ExH brought his dog in my house without permission

[CfCfCftooMuch]

ExH just dropped off his dog in my house. For me to look after, even though i had said no to looking after him. The dc let Exh and dog in when i was out. They love that dog and of course had no knowledge of anything.

ExH is gone now for two weeks. Abroad. He just walked out and took off to the airport, leaving dog behind.

I've got two dc and two cats and work long hours. The cats have never spent a night/day alone in the house with this dog. He is kind and mellow, but a large breed. Size of a wolf.
I've contacted a dog shelter and might have to go to go through rspca.

Posting to tell someone. This is just one of many many ways he always finds a way to use me or control my life. I didn't want any of this. And now im left here calling shelters (which im asked to pay for), calling womens aid, calling rspca, figuring out how to do this without upsetting the dc, texting exH to sort out care if he doesn't want me to take this further, posting here for support, trying to figure out tomorrow with sorting out the kids, my work, other stuff, business meeting and my actual day job. Honestly?! Wtf!!!

@Lake9mo I get it. I've been there. These men can really do a number on women, making them feel powerless and stuck in a wanting to please mode.

It's liberating when you can see it for what it is but I do appreciate this is a process

OP - you need to start cutting off his access to you. Why are you letting him have open season on WhatsApp? Why are you asking him to look after your cats?

You say he's abusive and gaslights you. Set up a new email address. Give him this. Tell him he is able to contact you via this email but only regarding the kids. Tell him you will check it once a week and respond to anything you deem worthy of responding to - you can also do this with a mobile phone. Get a cheap PAYG and turn it on once a day for 5 mins.

The longer you allow all this weird unfettered access to your life, the longer you remain trapped with him

This is a red herring, the dog issue.

Yes and open his wardrobe so it's at least got some stuff to chew on🤭😁

No dog likes being dumped in a house alone for hours. They are pack animals, not cats!

The RSPCA would define that (and any sane person that knows anything about dogs) as CRUEL.

Can you take it to a kennel and he has to pay to get it back?

My god what a shit human being. The only good thing is he's an EX

@AllYearsAround of course they don't! Absolutely they don't run this service. Thats not the point

They DO work solely with animals however and they do have processes to deal with abandoned animals. If you read my posts carefully you'll see that I know this is a whole heap of aggro for them but its their actual job to deal with this

Unless you're suggesting the OP keep showing this prick that she will do what the fuck he wants her to?

Yes. Not fair on the dog but better that than with the dog warden. Let is piss and shit in his house and eat his furniture. Do not clean up after it.
“Sorry ex-dh but I couldn’t leave it at mine with 2 cats and I have a full time job so got the kids to leave it at yours during the day”

Very good advice here OP - time to set serious boundaries.

Think the dog warden is a better bet for an abandoned dog than a vet.

Do what you said - drop the dog off at his house at 7.30am. Tell him the dog is there and you'll be back at 6.30pm, if the dog shits everywhere then that's on him. And report to rspca etc. Dog warden? Tie the dog up outside? I feel for the poor dog but honestly this is awful that he's done this.

J@AllYearsAround yes probably better placed perhaps

Sometimes I think I’ve heard it all and then threads like this show me men can plumb new depths.

although your ex is a cunt, the children also love this dog and you don’t want him telling them you gave it away or whatever. If you don’t have any joy dropping at a vets, might someone from borrow my doggy walk it for free?

But what about her cats welfare? She can't leave it in the house with cats ot has not been introduced to.

Dog rescues are so hugely over run and pressured with genuine cases of dogs who don't have a home. I really don't think it's fair to take this dog there, aside from the fact that it isn't the poor dogs fault.
I would find a local dog sitter who can take him and bill your ex. There are lots around here who take them into their homes, and some nice boarding facilites. What he has done isn't fair on you but also not fair on the poor dog 😢

It wouldn't like it but it would be preferable to a pound.
RSPCA don't consider it neglect if a dog has food, water and shelter.

Why should OP spend her time and money “popping round to feed it” daily? I say take it back, leave some food and water and text him to say that’s what you’ve done.

do not get involved further.

the dog is his responsibility. Any suffering by the dog is as a result of him

Why would the ex pay the bill?

Have you called the dog warden as PP's have suggested?

Really? At what point does it sound like this is an XL? Christ.

It isn't actually a vet's actual job to handle unwanted animals. Plenty will try to help out of compassion but it absolutely isn't their job to and plenty will also simply point out they aren't a boarding kennels or a shelter and politely refuse.

The dog warden is your best bet. You would need to make it clear the dog has been abandoned, that you can't care for it and your ex hasn't made any arrangements for care or collection.
But honestly I'd be tempted for a friend to contact the dog warden and say they found it straying- after it presumably slipped out of the door you left open for the cats.

Do not message him. Do not try and negotiate for someone to collect etc etc or to leave at his place. You drive straight to shelter for abandoned dogs and take dog there. Do not play this game.

OP is skint. The dog sitter is hardly going to take on the work with a promise of being paid by some random they don't know, and also OP has been clear that her ex wouldn't give her any money.

Solutions that involve OP having cash and/or XP being reasonable enough to pay for his own dog are no use here.

Dog wardens usually work office hours. OP can call after 9 tomorrow.

This!

But this is genuine. He has abandoned his dog at her house which is totally unsuitable and no care arrangement in place. He is a negligent owner. You cannot arrange a pet sitter and say ex is paying the bill. He hasn't signed any contract and she won't get anything back for it. This is not OPs responsibility. Her best bet is to give him a deadline to find a solution or she contacts RSPCA and he will have to explain how he is a responsible dog owner to them if he wants his dog back