To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

But along with getting married and leaving everything to your spouse there’s the very real chance, that the surviving spouse will marry again and leave your kids nothing.

it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

You’ve grown and birthed actual humans. Any reason you couldn’t say “I want to get married. Do you? Shall we book a wedding?” in the last 14 years?

This with knobs.

Tbh, I'd much rather live alone at 50, than with a 60 yo partner or whoever else.

Tell him that if he loves you, he should be planning for you in his will. Any good solicitor will tell him that.

I'd also say this was a leaving situation. It doesn't sound as if he values you or cares about you, and you can't talk to him. What's the point?

The only thing I think he’s not being fair on is that he’s not made any provisions for you to stay in the house until you pass away / go into a care home.

i am part of a very complicated blended family that all parents have left estates to their spouses on the understanding that the last one would leave it to the children. The last parent has now passed and the children have been disinherited.

So I can understand why he wants to make sure his estate goes to his children directly.

It is poor that he’s not considered how you could still stay there as it’s very common and straightforward to do this.

The important question seems to be- is he leaving the house to dc immediately on death or would you have the right to live there for your lifetime or at least a period of time without actually owning it?

1. She's not married
2. Even if she were, the courts don't rewrite a will to make it it equivalent to the way a divorce might work. Yes, there may be a claim under The Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 - but that doesn't give the courts leeway to treat probate like a divorce

Different with blended family... they are her children!

Of course he couldn’t backdate 14 years rent. And I’m pretty sure raising his dc is worth something.
He would owe a lot more in childcare/ housekeeping fees than she would in rent.

If I were you I would plough all your money you are now making into your LISA. Do not contribute at all to the house or anything in it. Use him like he has used you. If you leave you have nothing. He could live for another 20 years so use this time to get yourself set. When you are in a position to buy a place outright just go without a backward look.

very much agree with this

I think you realistically can’t afford to stay with him without jeopardising your long term future. You’ve sacrificed career progression and pension whilst raising your joint kids and if he is not going to make provision for you in his will I don’t think you have any choice but to leave. Also emotionally what is he bringing to the table? He doesn’t sound very nice.

How much longer would it take you to raise a deposit? I’d keep quiet for a while and start lining up your ducks.

I would have a direct conversation with him, saying, what happens to me if you die before me?

If he dismisses it, I would say, in that case I'm going to buy a flat/house in my name and rent it out so that I have some security. You can say that if you die first, it can go to the kids.

The fact that you were working part time was a contribution to the household. He basically got free childcare and the ability to work full time, save and pay his mortgage while you got nothing.

My ex DH was a bit like this, when we decided I should give up work to look after the children when they were young, he refused to agree to paying anything into a pension for me. Even though he was a teacher so there were contributions to a teacher's pension, he also thought extra money should be paid into a private pension for him as well.

My now DH is not like this at all. We both work full time but due to me having to start again in a career, he earns twice as much as me. Because of my minimal pension savings, he contributes much more to the household expenses than me to enable me to save a large amount of my salary into a pension. And the household expenses involve the children who are not his. But we are a partnership and tried to find the best way forward to plan for our future and for situations where one of us might die first.

Get some legal advice ASAP. Its going to be messy if he dies before you which is entirely possible. In any event, you've been together 14 years, you've had his kids and he's leaving you nothing ?? He's prepared to leave you destitute in other words. Talk about a kick in the teeth. Appalling.

If she can create invoices for laundry and childcare he could create them for backdated rent, utilities and everything she has paid for.

Its always a ridiculous argument to say ‘give him and invoice for all the housework you have done’, especially when the person hasn’t paid towards living costs.

Or just sort out life insurance - if he doesn't already have it

He would have said no!

No, that doesn't have to happen at all. You leave everything you own to your children and give your spouse a life interest to live in the property.

That way the surviving spouse cannot touch any of the capital and the full £1 million IHT allowance is available on the death of the second spouse

So you have 14 years worth of rent saved up? or where has that money gone?

Oh and as pp have pointed out no way is he being equal to the kids. Property prices usually increase more quickly than cash holdings and cash holdings are the first to be used for care home fees. The guy is a misogynistic pillock.

Nope.

You split house 50/50 and leave your shares to your kids in trust, not partner.

Surviving partner then only gets 50% but has the right to remain in home until their death.

Protects kids inheritance at 50%. Remember though, these are shared kids, he's not trying to protect his assets from a stepmother, but their mother.

A woman of 50 getting a first mortgage?

Unless she has a phenomenally well paid job and a massive deposit, that isn't going to happen.

@YourRealBiscuit Your partner clearly doesn't care about your security.

IF the kids were his, alone, I'd understand.

Not a good position to be in.

OP are you not jointly on the mortgage? Usually in that scenario if one dies their share of the house passes to the other joint mortgage holder? Or if tenants in common is he just passing his half to the kids, you would then still own your half?

If he is the sole homeowner and you aren't married or on deeds/mortgage then yep, you're in a real pickle here and he is shafting you.