advice for years on how to make better decisions, but she hasn’t listened.
Before moving, she even criticised my home, saying new builds were “rubbish” and that she could never live in one. She always dreamt of a big detached house, but I think she’s starting to realise how much hard work and financial stability are required to achieve that.
She’s already spent her £30k inheritance, which was supposed to be for a house deposit, on this move. She thought Australia would be cheaper, that she’d easily find a good admin job, and that everything would just fall into place. But after just a month, she’s homesick, financially struggling, and realising how expensive things really are. Now she’s asking me and our other friend for advice, but honestly, I’m not sure what to say anymore. She thought moving would solve everything, but now she’s learning that life doesn’t work like that, no matter where you are.
One of the impulsive things she did before leaving was spend £500 bleaching her hair, only to realise she didn’t like it. Now her hair’s ruined, and she doesn’t even know where to find a good hairdresser in Australia to fix it. It’s just another example of how she doesn’t always think things through before making decisions.
She’s even said things like, “Mum and Dad will buy me a place, so it doesn’t matter,” which feels frustrating to hear, as she’s not facing up to the reality of hard work and responsibility. Now, she’s likely to come back broke, jobless, and without a clear plan. I’m really not sure how to help her at this point because it feels like she’s expecting things to work out without putting in the effort.
Am I being unreasonable to feel frustrated, especially when I’ve tried to give her advice for years? Has anyone else had a friend who makes impulsive decisions and never seems to learn? It’s hard to watch someone you care about keep making the same mistakes, but I do want to be there for her, even though it’s tough.