Page 10 | To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

YourRealBiscuit · 2024-11-03T08:23:19+00:00

Backstory we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50. Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids? We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me? he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US? what do you think?

Channellingsophistication · 03/11/2024 09:49

Great advice from @Lovelock1984 you must save as much as you can for your future. You would be homeless if he died. You must get legal advice too. He is showing he doesnt care for you….

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 03/11/2024 09:49

Thanks all

I definitely can now look to get myself a mortgage. I take the point of those saying it’s best to leave now and just live in the house but I would feel bad to upset the kids by doing this though. I don’t think I could do it.

Hopedully his solicitor will make him see his shortsightedness with his split for the kids. I take on board the comments about the cash etc

I also really take on board the comments about Care etc. would he expect me to care for him in his old age when he hasn’t cared for me?

I also see where you’re saying, he could die at 70, my son would be old enough to want his house and he’s then have to wait possibly for another 20 years to get it??? That’s IF my partner said I could live there til I die.

that would cause a huge strain on me, knowing how my son would feel, even though he loves me he’d want his inheritance as we all would.

OP posts:

Purplethursdays123 · 03/11/2024 09:49

Without marriage a gift into trust is taxed on its way in and on its way out. A trust to partner of £400k with £400k to kids would be an immediate tax charge of £190k. So kids get £220.

Would be no additional tax on partners death so long as they had no substantial assets (ie inheritance). The allowances here would be £500k

CarpetShampoo · 03/11/2024 09:50

Don't buy a flat to rent out. You will be lucky if the rent covers the mortgage payments and you will be heavily taxed on the rental income. Save up until you can get a small flat to live in. I suppose the dc will have to stay with their dad.

HollyKnight · 03/11/2024 09:54

The OP is 50 now so she can't pay any more money into her LISA which is a real shame because the 25% bonus is great.

She would be better off talking to a financial advisor to work out where is best to save her money at this late stage in life. She hasn't mentioned a pension so I'm going to guess she doesn't have one.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 03/11/2024 09:55

Reluctantgarderner · Today 09:42

Just a thought, If he ever needs care his house and money would be used for that , Money would go first ie not fair on his daughter. , Yes he’s only 50 but things do happen and if he’s lost capacity he wouldn’t be able to change his will.
We have an arrangement where both of us can live in our home for the rest of our lives (or rent it out ) but the deceased’s half is left to children . Would he consider something similar? You live there for the rest of your life but house belongs to kids?
In your position I wouldn’t be happy at all and would be looking to buy my own property.

He's 60, she's 50.

Startinganew32 · 03/11/2024 09:55

My god what a wanker. Also while the cash and house are worth equivalent now, it’s likely the house will be worth a lot more than the cash in 20 years time so he’s being unfair to your daughter.
He genuinely sounds like an awful person but as you are not married, it’s hard and as you’ve never paid a mortgage on his house, you’d have no claim to it either. I can’t believe he’d put you in this position - it’s honestly shocking and verging on evil. He’s taken advantage of you in a massive way, getting you to raise his family and then leaving you with nothing.
Legally there is nothing you can do apart from gathering evidence for a possible failure to provide claim under the Inheritance Act. Hopefully cohabitation law will be reformed at some point - your case is a prime example of how unfair the current law is and how it mainly benefits men.
If you can get on the property ladder, even a small flat, please try to.

Purplethursdays123 · 03/11/2024 09:56

YourRealBiscuit · 03/11/2024 09:49

Thanks all

I definitely can now look to get myself a mortgage. I take the point of those saying it’s best to leave now and just live in the house but I would feel bad to upset the kids by doing this though. I don’t think I could do it.

Hopedully his solicitor will make him see his shortsightedness with his split for the kids. I take on board the comments about the cash etc

I also really take on board the comments about Care etc. would he expect me to care for him in his old age when he hasn’t cared for me?

I also see where you’re saying, he could die at 70, my son would be old enough to want his house and he’s then have to wait possibly for another 20 years to get it??? That’s IF my partner said I could live there til I die.

that would cause a huge strain on me, knowing how my son would feel, even though he loves me he’d want his inheritance as we all would.

Would you feel that way about your mum and dad? That your mum is taking your inheritance? Of course not, you are thinking about this in the wrong way. X

NamelessNancy · 03/11/2024 09:56

YourRealBiscuit · 03/11/2024 09:49

Thanks all

I definitely can now look to get myself a mortgage. I take the point of those saying it’s best to leave now and just live in the house but I would feel bad to upset the kids by doing this though. I don’t think I could do it.

Hopedully his solicitor will make him see his shortsightedness with his split for the kids. I take on board the comments about the cash etc

I also really take on board the comments about Care etc. would he expect me to care for him in his old age when he hasn’t cared for me?

I also see where you’re saying, he could die at 70, my son would be old enough to want his house and he’s then have to wait possibly for another 20 years to get it??? That’s IF my partner said I could live there til I die.

that would cause a huge strain on me, knowing how my son would feel, even though he loves me he’d want his inheritance as we all would.

In addition to all of this it is your daughter's inheritance that would be used up first on care fees etc. Your children are potentially being treated very very unequally here irrespective of what the situation is at this precise moment in time. You would be the one around to watch the fall out and damage to their relationship. As well as seeing you provided for why on earth would he not split their inheritance straight down the middle of everything?

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 03/11/2024 09:56

I do have small
pensions as you’d expect really with my patchy work history, around £6k in those which isn’t really worth shouting about but I do have them.

someone has asked about life insurance and pensions. My partner has always made me feel like it’s wrong to ask, so I haven’t.

OP posts:

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 03/11/2024 09:57

@YourRealBiscuit THE real worry for you would be if your partner died and your son, at 18 is legally allowed to be on title deeds, and he majorly falls out with you and tosses you out of the house!! that is not outwith the realms of possibility!! your partner is being a nasty twat! have you actually considered leaving him now while the kids are young?? you have spent years bringing up his children and he doesnt care!

Startinganew32 · 03/11/2024 09:58

YourRealBiscuit · 03/11/2024 09:49

Thanks all

I definitely can now look to get myself a mortgage. I take the point of those saying it’s best to leave now and just live in the house but I would feel bad to upset the kids by doing this though. I don’t think I could do it.

Hopedully his solicitor will make him see his shortsightedness with his split for the kids. I take on board the comments about the cash etc

I also really take on board the comments about Care etc. would he expect me to care for him in his old age when he hasn’t cared for me?

I also see where you’re saying, he could die at 70, my son would be old enough to want his house and he’s then have to wait possibly for another 20 years to get it??? That’s IF my partner said I could live there til I die.

that would cause a huge strain on me, knowing how my son would feel, even though he loves me he’d want his inheritance as we all would.

He has a 400k house and 400k in savings. So 800k in total. The house should be sold with you getting enough to buy a flat outright and the rest going to your kids. If they would have a problem with “only” getting 250k inheritance then I don’t know what to say really.

Bodeganights · 03/11/2024 09:58

YourRealBiscuit · 03/11/2024 08:51

Am I within my rights to push for this?

Show quote history

You have no rights, you cannot push for this or anything much. You would think he would want to do the right thing.

Many years ago my partner asked what would happen if he died before me. Having previously given it some thought I told him, i wouldnt be able to attend his funeral. I'd be very lucky if i got a week to pack and leave. Back then it was 9 years of stuff, now its many more years and a large house to go through to find my stuff. However I do own my own house, and it wouldn't be too difficult to get back in it. He added a codicil to his will, I can live there as long as I like, but when I move out it's to be sold and split between his children. Which will give me time to grieve and pack and move properly, not in a rush and missing things.
I wont be able to afford to run this house alone for long and all I ever wanted was a bit of time. The codicil gives me that time.

DillyDallySal · 03/11/2024 09:58

I think the only way you’ll recover anything from him at all is if you leave now while the kids are young. Regardless of anything, forget the money and practicalities for a moment - do you actually want to be with someone who thinks so little of you?? It’s terrible.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 03/11/2024 09:59

I also see where you’re saying, he could die at 70, my son would be old enough to want his house and he’s then have to wait possibly for another 20 years to get it??? That’s IF my partner said I could live there til I die.
that would cause a huge strain on me, knowing how my son would feel, even though he loves me he’d want his inheritance as we all would.

If that happens, perhaps you could stay in the house with your daughter and pay your son rent - drip-feed his inheritance until you're either in a position to buy your own house or (sorry) you die..

BabyCloud · 03/11/2024 09:59

This is why you can never rely on a man to support you.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 03/11/2024 10:00

I'm sorry, but you are well and truly screwed here, especially if you continue to stay with him. He doesn't care about your welfare or security, even after having his children and being his 'partner', which would make me question whether he truly loves you.

Why do you stay?

snakeface · 03/11/2024 10:00

My heart sinks reading this. People can be very stubborn. Is there no one both you and your partner trusts to speak to him about the reality you will be facing if he doesn't make some provision for you? It isn't as though your children are not going to inherit from you is it? So if the house goes via you it will still end up with your joint heirs?
A friend of mine's neighbour was in a similar situation to you, except there was a son from a previous relationship. The older partner died leaving everything to his 2 sons. The neighbour was evicted by both her and the other son with such indecent haste it was heartbreaking to watch. She went away for a few days, not unreasonable as she'd lost her long term partner of 20+ years, when she came back the furniture her 'children' hadn't wanted was in the front garden. She now lives in one bed in a shared house at 60, a few suburbs away. No longer near her friends nor church. Eking a living with a part time retail job. That's the reality of a situation like yours.
Also I would get on the property ladder asap. Saving don't hold their value like property does. Use your Lisa towards a deposit and get a mortgage with a view to renting and then living in. Buying something now will be cheaper than buying in the future.
Really invest time and energy to sorting your future out NOW. And if your partner needs to step up with the child care, so be it. You really need to prioritise yourself now before it's too late. You'll also show your partner you mean business and that this is v important for you. Might shake him up a bit, but don't bank on it 😞
Good luck

Quitelikeit · 03/11/2024 10:00

This is not a leave situation ffs

He has allowed her to live rent free in his home

She has not answered the question if he is tight in general - which means he isn’t because she would have said

Looks like he pays the bills - has been supporting op when she wasn’t in work etc -

Maybe he feels she has been lazy?

I mean this conversation should of been had years ago

Fair enough she was raising his children so there was harm done to her career however his generosity in not demanding she return to work and pay half needs to be considered

Purplethursdays123 · 03/11/2024 10:00

Bodeganights · 03/11/2024 09:58

You have no rights, you cannot push for this or anything much. You would think he would want to do the right thing.

Many years ago my partner asked what would happen if he died before me. Having previously given it some thought I told him, i wouldnt be able to attend his funeral. I'd be very lucky if i got a week to pack and leave. Back then it was 9 years of stuff, now its many more years and a large house to go through to find my stuff. However I do own my own house, and it wouldn't be too difficult to get back in it. He added a codicil to his will, I can live there as long as I like, but when I move out it's to be sold and split between his children. Which will give me time to grieve and pack and move properly, not in a rush and missing things.
I wont be able to afford to run this house alone for long and all I ever wanted was a bit of time. The codicil gives me that time.

Show quote history

This codicil has the effect of giving you assets worth the price of the house. If you have your own house and die within 7 years - the tax consequences will be terrifying.

Startinganew32 · 03/11/2024 10:00

BabyCloud · 03/11/2024 09:59

This is why you can never rely on a man to support you.

Yup, whether married or unmarried, never become financially dependent on a man or you will be fucked.

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 03/11/2024 10:01

LadyJaneEarlGreyTea · 03/11/2024 08:33

Won”t this leave you basically homeless if he were to die first?
Without him specifying in his will that you could remain in the house for life before the children get it you could be obliged to sell it and divide the proceeds between the children.

Has he had any proper - and recent - advice about this?

If he leaves it to the children but you are entitled to stay in it, that could cause them other issues. Of course they have an asset but unless their mother leaves the family home and sells they are likely to face a much higher tax bill on whatever they buy as they'll be second home owners.

There are also two? (more than one) Of them so if one is still living at home and the other wants the cash and to buy their own place it sets up further trouble.

If it's a big five bed detached then obviously downsizing options are available.

If it's a small three bed terrace on a busy road then less so.

I think wanting to pass assets to your children is okay in itself but it has to be in sensible ways and so that you are not having to sell the family home while all grieving - and that leaves appropriate provision for you. And in a partnership you should be able to discuss that properly.

Otherwise you'd be better leaving him now while you still have children and qualify for much more in housing, benefits etc.

BPR · 03/11/2024 10:02

This man is absolutely determined that you do not feel secure, that is clear.

You need to wake up to that and start absolutely making sound provision for yourself.

Your job needs to be your priority and saving hard.

You do not want to be carer to this man, so start saving.

Women end up living in poverty because of situations like yours, so start thinking with your head.
You do not want to be a burden on your children 10 years from now.
Get organised and get saving.

The age gap between you will start to lengthen.
Of course he will expect you to be minding him.
Screw that!

Another2Cats · 03/11/2024 10:02

Purplethursdays123 · 03/11/2024 09:33

This kind of arrangement is useful but for tax purposes it’s an absolute nightmare. Did you get advice on the tax consequences of this right to reside, presuming you are in E&W.

Show quote history

I don't that's right. If it's the DP's main home and the trust says he can live there then there is no CGT to pay when the trust eventually sells the property on his death.

7. Private Residence Relief on the disposal of settled property
The trustees of a settlement may claim relief (see how to claim relief) if they dispose of the only or main residence of a person entitled to occupy that residence under the terms of the settlement.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/private-residence-relief-hs283-self-assessment-helpsheet/hs283-private-residence-relief-2024#private-residence-relief-on-the-disposal-of-settled-property

HS283 Private Residence Relief (2024)

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/private-residence-relief-hs283-self-assessment-helpsheet/hs283-private-residence-relief-2024#private-residence-relief-on-the-disposal-of-settled-property

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 03/11/2024 10:02

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 03/11/2024 10:00

I'm sorry, but you are well and truly screwed here, especially if you continue to stay with him. He doesn't care about your welfare or security, even after having his children and being his 'partner', which would make me question whether he truly loves you.

Why do you stay?

I keep thinking maybe I could do something to make it better, I think.
plus there’s the kids, it had seemed silly to leave over something like that but the way you are all putting it to me now, well it doesn’t feel so silly. But still.

it would feel bad to say kids im
leaving your father because he won’t leave me anything in his will

ive been made to feel like that’s grabby

OP posts: