Would you make space for a family with a disabled child on a train?

[UnbeatenMum]

AIBU to think that most people would see a disability pushchair with a child who is around 6-7 and realise the child is disabled? So if they don't make space for you on a train it's not because they haven't realised? We travelled on several trains during half term and our experience was quite mixed. Ended up with his pushchair half blocking the aisle on two occasions because no one moved for us (in the wheelchair section, all non-wheelchair users or their suitcases or baggage taking up the space). My son was fine but I had to sit on the floor and then get him off the train without help because the rest of the family had walked up the train to find seats. AIBU or would I have had a better experience if he had a wheelchair? I should say a couple of people did offer us a seat but overall it wasn't great.

I’ll be honest it depends if I’d booked my seat or not. If I pre booked to sit with my own kids I wouldn’t move. If I was on my own of course I’d move!

Ok, so a couple of posters think people wouldn't obviously realise he's disabled or might be more interested in their phone and not notice. When he gets a proper wheelchair I will have to compare experiences.

Definitely thinking about assistance for next time. We had a similar experience in the Summer too tbh. He's always fine but it's quite stressful for me.

I honestly might not notice that a pushchair is a disability pushchair. I am autistic and in that kind of situation I am overwhelmed by stimuli. I am absolutely trying to be considerate of everyone around me. I am a complete and total rule follower so knowing I violated a rule or left someone in distress would be very upsetting. Yet, given the onslaught of info in a crowd, it still might get missed. my condition is completely hidden.

so unless you say something, I very likely wouldn’t know. Now, I would have avoided the wheelchair area in the first place but sometimes it is the only spot left.

Yes, this was the case on one train and then a woman on a drop down seat on another train.

I'm familiar with disability pushchairs now but for a long time I didn't realise what they were and thought no more than 'that child is quite big for a pushchair'.

I think that a lot of people probably didn't realise.

Our DS uses a wheelchair now and the difference is night and day.

whenever i'm travelling on EMR (from northern town to London and vice versa) there are always people with big suitcases because it is InterCity.
And there is nowhere near enough luggage space, so you often see it in the wheelchair space.

I leave mine next to my seat, and move as required. I have been told countless times by staff it's not allowed and they indicate the wheelchair space. And then there is always a discussion and i always email EMR about how stupid they are to not expect travellers to have big cases and to make. they just don't care.

When DH travels with his bike, he has to book it in advance (which is free). Maybe large suitcases need to do the same!

I think this is part of the problem definitely. Trains in Europe seem to be better for this.

Yes I’d give my seat up in a heart beat for some one who had a disability. But how big is your family? Was you expecting people to move for them too?

Or did you want them to move so you could sit down and the trolly went in to a space?

.

long distance, certainly, more local (including the ones that go to our local airport) not so much.

Absolutely people should move, I'd like to think I would but I am also guilty of sticking headphones in and not paying any attention around me until my stop so it may be a case of either not seeing or not paying enough attention to notice that it's not a standard pushchair in some cases. I also think it's fair for you to say. If I was oblivious and someone asked I'd be mortified I hadn't noticed sooner to save them having to ask .

I googled disability push chair and didn’t see much of a difference. I don’t think people would realise so that might be a big part of the issue. But I’d also be having a word with your family who are wandering off to get seats and leaving you to manage by yourself. Yes strangers can be selfish and oblivious but it sounds like your family need a firm reminder to help too…

Before DD got her wheelchair (she is very small so had a buggy for a long time) I always got assistance for the train because of this issue exactly.

A lot of people don't notice. Even ones who do look up will just seem pram and not think anything of it. I once had a woman demand I fold it so she could sit on the fold down seats even after the oxygen canister on the bottom and DD's tubes had been pointed out to her

Yes, I go with this. I would stand for disabled person but not for their companion.
To be honest, if I saw a 6-7 year old child in a pushchair, I wouldn’t think they were disabled. I would think their parents were being stupid.
I would also expect them to book if they could.

Showing my age, but if it was the blue and white stripped buggy of the past then yes I would notice, I would notice a wheelchair.

But if it is a normal pushchair I wouldn't because I wouldn't see if that makes sense. I would just see a pushchair.

And even if I did see a child, if small enough to be in a normal pushchair I would have thought it was pushchair aged.

Aside, would it not be better to fold the pushchair and get a seat in the carriage if your DC can walk? It might not be just wondered

YAdefinitelyNBU but I am not at all surprised. When I has a broken leg and was wearing one of those massive plastic boots, I had a lot of trouble getting anyone to give up their seat. There was even one occasion where the staff let me through an area that was temporarily closed off and everyone behind the barrier started moaning about how they had got there first and it was so unfair etc etc.

But also as a pp mentioned. If child has a seat (in buggy) I'm not likely to give my seat to what would appear to me to be a young woman. (I am old)

DD and DS are both also autistic so it was better all round that DH took DD to get a seat. And I do travel with DS alone anyway.

Taking the point that people don't necessarily realise it's not a normal pushchair though.

That's fairly shocking.

That's fairly shocking.

A lot of people just see a pram and just go in one.

It's much better, in terms of people being helpful, with her wheelchair.

People are very selfish I think and pretend to not be aware so they don't have to move. I would totally and always have moved for anyone with a disability, pregnant, elderly etc. I'm quite heavily pregnant (36W) and I DO NOT EXPECT ANYONE TO MOVE FOR ME before all the mumsnetters who love this topic start attacking me. I'm fine standing and always do but recently had to get the train somewhere and it was so busy I was stood in the aisle with many others, I threw up (in a carrier bag as I always carry one) and the completely fainted. Not a single person on that train even GLANCED never mind help. The 2 near me literally just shuffled away abit to give me room to pass out 😂 it was a crazy experience and I was so embarassed when I regained consciousness and just had to get up. Anyways now I've shared that, OP you need to always have the confidence to ask people to move from the wheelchair area!! It's your right

I wouldn't give up my seat to someone in a plastic boot.

With crutches of course but not a boot (and I wouldn't notice it anyway)

I definitely wouldn’t have thought about a pushchair being for the disabled, unless there were other obvious signs of your son’s disability. I realise that makes me very lucky, as I have not had to acquaint myself of these things.
I am going to be honest and also say I don’t really notice anyone on public transport either. I’m eyes down on my phone and it would take you actually interrupting me for me to notice you at all!

Based on many a day trip out with my nephew who also has CP, I'd say wheelchair is better than pushchair in terms of people making allowances but don't get excited, it's still VERY hit & miss and 90% of people are too self-absorbed or selfish to move or god forbid actually help.

You'll need to get used to advocating for him whilst out & about but IME the sooner DC is able to speak up themselves the better. I love watching people squirm when an 11 year old very politely but forthrightly challenges their right to take a disabled space 😁