To fantasise about mariticide when my DH is being a knob

[WhimsicalGubbins76]

lighthearted post

I’ll preface it by saying my DH is a wonderful husband and father. He’s great with DIY, he works hard and he’d do literally anything for all of us…

But! There are times when I could throttle him with my own two hands, with glee!

Couple of examples:
-just now, I went to pick up my parcel from the kitchen counter where I left it, it’s no longer there. I asked DH where it was, he immediately replies (without even looking up) “I haven’t seen it”
This is his default, preprogrammed response to any query about any item and its whereabouts. Even if I’ve literally seen him move said item. I then proceed to check all round the house while he doesn’t move a muscle.
Now, if the shoe was on the other foot, I get up and help with the search, and don’t stop until it’s found…

-practically every time I clean the kitchen top to bottom, that is the day he decides he must eat toast, immediately. So out comes the toaster. Bread and toast crumbs then get flung far and wide, as well as being left behind in the butter.
His attempt at cleaning up after himself basically amounts to just picking up the chopping board and sweeping any crumbs on that into the sink-but leaving behind the ones splattered all over the work surface 🤦🏻‍♀️

Since he’s actually a brilliant Dad, and Husband-am I being unreasonable for enjoying these fleeting fantasies every time he does something small that really irks me 🤣

Maybe it depends on the part of Ireland?

I’m Irish and nobody I know keeps the toaster in the press 😁

Announcing any mess accident or emergency and just looking at it with hands on hips. GET IN THERE AND ADULT MAN!

Yes 🤣 mine does this when one of the cats does something rather smelly in the litter tray. He’ll pass comment on how much it stinks, and then carry on doing whatever he’s doing

My husband spilt half a jar of coffee granules and rather than sweep up decided to hoover them up. My house now absolutely reeks every time I bring out the Dyson....

I need this thread today as my husbands little things have built up to a point of me fantasying about winning the lottery and fucking off forever.

Im constantly surrounded by crap. Coffee cups left in stupid places, the little caps from his insulin needles just left on the side, beer cans NEXT to the recycling box. ARRRGH FUCK OFF. He’s a chef so used to an army of KP’s clearing up after him which he forgets he doesn’t have at home. I love him so much but I also fucking hate him.

Not quite the same thing, but I remember a stand up sketch with Ben Elton calling people who left 2-3 sheets of paper on the roll instead of changing it 'toilet Nazis'.

Rock and a hard place for you, I guess...

@sprigatito the potatoes in the shed cracked me up but I'm actually really sorry for the trauma your poor DH is still carrying with him. Glad he has you!

My big irritation is tea bags More specifically opening a new box. DH is totally incapable of finding the little join in the cellophane to remove it so he just rips a hole in the top through the cellophane and cardboard to get the tea bags out. Gives me irrational rage

Recycling left on the counter. Next to the door. Outside with is the recycling bin. How does he think it will get from counter to bin?

I left it there once to see if he would realise. It was there for 6 days.

You are definitely not being unreasonable and I can definitely relate to this thread 😭 why are they like this

😂😂 I'll get a panicked, but somehow plaintive 'Love?! DS has just thrown up!'

So tempted to just respond with Nick from Zootropolis's deadpan 'Wow. Isn't that interesting?'

Yes yes and yes!

Over many years of living in shared flats and houses I came up with a Theory
of Flatmates: all flatmates are entitled to three habits which make you want to kill them. More than that and you have to Do Something about it, like move out or murder them. But up to three is normal human shite and if they don't respond to being asked to stop then those three habits must be ignored and accepted because everyone else is just as bad in some other way.

I have now decreed it's the same with spouses. They can indulge up to three infuriating habits. More than that and they're either divorced or under the patio. And OP I am starting to worry about your DH.

Ahh you ladies have given me so much comfort from this 🤣 we’re all in identical boats-at least we’re not alone 🤣

We do have quite a large patio….. 🤣🤣

I like this sound!! It means a cup of tea is about to arrive. This is a GOOD THING!!

Do they all do this, I thought it was just mine? I can hear it from the next room and I don’t know if he’s making a cup of tea or summoning the butler. How do they make it so loud?!

I think they do all do it. And they really do sound like they're summoning something 🤣 I wouldnt mind but my DH doesn't even have sugar in his tea so all that fucking clanging is for the tiny ass splash of milk he has🤨

I love that sound! Reminds me of my childhood. Ah tea. 🍵

@WhimsicalGubbins76 wardrobe door! he never, ever closes it!! leaves it wide open!! and the cup is never put in the dishwasher, it makes it sometimes into the kitchen but never even ends up near the dishwasher!! cup is just plonked down anywhere! been telling him for 45 years so things are not going to change anytime soon! and the jammy knife is always left hanging over the sink!

I have finally trained DH not to take a huge amount of butter on his knife to spread on toast then scrape the excess back into the butter tub or onto the butter dish. His whole family does this and cannot understand why I might not want their secondhand toast crumbs in the butter. His mother was the worst. I’ve almost stopped him licking knives.
He is as yet unable to tell the difference between tidying - putting things in the correct place, and moving things - putting them in a different wrong place.
The single most irritating thing he does is drop used contact lens around the bedroom bin rather than in it. Apparently the lens fairy picks them up.

I forgot about doors and lights - once a door is open it must remain open for ever, equally once a light is on it will stay on until bed time. The dishwasher must always be open except when running.

@WhimsicalGubbins76 - it's infuriating isn't it! And he can't explain WHY he does it when I ask him. Is it literally too much effort to get those last few sheets off the roll? I think it's all about avoiding the responsibility of actually changing out the rolls. If he just leaves the old roll someone else will finish it and then it's their job.

@Duckingella - no he doesn't open new bread but does with milk. He just grabs the first thing he sees and opens it.

@AtomHeartMotherOfGod - I used to love watching Ben Elton stand up! I can't believe he actually named it! It's officially a thing. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I thought of another one- filling up the fridge with half drunk cans of coke that shall never be finished. At the expense of food that actually needs to be refrigerated.
And telling the kids to use Vicks for every ailment. Stuffy nose? Vicks! Food poisoning? Vicks! Broken leg? Put Vicks on it!

@Chemenger , what possessed you to marry this creature?

You know what would really interest me-if there was a dadsnet and someone made a similar post about their wife 🤣
I really think they don’t see the things they do that are infuriating. I’d love to see what they would say about us.
With my DH it would probably be filled with “she nags ALL the time about leaving things lying around, making a mess (when I always clean up), and she’s got this weird obsession with using a clean teaspoon every time she makes a brew, rather than just reusing the coffee/tea soaked one that I leave on the work surface for her” 🤣

I didn't even know teaspoon clinking was a problem. Either my DH genuinely doesn't care or he's on that dadsnet group having a moan!