To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Very wrong of him. You should probably have married. But even so, he should take steps to see you’re taken care of in his will. Those children wouldn’t exist if not for you. Very disappointing.

OP don't bother responding to those here, specifically, to goad you. Just ignore the wee saddos.

What a mess!

For goodness sake. You gave up work for a man who won't marry you and doesn't give a shit about you? Why do women do this? Wake up. Check if you are on the deeds or mortgage of the house and if not then start saving as you're going to end up on your own and homeless otherwise.

Please invest in some time with a good solicitor, who will help you come up with a plan to protect you.

THERE IS NO MORTGAGE.

At least read the OP’s posts!

This. You can’t trust him.

There is nothing she can do -it's his will/house and money.

She’s not, that’s the whole point of this thread.

We have considered inheritance tax.

We will review the will every two years for change of circumstance.

It is me that doesn't want to marry, regardless of the tax savings.

Have we missed anything?

I wouldn’t be able to sit and have breakfast with him, never mind get into bed next to him tonight knowing he would willingly leave me homeless in my old age. Fuck that. OP, get very angry and leave. It really is that bad. If you leave now, you wouldn’tneed a BtL mortgage, you could buy somewhere to live and start securing your future. He can pay maintenance and fuck off with needing care in his old age. Get out now.

Just a thought, If he ever needs care his house and money would be used for that , Money would go first ie not fair on his daughter. , Yes he’s only 50 but things do happen and if he’s lost capacity he wouldn’t be able to change his will.
We have an arrangement where both of us can live in our home for the rest of our lives (or rent it out ) but the deceased’s half is left to children . Would he consider something similar? You live there for the rest of your life but house belongs to kids?

In your position I wouldn’t be happy at all and would be looking to buy my own property.

My message about being married was to a previous poster who said they you can leave your spouse out of a will. Op obviously doesn’t have that protection she has some limited recourse of a potential claim but that’s not to be relied on.

He could easily provide for her and the children in his will but if he’s choosing not to op needs to act now to secure her own future.

It does sound a bit like that, if this is how conversations around it have gone I’m slightly more concerned about making sure I’m provided for in some way rather than making sure the kids who definitely will be provided for are done so 100% equally, but it is a conversation to have.
Have you seen the relationship about you being 'provided for' the thing is, you have power to change your income, the dc at present don't.

"boy to have the house and the girl to have the money is his plan."
Another red flag. The dc's should have an equal split. I don't know how you'll unpick this mess but someone has got to make him realise what a potential mess he's going to cause to his dc's alone.

I’m in the opposite position to you. My DP isn’t on the deeds to our house and we’ve been together a long time with our DC. Per my will he has a life interest in the property if I die, so that he’s taken care of but it ultimately transfers to our DC - I.e. him marrying someone else wouldn’t impact anything
I can’t imagine not including him and leaving him with nothing!
really questionable behaviour - at best, he’s not being considerate

"He would have said no!"

Then he doesn't love you and was simply getting the proverbial cow and milk for free, so to speak, and more fool you for not having the self respect and presence of mind to protect yourself and your children and demand marriage or walk. If he tosses you out, you and your children will have fuck all! You made no attempt to protect your own children! You should have demanded marriage or walked. No ifs ands or buts. You should still do it now. You're a live in 'fuck buddy' for him, that's all you are to him, he has no commitment to you. WHY do women DO this to themselves! I would have demanded marriage as soon as I got pregnant. It's really irresponsible to leave you and your children with no security. 14 years? That's ridiculous, it'd be marry me in 3 years (they should know by two years if the want to spend the rest of their life with you) or I'm walking!! Where is your self respect? Fuck him! Throw him in the gutter, if he won't commit to you. What a worthless pos he is.

This....he could tell you he's made provision for you in his will, just to stop you mentioning it.
Save as much as you can. Plan for your own future.

Why are you surprised that people are telling you to leave him? Find some self respect. This man is openly telling you what you are worth to him. Which is nothing. You are not worth protecting. He wants nothing to do with your future. Not his problem. You're on your own here. Why the heck would you want to be with someone like that? For your daughter's sake, show her that her dad is not a good example of a life partner.

You have sacrificed your career, earnings and pension to have the children. Does he really want to see you homeless if he dies? Have you asked him this? Does he have that little regard for the person he chose to have children with that he would want her left with nothing?
has he seen a competent solicitor for this will? A competent solicitor would have advised him about trusts and at minimum a life interest in the property for you. As you have been living together for over 2 years you would also have a claim against his estate under the ‘Inheritance (provision for family and dependants) act 1975 and would likely be successful. A competent solicitor would advise him of this. By leaving you out and forcing you to make a claim (against your own children) he is making unnecessary expense and stress and delay which could all easily be dealt with by a life interest. You get somewhere to live, but can’t leave house to anyone else, it is fixed and will go to kids on your death. As others have stated ‘house to boy and cash and investments to girl’ is also likely to add to unfairness between the children. The values are unlikely to be equal when he dies. It sounds like he has not discussed this with a solicitor who is a will specialist and STEP member.

A solicitor won't be able to help her - it's not her house and they're not married.

Yes, the ‘marriage is just a piece of paper’ proponents really have screwed over a lot of women. I suppose it didn’t seem such an issue in the sixties and seventies when the workplace was starting to open up to women, housing was far cheaper relative to salaries, council housing was being built and the population was smaller.

OP @YourRealBiscuit Why on earth didn’t you put your foot down when you were pregnant and insist on getting married at that point?

Did you never read any financial articles in newspapers or magazines setting out the complications that can occur when cohabiting, particularly around property?

I am slightly younger than you and know for a fact that many such articles were published over the years, because it is to one of them that I owe my own financial security.

My boyfriend (now DH) was keen to buy a house together but I insisted that I wasn’t going to take that step without being married. (We had been in a committed relationship for about eight years at that point, so it wasn’t unreasonable!)

You have literally given away your entire financial security and signed yourself up for poverty in your old age. You don’t even own a garden shed to doss in and would have to throw yourself on the mercy of the council. That is how serious your situation would be if your DH died and you weren’t successful in challenging the will.

You will need to be very, very focused to put this right.

With 800k he would rather pay the tax man than help you.

He does not care about you.

Get out now before he becomes a crux around your neck.

It won't be okay at all and will likely cause resentment between them. Why is he not choosing to at least treat them equally? He is clearly either unkind or unintelligent based on his intentions. I think I know which is the more likely, though it is possibly both.

Cold? Him planning to leave you homeless is cold.