To fantasise about mariticide when my DH is being a knob

[WhimsicalGubbins76]

lighthearted post

I’ll preface it by saying my DH is a wonderful husband and father. He’s great with DIY, he works hard and he’d do literally anything for all of us…

But! There are times when I could throttle him with my own two hands, with glee!

Couple of examples:
-just now, I went to pick up my parcel from the kitchen counter where I left it, it’s no longer there. I asked DH where it was, he immediately replies (without even looking up) “I haven’t seen it”
This is his default, preprogrammed response to any query about any item and its whereabouts. Even if I’ve literally seen him move said item. I then proceed to check all round the house while he doesn’t move a muscle.
Now, if the shoe was on the other foot, I get up and help with the search, and don’t stop until it’s found…

-practically every time I clean the kitchen top to bottom, that is the day he decides he must eat toast, immediately. So out comes the toaster. Bread and toast crumbs then get flung far and wide, as well as being left behind in the butter.
His attempt at cleaning up after himself basically amounts to just picking up the chopping board and sweeping any crumbs on that into the sink-but leaving behind the ones splattered all over the work surface 🤦🏻‍♀️

Since he’s actually a brilliant Dad, and Husband-am I being unreasonable for enjoying these fleeting fantasies every time he does something small that really irks me 🤣

Mine seems to hide what he wants cooked for lunch. I don't mind the cooking, I can't go and harvest the crops so I'll happily cook and have it ready. However instead of simply having it in the fridge he seems to take pleasure in hiding it various spots around the kitchen/freezer/back of the fridge but in packaging of something else/ anywhere random. He swears he doesn't do it on purpose but both DD1 and I think he does it to f**k with us. (He does rearrange her coke cans as a wind up).

Mine would be on dadsnet saying, 'Every time - EVERY TIME - I do the lawn edges I tell her not to walk on them & ruin them, & she says she won't & every damn time she does.'

While over here I'm going to say, 'He moves my plants that are in pots, hides them round the garden for who knows what reason AND THEN DENIES MOVING THEM or even having seen them, when I ask where they are. Every damn time.'

I’ve actually really considers starting a post like this as when my husband is pissing me off internet think about all the things I do that piss him off 🤣 but mumsnet does seem to have a sense of humor bypass lately so have been a bit nervous about starting threads!

Ooh I like this thread! My contribution is:

1. He knows I hate being handed a cup of tea, I'm scared of being burned, there's never a good way to grab it and it inevitably always spills, yet EVERY SINGLE TIME he brings me one he goes to hand me it and I have to say 'put it on the table please' every single time.
2. Coming in from work and leaving his bag, hard hat and boots in the kitchen despite walking past the box in the utility room that is for his work stuff. Why carry it further than he needs to!
3. Having a shite and doesn't open the window after
4. Doesn't care when I've lost something, yet when he loses something he needs all hell breaks loose and it's everybody else's fault until it's found.

I'm sure there is more but I'll be getting lots of LTB if I carry on 😂😂

I know what you mean, but the sense of humour is here in SPADES 🤣
Perhaps we’re all just disillusioned with the many, many entitled and trolling posts that we see.
But if there’s one thing that can always unite women, it’s our grumbling about the menfolk 🤣 much as we love them, they’re bloody irritating at the same time

🤣🤣🤣 i actually dont think there’s one single post on here that I don’t agree with. My DH does ALL these things. It’s like they all have the same basic recipe when being made.

I have one question, how the FUCK have men been the “superior” gender all those centuries 🤣🤣 how did we let them??

Hahaha @WhimsicalGubbins76 maybe we married the same man.... you can keep him.

😂😂

Mariticide - I didn't know this word existed
(English is not my first language).

My husband, who is 74, insists on ejecting toast out of the toaster "so he doesn't electrocute himself" while holding a knife so hard, it usually jumps on the table and... crumbs. He thinks it's actually funny to do that.
Also, sometimes there are marmalade "paw prints" on the table, a bit like Paddington Bear.
He's a very decent man, too.
😂

It’s only fair to share

I’ll have him on weekdays when he works. You can have the weekends 🤣

My DH cannot and will not ever wipe up spills on the kitchen floor. If anything ever gets spilled, he just drapes a sheet of kitchen roll over the top of it and leaves it there. When challenged about why the fuck he can't just use that same bit of kitchen roll to WIPE THE FUCKING SPILL UP LIKE A NORMAL PERSON he looks quite hurt and explains that it was 'left that way to soak up' and that he 'was going to come back and do it' but the kitchen paper 'lets people know there's a spill there so they don't slip in it.'

Gives me the absolute rage.

Oh my god, not checking the bread bin is another one mine does. It's a good job I love the fucker because I could be driven to get a patio for him🤭

Mine does this too - along with leaving dishes on top of the worktop above the dishwasher............no matter how many times I ask how they will magically migrate to the inside of the dishwasher or if the fairies will take them to the bin it still happens 😡

Oh yes I get this with bread too. He can't separate the tie at the top so just rips the bag in a really annoying way 😒

...pemanently - under your new patio 😈

@monicagellerbing with regards to the losing stuff do you usually end up finding it and it was literally right on front of his face😂 when my DH asks where something of his is I ask him every single time have you actually looked past your nose? 😂

This made me laugh 😆

Well done!

I'd also like to confess that I put my DH through decades of him neatly opening loaves of bread by unsticking the little tag round their necks so they could be re-sealed later, while I ripped open the main body of the bag rendering the whole thing useless. This is known as 'being Tony the Tiger' from childhood days of Frosties.

I must have some good points because I'm still here. He has lots of good points but he does the toilet roll thing. And he stuffs recyclable packaging between the food mixer & the fridge while he's cooking AND LEAVES IT THERE.

DH did the dirty teaspoon on the side thing. When I kept disappearing them, he migrated to half rinsing them and putting them on the white porcelain dish drainer where they inevitably left stains. When I eventually blew my top asked him why be said he didn't want to run out of teaspoons. That's the point at which I opened the drawer and pulled out 11 identical ones plus another dozen different ones that would still do the same job. I think he got my point.

The one I really can't get to grips with is his insistence on doing things twice. We use pretty much the same crockery, each day, so it all has a more or less set space in the dishwasher. That doesn't stop him from putting it in random places, insisting he will move it later 🤨😖 He's the same with teabags, chucking them in the sink before the bin, even if they're cold. That's if he remembers the second bit.

My pet peeve is when I am going to give the bathroom a really deep clean. You know when you empty it out and scrub it.
We have one bathroom and the loo is full in it.
Try to time it for when other half is out for a few hours.
Always pre-warn him.
Me: do you want a shower before I start on this bathroom?
Him: no.
Afterwards I treat myself to a nice soak bearing in mind I get out of the bath, dry it, and it looks gorgeous as it did when I finished cleaning it.
His favourite two tricks:

1. This bathroom looks lovely all fresh towels out. Do you know I fancy a shower now. (Then has one and there is water everywhere, the towels end up on the floor, etc!)
2. Or he waits for me to run the bath, my posh oil in it, best towels, my ultimate treat and he will say… sorry, I need a quick poo. It is never quick nor is it fragrant. So I have to try and mask it with Toilet Duck. The whole thing drives me absolutely nuts!

Slurping his tea ......
And Everything Aforementioned

And......against the tide of his tsunami of untidiness...... if I clear and wipe an empty table/kitchen worktop/flat surface and I bask in that moment of unclutteredness, and savour it.
Every. Single. Time.
He will put something on it, Grrrrrrr

No longer buy unsliced bread.....
Himself slicing a loaf is enough to make a woman weep ( the ILs are the same, obs genetic)

Thorinfling

Vick (sigh) stuff of magic

I so get sense of humour failure on threads like this. Why do you put up with stuff from the person who loves you that you wouldn't put up with from a flatmate?

You realise we're joking right? Yes they do these annoying little things but because you love them you put up with them 🤷 I'm sure all of us do annoying little things too but our husbands/wives/partners love us too so it all balances out

@Devilsmommy "You realise we're joking right? Yes they do these annoying little things but because you love them you put up with them"
I know you're joking. And of course we all do annoying little things- when we had a diesel car I used to drive my dp mad by not buying diesel til the last possible minute. And when he offers me a cup of tea, I always say no then change my mind. So much so that he now makes me one anyway. But it's so disrespectful to make a mess and expect a woman to clean up after you.