Not hosting yet another Christmas

[halloumidippers]

I have a big family, but we are the only ones with children, which has meant we've really sleepwalked into hosting Xmas each year.
Practically it makes sense - parents have downsized, and my three siblings live either alone or with partners so we have the only house big enough. DH family are all abroad.
When the kids were tiny it was lovely, but there now tweens and it's all a bit too much.
We really want to spend Christmas just the four of us but when I floated this with my mum I got an absolute earful of how selfish I was being, to deny everyone the chance to be together. To be fair everyone is helpful - most bring a dish, my brother can't cook so does a nice big wine delivery ordered here a week before... but we just want our space to ourselves and enjoy the holiday together.
I've just had my sister on the phone saying how I've upset mum, that we've always done it this way...
am I awful to want to spend Xmas with just us? I've said everyone's welcome on Boxing Day.

That’s the answer, but they don’t want the hassle of cooking their own dinner- they want someone else to. So selfish.

So youve never been upset at something that displeases you? And you would cut off your mother because of it, in the heat of the moment.

Great. You do you. Im done with this conversation. I have my opinion, oyu have yours, its fine.

your mother hosts the step sisters despite them thinking your mother is a which for stealing away their father!

I really do pity your mum

i don’t know how i’d react

because it is truly unfathomable to me that my close loving family would respond like this 🤷

you mother is with a miserable man who takes it on her but she “sticks with it” nonetheless

and then she has to host him and his daughters who think she’s a witch for christmas

a dreamy sounding christmas (and life) for her

You are not awful to put your husband and kids first.
Every other year we have it just us.
No one has ever been offended. But if they were, tough.
Why are their feelings more important than yours?

The biggest mistake to make is to host Christmas too many years in a row. I made this massive mistake. The year I decided not to host World War 3 broke out in the family and took months if not years to recover.

As a PP said, there was no gratitude at all for the 30 odd years I had hosted. It upset me hugely and I've never had quite the same respect for the people involved that I did before.

Step sisters dont go over for Christmas. Only "boxing day". And that is her choice. She doesnt even want my brother or me there. Its her prerogative, even if we ve told her not to.

But Christmas Eve? Thats lovely. We all enjoy it. Everyone pitches in and helps with the food and the shopping, and the setting up. And I hope we can keep it going forever. Fortunately, the family all gets along. Step sisters are not considered (or consider themselves) part of the family.

it took close loving family members years to recover from you not hosting a christmas? after you had hosted for 3 decades??

i imagine your step father (the miserable one who takes it out on your mother) regards his children as “family”

and they’re not regarded as family but still invited for boxing day?

I honestly dont understand why you are so obsessed with my family.
My sted dad considers them family. No one else does, nor do they consider themselves family to anyone else. And Im talking about their aunts/uncles/cousins, who go to Christmas Eve.
They go to boxing day, on their own, its just them and my step dad and mom. Not even their brother goes, as hes cut them all off ages ago.

so these step sisters rock up on Boxing day “scum of the earth” and “evil” as you describe them and your mother hosts them despite them thinking she’s a witch
joyous

I do get your point but if your going to do it boxing day anyway, you may as well do it xmas day and save the hassle!

Im not sure what you want me to say to that. It is what it is.
No one likes it. Everyone knows its a shit show. We ve tried to stop it.

It still has no relation to my stance on Christmas.

sounds awful
and i feel for your mother
not least having to host them (and stick with the husband who takes out her misery on her)

It still has no relation to my stance on Christmas

clearly

it would for me knowing how unhappy my mother is

Again... My mom loves Christmas. And is not miserable. She grins and bears it on boxing day.
If she had to do that and not even have the joy of Christmas, then that would upset me, yes.
They are different things. Because what I said was that spending Christmas with just my child, instead of spending it with my family, is not something I would ever even consider. I dont understand how my mom having to do something shes not happy with on Boxing day should change my opinion on how I would always want to spend Christmas!

head. wall.

Your mother remains with a man who takes his misery out on her

Your mother hosts your step fathers children on boxing day despite fact they thinks she’s a witch

this woman is a “grin and bare” it soul

And what do you want me to do about it? Ive told her to leave him. Ive told her to stop doing the things.

What does that have to do with how I feel about Christmas?!?!?! Why should I prefer to spend Christmas on my own than with family?!?! Because thats all I was talking about, here. Im not sure what your goal is here. You pointing out the obvious is not going to change anything. Ive been doing it for years and here we are. So we deal with it.
Worry about YOUR family! And spend Christmas alone, if thats what you want! Thats all this post is about.

me? i couldn’t enjoy christmas as you appear to do knowing my mother was so unhappy and put upon

each to their own

i thought you were leaving the thread

Yes, be miserable, because you think someone else is. Its really helpful. Changes everything, really! 🙄

“someone else”

that someone else being my mother
hosting christmas
knowing very unhappy

😞

Start negotiating- they can use the house if they do all the shopping, cooking, washing up and cleaning.

My haughtier is 14 next week and has never met her fathers family…. Not a single one ever travelled to see us!

Good grief are you two still bickering?
you both need hobbies