To fantasise about mariticide when my DH is being a knob

[WhimsicalGubbins76]

lighthearted post

I’ll preface it by saying my DH is a wonderful husband and father. He’s great with DIY, he works hard and he’d do literally anything for all of us…

But! There are times when I could throttle him with my own two hands, with glee!

Couple of examples:
-just now, I went to pick up my parcel from the kitchen counter where I left it, it’s no longer there. I asked DH where it was, he immediately replies (without even looking up) “I haven’t seen it”
This is his default, preprogrammed response to any query about any item and its whereabouts. Even if I’ve literally seen him move said item. I then proceed to check all round the house while he doesn’t move a muscle.
Now, if the shoe was on the other foot, I get up and help with the search, and don’t stop until it’s found…

-practically every time I clean the kitchen top to bottom, that is the day he decides he must eat toast, immediately. So out comes the toaster. Bread and toast crumbs then get flung far and wide, as well as being left behind in the butter.
His attempt at cleaning up after himself basically amounts to just picking up the chopping board and sweeping any crumbs on that into the sink-but leaving behind the ones splattered all over the work surface 🤦🏻‍♀️

Since he’s actually a brilliant Dad, and Husband-am I being unreasonable for enjoying these fleeting fantasies every time he does something small that really irks me 🤣

This too. He thinks the alternative is slamming it. Er, no. Not unless you're a teaspoon clanker.

He doesn't know how they got there and he can't see them, anyway, as he's as blind as a bat. Well I can and I'm as blind as a one eyed bat!

Some things are worse than being alone 🤣

Puts dirty plates in the sink and fills it with water and walks off claims they are "soaking" Makes me want to waterboard him even more so when the fucking dishwasher is EMPTY!!

LTB, immediately.

My so-called "good man"-slash-absolute psychopath puts wet dishes back in the cupboard, stacked on top of one another.

I could write a fucking novel..... 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

These are all so true it's funny.

I can add; sugar granules welded to the worktop, and blobs of butter left in the jar of jam. Teaspoons and buttery knives thrown into the washing up bowl, which later have to be fished out.
Anything he unloads from the dishwasher that is bigger than a breakfast bowl gets left on the hob for me to put away.

That fucking noise that never ends. It takes three hours to stir a cup of tea!

My husband had a habit of leaving kitchen/bedroom cupboard doors open until one day I had enough and I went and opened every single cupboard & drawer in the kitchen.

I just sat down with a nice cup of tea and waited for him to finish his call and come back in the kitchen.

i wish I had recorded his reaction!!! He just stood there looking round saying ‘What the Hell!’

I acted like I hadn’t heard him at first & then when he came next to me I just said I thought he had left the kitchen cupboard doors open as that is what we do now so I just thought I would save him a job & open all the other cupboard doors/drawers.

He muttered as he went round the kitchen closing all the doors/drawers but he didn’t do it again.

He does plenty of things that are annoying but in the grand scheme of things he is an absolute keeper so my response to any of this is to just imitate what he does & funnily enough he seems to stop.

I don’t need to enter into an argument as that gets us nowhere and only escalates matters. Just imitate what they do & see how they react when the boot is on the other foot.

I stopped helping my dh to look for whatever the latest 'lost' item is, I just say I've no idea where it is and ignore the sighs from there on. Re the kitchen he used to do the same shitty attempt at cleaning which really just made more work for me until I kicked up and insisted that the table, counter top, cooker, sink etc all had to be cleared and emptied then washed down and dried, toaster put away, bread back in the bread bin and not sitting on top of the fucking thing, floor swept and nothing left lying around (sports equipment) before bed, I do it mostly because I'm there more but if he makes a mess he now knows I'll follow him and remind him to clean it up. I have noticed he almost never makes a fry up now because I'll call him back again and again if necessary to clean the cooker, the frying pan, the splash back, counter and whatever else he's used!! I love him and he's a good guy but by fuck he fooled me, I thought he was a tidy person who kept his house spotless, I was even concerned that my standards wouldn't be as high as his, turned out his parents were cleaning his house, doing his washing etc at least twice a week while he was working. I didn't know until after we got married, we didn't live together beforehand.

Hmmmm.... I am SO guilty of the fuckety clangety endless stirring of my warm drink.
I can explain though... I infuse fresh mint or thyme with boiling water for x amount of minutes... then coz it not beneficial to place my raw honey in boiling water, I add cold water, then the honey.
The honey is super thick, and coz the water is not hot hot, it takes endless stirring to get it to melt.
I have compromised tho'... I now do the stirring in the kitchen whilst he's on the lounge...

When HE makes a cuppa, the teaspoon is ALWAYS left on the worktop in its own little puddle of tea or that revolting instant hot chocolate....
None of these are grounds for LTB, but on certain days I can either want to swear, but on better days, I just shrug and maybe roll my eyes.

My tiny kitchen won't accommodate a dishwasher... so I do the filling up of the washout bowl to "soak" the dishes in readiness for the actual washing up event.
So much easier to then wash crockethat hasn't got dried on crap.
He HATES me doing this.
Must admit, on the days he's (knowingly or unknowingly) pissed me off, I rather take joy in knowing my little isms are annoying him ... 🤭

Hi all - can I just say I relate Soo Much to the clangety fucking clang clang which is stirring in the sugar to the tea...

I will also add slopping water all over kitchen surfaces with a sponge. Apparently that is 'cleaning it' - no, love, it's slopping water everywhere

Shoes left in proximity to the shoe stand but never on it.
Dirty clothes left next to or on top of the laundry basket but never in it.
Yes coffee welded to the floor!
And the one that really gets to me, if a toilet roll is nearly empty, so maybe 10-20 sheets left it gets abandoned on the window ledge and a fresh one opened. Just FINISH the fucking toilet roll!

Oh no this is me. I will shut every door now forever!

Mine has lost his wallet, for 3 months because I refuse point blank to help him look. He mutters could be here, coukd be there but hasn't really made any great effort.

He make makes coffee and our sugar tub is on a shelf next to the pod machine, I've lost count of how many times a day I walk in and say "the sugar pot lives here" and place it back on the shelf.

My biggest rage is the tech and apps and general incompetence, I don't know how too, - log in to do a food shop, log in to sort flights, log in to sort bank apps, get on live tv , find channels on Netflix. It's just non stop lost passwords,

I can't, I can't... but he's only 53 not 83 I'm like then bloody learn like the rest of us!! We've had the TV 4 year she I'll still claim he hasn't a scooby how to put live TV on.

Oh I now have early morning rage.

I'm not sure which would piss me off more.

The toilet roll….. I literally felt that one in my soul 🤣 this one has me literally raging, because why??? I don’t get it. Every fucking time he changes it he does this

My question to the people who put your toasters away, why? Ours lives on the work top.

Unless you’re Irish - it’s a thing to keep them in the press over there. We spent half term in Ireland and I was pissed off at having to get it out every day.

Mine hides things. He absolutely doesn't mean to, but he does. It's a hangover from his childhood when his mother was so horrendously controlling he wasn't allowed personal possessions that didn't pertain to academic work, so he hid things. He put my bank card in the cake tin cupboard "so it wouldn't get lost", he has put his wallet in the fridge, once he hid an entire pot of baked potatoes I was about to serve at a bonfire party. We found them a week later in the shed, wrapped in a towel. He just "puts things away in a safe place" and then immediately forgets where they are.

The other thing he does is to leave food sitting near him untouched for an hour or so before he eats it. He'll make his plate, sit down with it and then just...footer about not eating it. I had a complex for years, thinking I was the weird one gobbling my food too fast, before I twigged that it's another hangover from his childhood. The only time his bloody mother left him alone was the period around teatime when he could reasonably claim to be busy eating. The rest of the time he was being forcefed Latin exercises and French tests and 11 plus papers and vocabulary tapes. The poor fucker was stretching out mealtimes to buy himself a bit of breathing space!

He drives me potty, but I do adore the mad bugger. He's incredibly accepting, nurturing and un-pushy with our kids. And we see very little of his mother.

Are we married to the same person?

Does yours also open a new loaf of bread before finishing the old one because they can't be bothered to check if there's a loaf in the bread bin too?

Because I can’t bear having stuff left on the worktop! Only the coffee machine lives there on top of the pod drawer.

But there are also women out there who would love to hear the clangety fucking clang instead of the silence of being alone 😀

Don't worry, reading this thread will cure us! 😆

The clangety clang doesn't bother me but the single teaspoon left at the bottom of the sink making a tea stain (usually when I've just completed the washing up and cleaned the sink) makes me want to leave the universe. I've suggested just swilling it under the cold tap for a second as it doesn't exactly need deep cleaning, but no, that would be silly apparently, much better to just leave it at the bottom of the sink for me to find later

Because my worktop has nothing but the kettle, tea/coffee/sugar canisters, bread bin, utensils and kitchen devil on top. All my small appliances are put away to make it easier to clean 🤣. I also can’t bear toasters-messy bloody things. I prefer grilled toast