New colleague commenting on name

[Ifyouseeitsayit1983]

Felt a bit upset and annoyed today. Started a new job yesterday. Another person started at the same time. We were completing online training this afternoon and she saw my surname on the screen. She said 'how do you pronounce that?!?' with a derogatory tone. I told her. Now my name is not awful pronounced correctly but if pronounced incorrectly could be mistaken for a rude word for a man's private parts! After I told her the correct pronunciation she said 'oh I bet loads of people pronounce it the wrong way ha ha' and laughed. Now bear in mind I'd never met this woman before yesterday morning and she has already given off an air of superiority to the others in the team 'oh I could never drink instant' for example so not warming to her. I just laughed it off (name thing) but felt really down after. Don't want to put up with aholes like this in the workplace! Would u just ignore and try to stay away or say anything to line manager??

Is it the name of a brand of port?

People need to get a grip, even in ‘serious’ professional environments, are people immune to humour? We don’t know the tone of the conversation, the name, the ‘joke’ - maybe she was nervous and trying to break the ice, maybe she was being friendly… even if she was being a mare, build a f*ing bridge and get over it… Most office-type environments are replete with bitchiness and ‘politics’. You have to toughen up…

Cockburn?

I have a name that sounds similar to s rude word

People have always joked

I really dont care much. It says a lot about them being a dick

Toughen up a bit

Unacceptable behaviour??
Witnesses? Calm down 😂

🤣🤣🤣 omg I can’t stop laughing!

It is a basic courtesy to try to get another person's name right.
And it is the height of insensitivity to make a joke about someone's name.
Generally speaking, people feel their name to be part of their identity.
Think about having your own name deliberately mispronounced to make it into a derogatory term. Would you like that? No. You wouldn't.

I was a teacher for many years and made it a personal rule to pronounce each child's name correctly and as they wished it to be said. If necessary, I'd say something like: "Sorry if I'm making a mess of saying your name. Come & give me some help at the end of class".

I understand because: I have a regional UK name which is spelled "differently". As a result I suffered from constant teasing at school from deliberate mispronunciation by classmates as well as the continuous, oblivious, mispronunciation by teachers and other adults.
No-one ever got it right. Most people would react as if it was my FAULT for having an unusual & out of the ordinary name.
So I shortened it to a version of a different, common, phonetically simple name to avoid the pain.
I've gone through life under this "nickname", which I don't really like.
My proper name still causes difficulties. It is a fairly rare name outside it's home country. So people ask: "can you spell that?" I now refuse to do so, saying: "No, I won't spell it, 'cos that's when the trouble starts!" (adding a laugh to absolve the asker from feeling blame). Or, I spell it phonetically (not quite like the actual spelling).

You think I'm exaggerating?

I'm in my 8th decade of putting up with this.

Ifyouseeitsayit 1983 - you have my full sympathy.

If your name is obviously a funny like Ms Penis and you say "it's pronounced Pen-ouis" or Ms Cock, "its pronounced Coo-erk" then yes, YABU. Either accept your name is ridiculous and grow a funny bone or change it. If it's barely even anything and not worth joking about then that's dumb and YANBU but it sounds like they were valid in mentioning it because it's actually a silly sounding name.

She sounds like an in your face kind of person best avoided if possible. I would also be very wary of someone who doesn't understand appropriate behaviour in the workplace. If she says something similar I would say "I don't appreciate your comment" or something similar and avoid like hell. Being sensitive also means your aware and care about how you treat people and are treated. Ignore the mean girls on here, they just don't get our type

I have a name like that - the 2nd part is often made to sound like female genitals as they use a soft g rather than a hard g sound. I'm used to it but as soon as dd3 leaves school I'm changing back to my maiden name! I have had a few idiots making a thing about it but I just let them get on with it.

I have a double barrel first name any my whole life my name has been a thing which can make you very oversensitive.
My response is to self deprecate before anyone else can and not care at all!
Yeah my parents could've make up their mind, bloody indecisive!
Oh, I go by anything, literally, anything, yell oi you I'll respond etc

Tbh, I am dyslexic and my brain always messes up, so I ask to make sure I get it right as I hate doing it other people and want them to be comfortable.

In time she might end up revealing herself as a wrongen, but I think these examples could just be feeling a bit nervous and being a bit awkward - you could end up being firm friends. Reset and give her the benefits of the doubt and eat lots of chocolate as that will help the hormones 😉

@MaddestGranny I thought long and hard about dd3's name as I wanted a name that worked in her father's country as well as the UK. I choose a lovely 5 letter name which I thought would be fine but no it causes so many issues. I've told dd she can change it if she wants but she loves her name.

Surely if your surname could be pronounced like an intimate part of male anatomy, you've dealt with these comments many times before? I'd just shrug it off.
If she is indeed a rude idiot then no one will like her.

I’m sorry you don’t have a sense of humour OP. This is definitely something I would and have said. As for the instant coffee comment… so what! Everyone has things they don’t like. Why does her dislike of instant coffee bother you so much? Are you seriously contemplating speaking to your manager about this??? You’ve been there 5 mins and they will 100% think you are crazy. If this person is really bothering you then leave, but if this is the kind of thing that keeps you up at night I suspect you are probably going to have issue in every role you ever work in.

Oh dear god. Get over it 🙄

The exchange re your name gives off faint vibes to me that she was a bully when she was younger. I'm sorry it hurt your feelings. Be professional and courteous with her, but nothing more for the time being x

Cockburn was my guess

This.

I lived with 30 years of piss taking about my maiden name. I’m still alive

Total over reaction. Do not bring this up especially if you’re new. You will look like a tool

Well this is the problem with some names/surnames, parents don’t think when naming and then kids are burdened with this crap. A colleagues surname is Hardik and he gets a rough time, it is also the name of a famous Indian cricketer but what can you do other than laugh! Please try to develop a sense of humour.

Let it go. New jobs and training are stressful. She may be very nervous, socially clumsy, trying to be funny to make friends.

Get to know her. See if this is a pattern of behaviour. If so, some friendly peer feedback to her about personal reputation and brand may help.

'I've noticed a couple of times you've ...
I don't know if you're aware, and I'm sure you don't intend it, but when that happens ... I feel ... it feels insensitive ... you can appear ...'

Some people can be very thick skinned and blunt and don't realise how they're coming across.

Don't go to the manager - unless her behaviour escalates and becomes a habit that is affecting you and others.

Don’t agree with this vote at all. She’s really rude and acted like a child. You’d not be unreasonable to bring it up, but for an easy life I’d leave it and see how things play out as other people start to clock she’s difficult.

If your name is something like Cockburn it's probably good that they asked first tbf!

I wouldn't bring it up, but I think some PPs don't understand how annoying it can be to be constantly reminded that your name is different (I have a difficult foreign name and feel your pain).

It's not dissimilar to my husband who's 6ft6 and constantly gets "wow you must be like 2 meters tall" and "what's the weather like up there", and is utterly tired off it. Every comment taken individually is fairly innocent and no big deal, but when barely a week goes past without someone commenting on your name, height, etc it becomes annoying quite quickly I find.

Exactly. No need to gaily ‘laugh it off’ and then simmer with fury enough to post on the internet about it.

I had an Irish name in England, and a senior colleague in a new workplace made a similar, though rather sneerier, remark about ‘ridiculous’ Irish names pronunciation and how people must get it wrong all the time. I shrugged and said, deadpan, ‘Oh, you’ll find ignorance everywhere’.

About a year later, he got drunk at a work party and it emerged his parents were Irish, he’d been born in Mayo, but brought up in London, and was ashamed of his background. And he used his middle name. His first name was Tadhg.