Would you make space for a family with a disabled child on a train?

[UnbeatenMum]

AIBU to think that most people would see a disability pushchair with a child who is around 6-7 and realise the child is disabled? So if they don't make space for you on a train it's not because they haven't realised? We travelled on several trains during half term and our experience was quite mixed. Ended up with his pushchair half blocking the aisle on two occasions because no one moved for us (in the wheelchair section, all non-wheelchair users or their suitcases or baggage taking up the space). My son was fine but I had to sit on the floor and then get him off the train without help because the rest of the family had walked up the train to find seats. AIBU or would I have had a better experience if he had a wheelchair? I should say a couple of people did offer us a seat but overall it wasn't great.

OP- when there was luggage or a person sitting in the wheelchair area, did you ever ask them to move to accommodate the pushchair?

I googled disabled push chair, and also wouldn't immediately think its for a disabled child, even if he is very large. I have offered to help parents on/off trains, or move across to an empty seat so a parent could sit next to a child in a pushchair. One time I offered to lift the bottom of the pushchair to help them off the train and got yelled at by the mother 'Don't touch it!'

Sometimes you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.

No because I thought it was obvious that he was disabled and we needed the wheelchair space. I accept that not everyone would realise and I need to be more assertive in future.

This would have been great and it wasn't an issue for DH and DD to move down the train.

You have to get tough. When I travel with my disabled sister or nephew, both in wheelchairs I just ask people to move. Ok we got some looks but I pointed out the wheelchair signs and they then moved.

I know it’s not easy but unless you shout out people ignore you

People don't always sit near their luggage as the train is busy so they probably didn't realise. Also people usually zone out once they're on the train.

I think I would move into the main bit of the carriage and loudly ask a few people if it's their luggage and explain you need the space for a disabled pushchair. Then hopefully someone would jump up and help.

I probably wouldn’t have realized it was a wheelchair pram as I’ve never knowingly seen one before. There’s many sizes and shapes of prams so unless very obvious I wouldn’t know and also on a train most people zone out reading a book or listening to music so aren’t necessarily aware of whose getting in or off anyway. If someone asks then of course I’d move for them. You need to actually make it clear what you need.

But there is designated seating for wheelchairs. You know those tables with only 2 seats on one side of the table. But they usually get taken by mums with prams. Or the space for wheelchairs gets cluttered up with luggage. Those pull down seats as well people sit on them when there are plenty of other seats available. They are so that a wheelchair user and carer can both sit together and not feel like there in the way and an object to step over.

I used to find the excuse me this is the designated wheelchair space. There are plenty of other seats available so if you don't mind used to work.

When we used passenger assistance I booked the trains, tickets and reserved seats. We then phoned the company and told them all the details and they did the passenger assistance bit. We left extra time as we had to get across London but it worked on all four trains at the four different stations.

Thanks - I do need some set phrases like this for next time.

If you don't feel you can ask I'd make obvious comments to your son
" oh dear they obviously don't realise this is a wheelchair and we need the space saved for us! "
Very passive aggressive but it's what I do when out with the young man I care for as we use a giant buggy rather than old style wheelchair and despite the fact he's now 18 people really don't notice the size half the time

We recently got the train from Southern England to Edinburgh, and it was so overcrowded that even the little junctions between each carriage were full of people standing up, many for the whole journey, including a lady who was clearly disabled and using a walker frame. NOBODY gave their seat up for her.
We were standing next to her the entire trip, the conductor had to ask people to move their bags to allow others to sit down (!!) and every time a space became available, someone else would run over to it and sit there.
I was absolutely appalled. Some people even had their extremely young kids taking up seats when they could have easily sat on a parents knee.
No idea why the train was so overbooked, people couldn't even get to the loo as the isles were full and so many people standing in the spaces outside the toilets made it impossible to use them.
Horrendous journey, and depressing to see the selfishness of many people.

@HootyMcBooby a previous train was probably cancelled. They can become horrendous when that happens.

I was recently in Italy and I don't know if it was because of poor translation but instead of saying disabled people on a sign for the toilets they said 'differently abled' and I absolutely love that

Differently abled is used over here. It's absolutely awful

@TigerRag not heard it before. Why is it awful, I took it as not disabled from doing something but just able to do things differently?

Cos we are disabled, and there's nothing wrong with that. The idea that we can do everything just differently is daft

It minimised the struggles we have

There are so many things I can't do as a disabled person. I can't do things differently - there's physically no way to do them safely.

Disabled isn't a dirty word

OP it sucks, but you need to tell people to move their stuff. I'm a wheelchair user and if people have left luggage in the wheelchair space they often don't even notice me. You have to call down the train "please can the people this suitcase belongs to move it out of the wheelchair space, we need to use it". It will probably help to get a "treat as wheelchair" sticker or tag though to avoid arguments with people who don't know any better. Booking assistance through the Passenger Assistance app is also useful, because staff will often tell people to move things for you. And you can roll up the ramp, which is easier than lifting the buggy on then helping your DS on.

Agreed - I'd have stepped in first. I helped a lady with her buggy recently at a London tube station. So many people were just ploughing past her as she was stranded at the bottom of the stairs with a buggy and her own mother who had a walking stick.

The grandmother made no bones about thanking me loudly and chastising everyone else that had gone past without offering to help! 😂

How can you tell if a child could actually sit on their parent's knee or not? I had excruciating back pain when DS was young and there's no way he could have sat on my knee. I looked young and healthy though.

I would move to make space for the person in the wheelchair/buggy, but if you already had space, are you saying that you wanted everyone to move to make space for you and your other family members too? If so, yabu as there may have been people with hidden disabilities sitting in the spaces because they needed them just as much as your son did, and more than you or other family members did. As nice as it would be to all sit together, it is unreasonable to expect others to give up their seats to facilitate that.

I’d move bags etc to make the wheelchair space available but I wouldn’t have given up my seat - on the face of it I don’t look disabled but I cannot stand upright for very long due to my illness .