To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Note to all women - never ever have kids with anyone without being married. If you don’t get married you have no rights at all.

Exactly.

Definitely! This is my situation, it's called right of abode. His children will get the house when I die or if I remarry - whichever comes first. His children are adults and have never lived with us.

Anyone who cared enough to have children with you would protect you as well as them in case of his death, which let's face it will happen sometime, no getting around that fact!

He could take a life insurance policy, to give a OP a lump sum if he dies, although it would need to be clear in the will that this is ring fenced for the OP?

OP has already said there is no mortgage.

I wasn’t working to save up the money? My children were little so I wasn’t in work full time until the last few years in lower positions until I finally now have a good job.

I own my own house outright, bought by me, mortgage paid by me until paid off My partner has lived with me for 13 years. I pay all bills on the house, he pays for food, social events and holidays. He owns a better car than me which he pays for and we use as the family car.

My partner has a good amount of savings.

Different to you we both have our own children.
We have just written mirror wills to protect us primarily in our old age and then our children and grandchildren.

My will protects my house for my children but gives my partner the right to stay for life. This is his home. We went to the solicitor together. The solicitor is experienced in writing this legally.
My children wouldn't lose the house if my partner needs care, for instance. Wording also includes what would happen if for instance my partner remarried or if he couldn't manage the house and wants to sell. It also includes who is responsible for maintenance costs.

My partner contributed an amount to renovations. In our wills, proportionatley his children will benefit from any uplift on the value since then.

We agreed together on the arrangement.

The major point here is that OP and her daughter are in a very precarious position and I cannot believe he is seeing a qualified lawyer who thinks it’s a good idea on any level to split assets in this way.

Is the son older? He’s entitled to the house at 18? Then he kicks out mum and sister. Sister isn’t entitled to her bit yet so mum has to use any income from the £400k to rent somewhere then daughter gets to 18 and wants her cash.

Any man who wants this for you is not a partner. You are not his family, you are a transient girlfriend who gave him kids.

The OP would have a very sound reasonable provision claim but moreover if would be her suing essentially her own children and costing legal fees, adding incredibly family ruining stress to children who have just lost their father?

This is an absolute horror show and I would leave a man who had so much contempt for me, as to leave me homeless.

She was raising THEIR children and (presumably) supporting HIS career by doing so…

What?? He's leaving you homeless? You need to get along to a solicitor and get advice on what (if anything) you can claim off his will for the house.

I haven't read the thread but if you have been helping maintain his house, you might still have some claim on it. And if it is the case you will be left with nothing, you need to get yourself in order asap.

It is awful that he wants to leave you homeless.

Op even if he did change his will to include you he could easily change it again without your knowledge. Set yourself up for the future now . Good luck

Wow! You need to do some serious feathering of your nest.
i hope you’re working? Save every single penny you earn and pay as little into bills etc. secret bank account if need be.

can you ask him to set up the will so that you have a right to live in the property?

even if he doesn’t do that, if you’re in the property and have been reliant on him for however many years the kids couldn’t just make you homeless. You would have rights as a dependent cohabitee (but terrible if you had to exercise those)

It's actually incredibly unfair on your children to put them in this position. He's got on Average 20 years left. You've got 35.
So your 30ish year old son is going to have to evict his 70 year old mother from her home to claim his inheritance? Or wait another 15ish years to get on the housing ladder while his sister just gets a straight cash boost into the market? Incredibly cruel.

Would he consider a civil partnership? It gives all the legal protections of marriage, but can be done quickly, easily, privately with no fuss or 'ceremony' to speak of. My partner and I did this recently, after living together for 20+ years.
If he says no, you should press him for a reason. If it is because he specifically doesn't want you to have any legal protection or to be left with any rights to stay in the house, then at least you know where you stand and can act accordingly.

Not necessarily. If you as a woman are financially independent and have lots of money/assets/investments, you might not want to marry a man who comes along with nothing. This could potentially leave you open to him getting 50% of everything you own.

Well I guess all your earnings now you just turn around and say that you need to save to buy yourself a place to live for when he dies before you or he goes into a care home as you'll be homeless 🤷🏽‍♀️

What an arse.

Also- if women have a house, marrying means they will lose half on divorce.

It cuts both ways now.

Yes, that was my point to @Moveoverdarlin .

This kind of arrangement is useful but for tax purposes it’s an absolute nightmare. Did you get advice on the tax consequences of this right to reside, presuming you are in E&W.

Then why would you ever expect him to ask you?

Because I would have said yes?

Er, they’re not married…how would she get a “share”.
thats the whole point of this thread.

Why would he ask you to get married if he doesn’t want to get married?

I think the point is that whilst that may be true now, it may be far from true in say 20 years and one of them could end up effectively inheriting double the other.

Saying they should marry to avoid iht?

Well that also runs the risk of

Then divorcing and her claiming half

Or him dying and she leaving all assets to new husband.

Better to leave it all to the kids and yes sone iht paid but his wishes are carried out.