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To fantasise about mariticide when my DH is being a knob

127 replies

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 05/11/2024 21:49

lighthearted post

I’ll preface it by saying my DH is a wonderful husband and father. He’s great with DIY, he works hard and he’d do literally anything for all of us…

But! There are times when I could throttle him with my own two hands, with glee!

Couple of examples:
-just now, I went to pick up my parcel from the kitchen counter where I left it, it’s no longer there. I asked DH where it was, he immediately replies (without even looking up) “I haven’t seen it”
This is his default, preprogrammed response to any query about any item and its whereabouts. Even if I’ve literally seen him move said item. I then proceed to check all round the house while he doesn’t move a muscle.
Now, if the shoe was on the other foot, I get up and help with the search, and don’t stop until it’s found…

-practically every time I clean the kitchen top to bottom, that is the day he decides he must eat toast, immediately. So out comes the toaster. Bread and toast crumbs then get flung far and wide, as well as being left behind in the butter.
His attempt at cleaning up after himself basically amounts to just picking up the chopping board and sweeping any crumbs on that into the sink-but leaving behind the ones splattered all over the work surface 🤦🏻‍♀️

Since he’s actually a brilliant Dad, and Husband-am I being unreasonable for enjoying these fleeting fantasies every time he does something small that really irks me 🤣

OP posts:
SpikyHatePotato · 05/11/2024 22:05

Why do you want to kill your Mother over things your DH is doing?

TheRutshireWI · 05/11/2024 22:06

SpikyHatePotato · 05/11/2024 22:05

Why do you want to kill your Mother over things your DH is doing?

Mariticide not matricide

Moonshiners · 05/11/2024 22:07

SpikyHatePotato · 05/11/2024 22:05

Why do you want to kill your Mother over things your DH is doing?

You are confused!

LetsRedecorate · 05/11/2024 22:13

Agreed. I will see DP cutting bread on a brand new kitchen worktop and ask if he’d like a breadboard - apparently ‘he’s using one’. He’s not because I can bloody well see what he’s doing. He asks what I’d like in grocery shopping and whatever I say Tesco’s has always magically sold out. Yet if I get a brew he is fussing making sure I have a coaster, and I get five texts if I’m at the shops reminding me what he would like. 🤷🏻‍♀️, but these are just little things and he’s a good man.

Apart from when he makes stinky food in my kitchen and seems to touch a surface I can never locate to clean……..

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 05/11/2024 22:22

LetsRedecorate · 05/11/2024 22:13

Agreed. I will see DP cutting bread on a brand new kitchen worktop and ask if he’d like a breadboard - apparently ‘he’s using one’. He’s not because I can bloody well see what he’s doing. He asks what I’d like in grocery shopping and whatever I say Tesco’s has always magically sold out. Yet if I get a brew he is fussing making sure I have a coaster, and I get five texts if I’m at the shops reminding me what he would like. 🤷🏻‍♀️, but these are just little things and he’s a good man.

Apart from when he makes stinky food in my kitchen and seems to touch a surface I can never locate to clean……..

Ahhh, this 🤣 a thousand times this.
Why are the little things so bothersome. They really shouldn’t matter, but my god they get me riled up 🤣

OP posts:
YarisInParis · 05/11/2024 22:32

Adopt his tactics. If he challenges you give a wry smile. Continue until the penny drops.

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 22:53

Absolutely agree regarding the toast crumbs but the one that has me eyeing up the pillows is the clangety fucking clang of the teaspoon on the mug of tea he's making🤬

LikeTalkingToLassie · 05/11/2024 22:56

Get separate kitchens

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 05/11/2024 23:00

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 22:53

Absolutely agree regarding the toast crumbs but the one that has me eyeing up the pillows is the clangety fucking clang of the teaspoon on the mug of tea he's making🤬

the clangety fucking clang
🤣🤣🤣

I know the clangety fucking clang all too well too 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 23:02

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 05/11/2024 23:00

the clangety fucking clang
🤣🤣🤣

I know the clangety fucking clang all too well too 🤣🤣

I bet there's a whole lot of women who know the clangety fucking clang out there 🤣

YarisInParis · 05/11/2024 23:17

The toast crumbs in the butter stood out for me. Mine believes that the sink magically cleans the breadboard if he leaves it there and if something isn’t at the front of a shelf in the fridge it doesn’t exist.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 05/11/2024 23:18

YarisInParis · 05/11/2024 23:17

The toast crumbs in the butter stood out for me. Mine believes that the sink magically cleans the breadboard if he leaves it there and if something isn’t at the front of a shelf in the fridge it doesn’t exist.

What the fuck is it with the crumbs in the butter?? Why do they scoop out half a tub and then put 90% of it back in, with half a loaf of bloody bread attached!

OP posts:
YarisInParis · 05/11/2024 23:21

Tell me about it OP! Bloody infuriating isn’t it?

Supersoakers · 05/11/2024 23:22

Also beard trimming just after sink has been made sparkling clean. It seems to prompt grooming which has an inadequate clean up effort after.

violentovulation · 05/11/2024 23:24

Time to make him sleep outside.

Gabitule · 05/11/2024 23:27

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 23:02

I bet there's a whole lot of women who know the clangety fucking clang out there 🤣

But there are also women out there who would love to hear the clangety fucking clang instead of the silence of being alone 😀

PickAChew · 05/11/2024 23:29

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 22:53

Absolutely agree regarding the toast crumbs but the one that has me eyeing up the pillows is the clangety fucking clang of the teaspoon on the mug of tea he's making🤬

And which cannot be stirred without splashing.

See also: little blobs of instant coffee granules welded to the floor.

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 23:29

Gabitule · 05/11/2024 23:27

But there are also women out there who would love to hear the clangety fucking clang instead of the silence of being alone 😀

I'm sorry for all the women out there alone but I refuse to feel guilty for hating the clangety fucking clang 😂

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 23:30

PickAChew · 05/11/2024 23:29

And which cannot be stirred without splashing.

See also: little blobs of instant coffee granules welded to the floor.

And never ever emptying the teabag bowl or changing the teaspoon 😒

MyEarringsAreGreen · 05/11/2024 23:33

Mine fills up cups of tea like it's a bloody competition of how much liquid you can get into a cup 😬😬

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2024 23:36

MyEarringsAreGreen · 05/11/2024 23:33

Mine fills up cups of tea like it's a bloody competition of how much liquid you can get into a cup 😬😬

How many times have you been burned being passed a cup?

Onlyonekenobe · 05/11/2024 23:40

With mine it’s never shutting anything fully: kitchen drawers, kitchen cupboards, microwave door, hallway door, closet door, underwear drawer - everything. EVERYTHING. I just want him to COMMIT! Open. Closed. Pick one!

Teuchterlass · 05/11/2024 23:49

Oh I understand totally! My Ex was like that but his party piece was to clean out the fish tank on the kitchen bench/ sink at precisely the time when I was trying to finalise the Sunday dinner(which he knew was imminent) I divorced mine- highly recommended!😁

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 05/11/2024 23:53

PickAChew · 05/11/2024 23:29

And which cannot be stirred without splashing.

See also: little blobs of instant coffee granules welded to the floor.

Yes! Those bastard blobs weld to EVERYTHING!!! And I always get the same response “that wasn’t me”
well it certainly wasn’t our DS since the only coffee he drinks are those fancy pants cold ones you get from Costa.
And it definitely wasn’t me since I’m the only one that cleans the bastard kitchen!! 🤣

OP posts:
PennyCrayon1 · 05/11/2024 23:58

MyEarringsAreGreen · 05/11/2024 23:33

Mine fills up cups of tea like it's a bloody competition of how much liquid you can get into a cup 😬😬

i have the opposite problem. Makes me half a cup of tea ☹️