Would you be disappointed if your teenage daughters wore barely any clothes posing on social media

[Suchafaffputtingaduveton]

Or do all the teen girls do this now?

I have a friend with two older teenage daughters, gorgeous looking girls, known them since they were little. Their Instagram pages are full of nearly naked pics, very provocative poses and videos. In the bio they are digital creators.
In all honesty, I find it a bit disappointing as they were smart, driven girls when younger. My dd is still young and i’m not being judgmental as who knows, she may go the same way, is it bad to really hope not and hope that I can
steer her in a different/better direction?

Whereas you'll actually find lots of replies are from women. And their female friends telling them they look good. How jealous they are of their legs/boobs/bum etc.

Young women, surprise surprise, don't all dress for what men will say but what makes them feel good.

(Yes, some women online might be men. That's why it's important to teach Internet safety and you can never be sure whose who online)

That is exactly my point-

As I said in my post: 'she still wears clothes and makeup that I think misrepresent her.
It doesn't mean to them what it means to us. We [us older women] have to accept that.'

To me, her way of representing herself sends a message that is different from what the message means to her. That is my point.

When you say she is 'allowed to try different things' you are misunderstanding me: I am already saying that.
I probably wasn't clear.

Boys will post topless, flexing to show off their six packs and muscles.
They will also pose in a way to directly accentuate their crotches

So... what you're saying is it's NOT done for the male gaze?

Omg fuck me, that is the complete definition of TMI! Eek, is that what Facebook has descended to these days? Family member posting post sex pictures on their newsfeed?! I'm glad I came off it.

I think the issue is there have always been people who are exhibitionists and everything is about them; so social media has just given them a free, quick and easy platform. Prior to that you'd get shown their pictures if you met up with them but that was it. Now it's everywhere.

It is weird to complain about objectification whilst reducing them down to their looks as if showing off online makes you a dumb Bimbo overnight

A posed image online usually includes some form of clothing and we are past the "What the Butler Saw" era of little clothing being considered pornographic

It's really downmarket. Sends all the wrong messages.

I hate seeing young women like this - most are just keeping up with what they think is cool and trendy right now and gets the most attention. They are waiting to go viral for something they do - then they will have made it 🥴

I hate the massive influence social media / reality tv / z list wanna be celebrity shows have had in the last few years. They have normalised so much that is harmful for our kids and we haven’t seen the full impact of it yet. The true and long lasting damage will be seen in a few years time sadly.

So many influencer/content creator fall apart after a few years and suffer from bad mental health and breakdowns and all sorts.

I agree absolutely it doesn’t make them thick. However, it does indicate that they are being exploited by a system that is driven by male desires. Could you imagine a poster talking about their 19yr old son doing this? It would very rare. Why is it just young women who feel they need to do this and dress it up as their own empowered choice.

Unfortunately I think this is young women who haven’t yet understood how the world pressures women to perform for men. I see it as similar to when I was 16/17 and thought I needed to go out in skimpy clothes with no coat etc - but now there is a permanent record online rather than just a brief phase you learn from. Anyone could use those images. It’s very naive. Possibly your friend is naive to that too.

You're judging her. Just stop.

If the pose /clothing combination is supposed to provoke a sexual response in the viewer it's pornographic. Like lots of dance videos are pornographic.

I can sit in a bikini on a beach and it's just clothes. In the same bikini a totally different set of poses/angles /movements, it is pornographic.

You might personally have moved onto pornography only being complete nudity whilst having sex.

But that's not actually the only definition

I wouldn't be "disappointed", I would be ashamed and absolutely furious if my DD thought that little of herself that getting her kit off so men get completely the wrong message was the best she had to offer the world.

If she has no respect for herself how can she expect me or anyone else to have any?

Agree.

I find the word ‘disappointed’ very interesting. I can’t imagine a scenario when I would use this word about my children.

Obviously this trend is abhorrent, but all you can do is instil some truths in your daughters:

• recruiters look at social media so this will harm your prospects
• once pictures are on the internet they are there forever and can be shared ANYWHERE
• if you care about freedom and equality in general for women then you won’t add to the objectification of them in this way

My older teen girls don’t do this, but this is how I would tackle it if they did.

I wouldn’t ever use the word ‘disappointed’ though. It makes it sound all about you.

Yanbu, I have a dd and I would be quite happy to tell her a few truths about carrying herself like comes across. Not just from an employment perspective but in general.

We don't get to choose how our kids turn out. Some of their life choices are down to our parenting, many are not. Parading on the internet in scanty clothes is not great - but there are lots of things they could be doing that would be worse.

So even if there are worse things out there, doesn't mean that this is still ok. I would be very disappointed and tell my dd so.

I would encourage my daughters once 18+ to use their looks for money, so no I wouldn’t be disappointed as long as they were profiting from it. Everyone’s body is used in some way or another.

I wonder if you have young adult children? Telling them you are disappointed in them would often only have the effect of driving a wedge between you and causing them to double down on the behaviour that is unacceptable to you.

I know committed socialists whose son is a conservative activist, mental health experts whose children have profound mental health problems, high achieving professionals whose child has only ever drifted in low paid temporary work, moderate drinkers whose child has alcohol problems, academics whose child did very averagely at school and yes, feminists whose daughter just wants to marry a rich man and be looked after.

None of those would be what they would have expected or hoped for for their child. In some cases, you might be able to trace the choices to something the parent did, but I'd be very wary of assuming that if you parent well, you can protect your child, shape their future or stop them making poor choices. Life is tough and we all find our own way through it. Most of us will make some crap decisions along the way so why would our children be any different? Sometimes all you can do is love them and wait for them to work their way through it all.

Just yuk.

But hopefully your daughters will turn out to be makeup-less feminists, campaign against sexism in the media and be a bitter disappointment to you.

I think this post is spot on and exactly how I feel. I have teens but they aren't into posting photos of themselves even with private settings. I just think teens are naturally becoming independent and they have their own ideas and opinions on things, I was brought up by politically active parents and they promoted curiosity and questioning of ideas and we have brought up our children in a similar way so the idea of 100% compliancy especially older teens is a) alien to me b) undesirable as I would prefer my teens became young adults that can think for themselves.

I believe having ownership of your body and using it to your advantage is feminist. More feminist than burning yourself out mentally and physically trying to compete with men.

Using your body to your advantage in what way?

Perhaps I'm old fashioned but honestly my eyes roll in my head when I see 'digital creator' as a person's job

This is fucking disgusting, I truly hope you're not a parent as you're a shit one.

Meanwhile, in the real world...