To go on the school trip or should I leave my child to go herself and hope for the best?

[Notsurewhatisbest]

Not really an AIBU but would appreciate any replies

My daughter is very clingy, will happily go to clubs etc without me but there is a school trip at the beginning of next year for 3 nights and she’s starting to worry about being away from me.

They are looking for parent helpers and I would happily help but I’m worried I’m making things worse and it would be better for her if I wasn’t there to learn to be more independent?

Shes 11 for reference.

Oh Jesus don't go. As you say, the whole point is for them to do stuff without the parents around.

Is there any opportunity to do a few practice sleepovers or something beforehand?

You have some time, I'd try very hard to get her feeling comfortable without you being there and if it's still a problem then consider going. I'd talk to the teacher and explain the situation, see if you can be an extra helper on standby if you see what I mean. But I'm sure they'll be reassuring and look after her if they know she's more anxious

Has she slept away from home before? Can she practice by sleepovers at grandma's/friends houses

Don't go

Totally cringe

If you go she'll want to just disappear after the first five minutes

Oh gosh I remember DD2 s school trip and one kid crying about leaving his mum. Think it took him till the end of year 8 before the other kids stopped mentioning it. This was a year 6 trip

Not sure what good it will do your daughter with Mummy tagging along. Might be ok if she's going to a totally different secondary school to everyone else

I understand the temptation but I really think you’d be missing a great opportunity for her to learn some independence if you go. It’s only three days, it won’t kill her if she misses you a bit.

That’s really horrible. I’ve worked as a teacher for years and yes, someone usually gets upset on a residential. I’ve never known other children be unkind about it.

I run a camp for primary school aged kids and get this a lot from parents - they are clingy, don't wnat to leave me, worried about being away from home, haven't done any sleepovers before etc.

My reply is that if there is no suspected additional needs, and the child is not adopted, then they will benefit from it.
With an 11 year old, I would be actively encouraging her to have time with others and to be a bit more independent. Secondary school is a big step, and a bit of confidence and independence goes a long way to help.

Do sleepovers in safe spaces - grandparents, close friend, cousin. Arraneg times when she has a day or an afternoon away from you, not to do an exciting trip, just being with others.

And the kids are always fine on camp. Yes we get homesickness, but even with that they are really glad they did it.

She either goes alone or doesn't go.

Let her make the choice.

It's quite hard to know - part of me thinks of childhood as being like stepping stones - if you're on a wobbly stone you're more likely to freeze and cower on it, but a fixed stone where you feel safe gives you the confidence to move off it!

In other words, I'd keep giving my child support until they were ready to cope without it.

Of course, you'd have to use judgement with this and ensure it did not turn into dependence. There may be a policy to not pair children with parents anyway, but if there isn't, maybe get the school to support you by enabling you to be there but be removed from your DD for the most part.

If they are looking for volunteers then some patients will be there, why not her parent? My DS liked me being places till he was about 13. Happily ignored me when I was there but it gave him a sense of security that I was closeby.

To all of the other children I’ll be there to help out as there are other parent helpers that will be there, so I don’t suspect they will tease her for it. I know all of the children in her class well and they are a lovely bunch.

Maybe I’m also the problem, I’ve never had more than 1 night away from her. Not by choice, we’ve just never had the opportunity and grandparents aren’t interested in sleepovers. I can ask them to take her for a sleepover but don’t think that will make a difference to be honest.

They hadn't left by that stage. Was before they got on the coach. And the kids mother was weeping about" missing her baby"

The other17 kids all excited to go, just one child and parent wailing

Also I should add if this was a day trip anywhere she would be so excited and wouldn’t care. It’s the aspect of not having me around over night.

Do not go. This is a perfect opportunity for her to achieve more than she currently thinks able. It will do her and you the world of good.

If she is clingy it will become very clear and yes it may make her a target.

@Gogogo12345 oh poor thing for getting teased. I was basically that kid on my first school trip. Sobbing in the car park and clinging on to my parents. Then calling them from the trip (France!) begging to be collected. I don't recall anyone ever teasing me about it or even feeling remotely embarrassed for feeling like I did!

Didn't u have a school trip until you were 11? Most kids have done brownie) cub camps etc well before the year 6 trip

And was your mum also crying about missing her baby

Most clingy children are clingy because of their parents' attitudes and insecurities. Don't go. Build resilience in the meantime.

They need helpers.
I would go.
Clingy children sometimes need more reassurance than confident children. It's not necessarily a fault or a parenting fail.
Be there but keep a low profile.

Tell me you’re a helicopter parent without telling me you’re a helicopter parent

I wouldn't go either. I'd tell her to think about it and decide if she wants to.

@Gogogo12345 I'm fairly sure I didn't have any trips before year 7. It was 30+ years ago but honestly don't remember them! My mum may well have cried about missing her baby. She did when she left me at university for the first time! 😬

Have to agree with this.
I hated residential until I was 14 and went with my best friends. I ended up living abroad for a period of life. Homesickness is not to be underestimated, but if you recognise that she is 'clingy' in other areas of life other than overnight trips this probably needs sorting before she becomes a teenager.

I would consider that normal, not nice but definitely normal.

My parents weren't remotely clingy but I was always the one being upset and homesick. Definitely not their attitude, they desperately wished I'd stop and join in.

Yes, the other kids were cruel about it.

But looking back now at nearly 50, you have to do it sometime, it's never as bad as you think and as at the time we were limited to 10p in the phone box, that also helped as it was the increased phone calls and contact that made it worse.

If it’s a 3 day overnight trip, I would hope all the parent helpers have been DBS checked!
I would tell your DD that you expect her to stay at least 1 night and if there’s a problem after that you’ll come and collect her.