New colleague commenting on name

[Ifyouseeitsayit1983]

Felt a bit upset and annoyed today. Started a new job yesterday. Another person started at the same time. We were completing online training this afternoon and she saw my surname on the screen. She said 'how do you pronounce that?!?' with a derogatory tone. I told her. Now my name is not awful pronounced correctly but if pronounced incorrectly could be mistaken for a rude word for a man's private parts! After I told her the correct pronunciation she said 'oh I bet loads of people pronounce it the wrong way ha ha' and laughed. Now bear in mind I'd never met this woman before yesterday morning and she has already given off an air of superiority to the others in the team 'oh I could never drink instant' for example so not warming to her. I just laughed it off (name thing) but felt really down after. Don't want to put up with aholes like this in the workplace! Would u just ignore and try to stay away or say anything to line manager??

Your spider senses are tingling and so I would listen to them. I wouldn’t report this early on in a job, because I think it will be counterproductive, sadly, so I would go forward being professionally friendly on the surface, so no-one thinks it’s you being the problem, but definitely keep your distance where you can until you can assess further. It’s so easy to say stupid stuff when nerves kick in (I have form for this!) and hopefully this is all it is, but I’ve learned to pay attention to my instincts and not to be too easily dissuaded away from them.

As someone with a name which can be mispronounced to a boy's name who spent years having to correct teachers and being mocked with it ...

I think you are over reacting.

You already decided you don't like her because of the coffee comment

She asked a perfectly reasonable comment about how to pronounce your name, which you interpreted as snide, and then made an off hand but obvious comment about how it could be mispronounced. Unless she starts deliberately calling you it then it's nothing to worry about

My kids have a teacher called Mr Nobes pronounced no-bs. I know some of the kids call him something completely different.

Wow you sound a nightmare to work with. Oversensitive, dramatic. She made a joke you didn't like and your first thought is grass her up. It's OK to just let some things go. Not everything has to be a big drama.

Shame your friendships aren't like your coffee.

I wonder if that's OP's surname pronounced Bellond of course

Grow the fuck up? She said ‘I bet lots of people pronounce it the wrong way’. What is wrong with that??? She didn’t call her the incorrect name. She did the right thing by asking OP how to pronounce it.

The colleague has done nothing wrong.

Op you don't know this woman. Why on earth would you allow someone you don't know affect you this much. When dogs bark at you in the street do you obsessed over why they did it and feel hurt? She made some noises and they were a bit annoying. In future don't laugh and don't respond, just literally move on to the next topic of conversation. You don't need her to approve of your name.

I’m guessing it’s Cockburn, pronounced Coburn

OP you’re a grown adult, surely you’ve encountered others in your life that have ribbed you on your name before.

It isn’t a big deal, stop creating drama, take it in good humour and move on with your life.

You feel how you feel, obviously OP

But I genuinely couldn't get worked up over someone asking me how I pronounce my name, and then saying they bet people pronounce it wrong, because it sounds rude 😳

Or Coch !

My name is one that if you choose to emphasise it in a wrong way then you can just about hear a very mildly (to 6 yo boys) amusing word.
When it is pointed out to me I roll my eyes inwardly and say "yes. I've been told that before." And that the end of that conversation. It's totally non-event really.

Now bear in mind I'd never met this woman before yesterday morning and she has already given off an air of superiority to the others in the team
I don't really get what the issue is here. The way you've written this I would have assumed if you hadn't written the earlier bit, that she was the newbie and that was her introduction to the team. On the basis this isn't, then the team is used to her and either they know what she's like and roll their eyes, or they know what she's like and love her for her quirks.

So just chill out and, you never know, you might get to know her and become friends.

@PCOSisaid i don’t like instant either and only drink my own coffee form my bean to cup machine. But I don’t go around announcing I don’t like instant and sound like a twat. That would be carport behaviour and sounding superior to those that DO like instant.

I also have a dry sense of humour - but I don’t belittle people with it.

@Ifyouseeitsayit1983 you’re not being oversensitive at all - ignore those people n here saying you are. They’re just keyboard warriors hiding behind anonymity.
The colleague didn’t just ask how to pronounce it (totally fine) but she made a joke about it thereby putting you down. I would ignore for now and see how others view her. If she keeps it up have a quiet word and say “you’re making me feel uncomfortable with XXX, please stop”. If she continues, you go to your manager.

i wouldn’t

I was slightly sympathetic on your post until you suggested telling your line manager. You absolutely cannot take trivia like this to your line manager and expect to be taken seriously, especially not at the start.

Just don't be friends with her, be professional but nothing more.

I haven’t read the responses but as per usual mumsnet is bringing out the worst in people.

Just wanted to send a bit of love out your way before I reflect on this and give some advice.

The issue is the new colleague, not you. If they are so ignorant to have to associate a name that they don’t understand to placate their small mind then that’s them, not you.

Ill respond later with advice on what I think you could do!

So asking how your name is pronounced in a derogatory manner, and laughing about the possibility of it being pronounced wrongly in a way that sounds like it belongs in the playground, is perfectly fine, professional behaviour?

Do you work in a school?

Totally agree with this.

And despite what others have said, I think that it’s not trivial and pretty rude from your colleague, but perhaps that’s the millennial snowflake in me 😂 I wouldn’t waste any time, thought or effort on her by reporting, it but just keep the mental note there and assess as you get to know her better. It really might have been a one-off or she might be like that all the time…. time will tell!

I am asked how I pronounce my surname on a daily basis and have been for most of my life. I don't think it's worth getting upset about.

Agree it's not one to report to a line manager - but she was being a bit rude for saying that lots of people would pronounce it wrongly, and twattish for openly laughing

I think I'd have just said 'not really, no. Most people just ask and then say it correctly'

I know what you mean re the superiority - but trust me, more people will note that about her!

I used to work in a school where the head of senior leadership was called Mr Allcock. Pronounced how it looks. He was a very good sport about it but I’m sure you can imagine all the fun they had with that name (at an all boys school!)

I have a non-English name, and my mother in law cannot come to terms that people don’t find it as difficult or as funny as her to be able to pronounce or spell my name.

She’s the idiot that can’t handle anything other than ‘Smith’ or similar.

OP I’m sorry that some people on here are proving the worst. I came off mumsnet for a while and seeing responses like the ones you are getting make me realise I’m not a mumsnetter and I shall make this my last ever post!!

I think you’re being a little over sensitive tbh…and I say that as someone whose original surname was ‘Cock’ 😂

As the owner of a surname that people just seem incapable of pronouncing 🙄 you have my sympathies. I am also highly sensitive and would be upset too. You’re not over reacting, but I probably wouldn’t go to a manager. If she continued to tease you about it, then I would say something to a manager.
good luck in your new job!

@Moveoverdarlin Yes, maybe she felt a bit embarrassed and tried to laugh it off to ease the tension.

Honestly, reading some of these comments, it’s no surprise that so many workplaces feel toxic. It’s as if you have to monitor every single word, constantly on edge in case someone interprets it the wrong way—and then all chaos breaks loose 🙄

I take your Cock, and I raise you Handcock. My long-suffering, but good humoured pal.