To fantasise about mariticide when my DH is being a knob

[WhimsicalGubbins76]

lighthearted post

I’ll preface it by saying my DH is a wonderful husband and father. He’s great with DIY, he works hard and he’d do literally anything for all of us…

But! There are times when I could throttle him with my own two hands, with glee!

Couple of examples:
-just now, I went to pick up my parcel from the kitchen counter where I left it, it’s no longer there. I asked DH where it was, he immediately replies (without even looking up) “I haven’t seen it”
This is his default, preprogrammed response to any query about any item and its whereabouts. Even if I’ve literally seen him move said item. I then proceed to check all round the house while he doesn’t move a muscle.
Now, if the shoe was on the other foot, I get up and help with the search, and don’t stop until it’s found…

-practically every time I clean the kitchen top to bottom, that is the day he decides he must eat toast, immediately. So out comes the toaster. Bread and toast crumbs then get flung far and wide, as well as being left behind in the butter.
His attempt at cleaning up after himself basically amounts to just picking up the chopping board and sweeping any crumbs on that into the sink-but leaving behind the ones splattered all over the work surface 🤦🏻‍♀️

Since he’s actually a brilliant Dad, and Husband-am I being unreasonable for enjoying these fleeting fantasies every time he does something small that really irks me 🤣

Yeah, leaving towels all over the bathroom floor is beyond a minor irritation.

I'm confess to changing the toilet roll and leaving the not quite finished one on the windowsill but we have a roller blind and the window is often open and the blind knocks a full one on the floor and we store the fresh rolls in a cupboard outside the bathroom door where they don't get damp.

Only if you're a Protestant. I'm told!

I'm a lapsed Protestant and my toaster lives in the cupboard. I'm not from Ireland.

My DH volunteered ME to babysit an acquaintances child.
In all our years together, I have babysat once - in an emergency for a close family member.

DH is currently babysitting, while I scroll mumsnet .... after a very short lecture about not volunteering me for tasks without asking.
And if you think I'm being mean - I'm currently in the middle of an IBS flare-up and can't be far from the loo, not to mention the stomach cramps, nausea and headache.

Mines a bit unusual in that it’s something he inherited from his mum and he hates it when she does it to him if visiting or staying over, but now genetics are kicking in and he does it to me, he does strangely admit to doing it in a jokey way, but at the same time can’t seem to fight the inevitability of it.

The issue is the kitchen, it will sit there quiet, undisturbed, unused for hours and hours, but the second I go in there to do something, get a drink or make a sandwich, he appears and wants to do the same or similar, reaching in all the same drawers or wanting to use the same piece of worktop and no there is no set times of use.

I’ve tried in vain to tiptoe in, open the pack of ham quietly and smoothly, but he always subconsciously hears and poof, it’s like that Morecambe and Wise breakfast scene but with failed choreography.

Also the other day we were relaxing in separate rooms, I was in the quiet reading and he was also reading but with the radio on in another room. He was a bit peckish, so made himself a BIG BOWL of weetabix minis, nice and crunchy. He then came and sat on the two seater sofa nice and close to have his cereal with me, for company, crunchy, crunchy spoon whacky on bowl company. He did admit that it probably was a bit irritating, I don’t even have misophonia!

Also he will be in his office all day but as soon as I run a mop over downstairs, down he comes needing to walk over every last inch of floor like a recreation of the open scene in hello dolly ‘when the parade passes by’, you’d think hundreds of extras had marched through.

I do lots to piss him off no doubt, when we moved into our first house together from a flat and finally had a staircase I spent a lot of time singing the Petula Clark hit ‘Downstairs’, as I descended instead of downtown, he still can’t handle that song.

It was Downtown not Downstairs.

TBF you did point this out.

Omfg. I had no idea that was A Thing. I assumed it was just my DH because DF never did it. Sometimes I refuse a coffee I want because I can’t bear to hear the CFC!! 🤣🤣🤣

As this thread shows the CFC is a thing and a fucking highly irritating one at that 🤣🤣🤣

I know you’ve corrected yourself and edited, but did you genuinely think I thought it was originally titled ‘downstairs’ and hurriedly came on to correct me? I’m a 1960s British girl singer fanatic, I couldn’t have that 😂

I probably was so excited at the thought of putting a link to the song to read the post correctly, but the thought of you singing it has put me off it for life.
As punishment:

My great, great grandparents were Irish - is that why I keep the toaster in the cupboard? Who knew?

I keep mine in the cupboard because I don't eat toast often.

Mine unloads the dishwasher by putting everything into piles on the worktop then when the whole thing is empty he puts it all into the cupboards. Same when he dries up, dries a thing and puts it on the worktop then puts it all away at the end. He can't put away as he goes along!

He also wipes his face with a tea towel which makes me a bit murdery

Mine’s incapable of emptying the dishwasher, never mind putting anything away. Count your blessings!

Because we love them and (presumably) don't love the flatmates so there's more tolerance there?

My MIL bought a plastic spoon for FIL to stir his drinks because of the amount of clankety fucking clank he creates!

Ohy god your mil is a fucking genius 😁 maybe I should do this so I don't have to hear it, though I'm sure he'd still find a way to make me murdery🤣

@HelterSkelter224 "Because we love them and (presumably) don't love the flatmates so there's more tolerance there?"

But they are expecting you to clean up their mess! How is that OK? Clankety Fucking Clank is one thing. Making a mess and expecting the person you love to clean up after you? Not OK.

It’s OK for me because he does lots of jobs I hate. He also does all the cooking and makes me delicious food. It’s swings and roundabouts, give and take. We must be doing something right - we celebrate our silver wedding next year.

Yes but surely it goes both ways. You must do things that annoy your partner too, without intending to annoy them. It's a lighthearted post, are you suggesting everyone on this thread should LTB over teaspoons and the like?

DP tidies up the washing up. He doesn't do the actually ruddy washing up, he put the pots in neat stacks in the sink. And then walks off. Puts every light in the house on. There are two of us. It's like a bloody airport runway. I wish I lived by myself.

Blimey...this is me!!!!

Me too. The irritatingly laborious clicking through various apps and menus to find some obscure football match. Minute after minute if fumbling. When I feel he's been tortured enough I say, it's on Amazon. And there it is

This one's one will always spill a brew on a freshly mopped floor. He will attempt a wipe up with a pot towel so it remains sticky, due to all of the sugar. 🤔
Mine already has his own old plastic baby spoon for stirring 😂 That he may leave to his heart content in filth on his tea bag coaster.

@HelterSkelter224 "Yes but surely it goes both ways. You must do things that annoy your partner too, without intending to annoy them. It's a lighthearted post, are you suggesting everyone on this thread should LTB over teaspoons and the like?"

Of course-I've listed some of the annoying things I do! And no, not LTB over teaspoons. But there are so many threads about men making messes and leaving them for women to clean up. Or cleaning up incompetently so it has to be done again. It's so infantilising-it's what you'd expect from a toddler.