To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Im Not in Scotland.

I did say i might bring it up in front of his father and that got a reaction…

He could well be looking to force me to leave, he does have the potential to want to be the wronged party in everything.

im going to leave it for today as its for quite heated.
let him go and do whatever he wants on Tuesday, as ultimately he can and I will start saving and see my FA about how best to structure my finances and as they’re also mortgage people I’ll look into that too.

i can’t believe this will be the end of 14 years but as you say, better now than when IM of retirement age l, having the rug pulled out from under me.

it’s pretty clear he’s never loved me, I just mistook it for the trials of having children and life

All those posters who say he wants OP out. Their children are tweens, so still dependent. If he forces OP out, who is going to look after them and where will they stay? Even if he had someone else, surely it is better for him to have OP in situ the house continuing to offer free childcare and domestic services and him having his cake and eating it (as they all do).

We don't know the OP is in Scotland. We don't know where her jurisdiction is. This is why I have suggested the OP speaks to an actual professional Solicitor who can advise on her and her childrens' legal rights. Some posters seem to think that's a bad idea. I have no idea why some people on here think speaking to a professional is not a logical thing to do.

That sounds like a plan, OP. Keep your powder dry and see what the IFA says.

I don't think he wants you out. He still needs you to look after the children.

He is a user, so use him too. Enjoy the free rent and build up your nest egg. At least the dcs will be provided for, so you only need to look after yourself. Glad you are now back in ft work. You got 15-20 years more working life in you and that is a significant amount of time to get back on track.

And once he needs a carer, you can laugh in his face with pleasure.

It sounds as though you were around 35/36 when you got together with your partner OP. What was your situation before? Did you not have any equity from a previous property you lived in?

There's a teeny tiny part of me that can see why he wouldn't want to hand over all his assets and risk his children not benefiting (should you meet someone else after his demise), but that doesn't excuse that he should be allowing you to remain living in the property, at the very least until the children are grown and flown. He could put the house in trust for them to ensure they get it.

If his dad is also doing a will then there's a good chance they've been discussing this and he's had the idea put in his head (if you were in his will previously).

Where did I say OP would definitely be going to Court? All I have been saying is she would benefit from actual legal advice from a professional Solicitor who would know her circumstances and the law of the jurisdiction she and her children live in. Rather than people on here who think they know what they're talking about when they are mostly not Solicitors

Unless you are certain you can be completely financially independent and you want to stay that way.

I know it must be very difficult but try and have a warm drink (tea?), a couple of paracetamol and try and have a sleep. I find when I can't get to sleep, if I put on bbc sounds and choose something like Newscast or Americast (which I do actually want to listen to), I get lulled to sleep, wake up 4 or 5 hours later and have to put it on again to listen to

This must feel really horrible and heartbreaking after you’ve invested such a big chunk of your life in this relationship. You really have been used as a free nanny and prostitute as presumably he’s still happy to use you for sex. You need to get out of this non relationship now the writing is clearly on the wall. I left a 12 year relationship for similar reasons although I was a lot younger and was glad I did as the guy died a few years later.

I did wonder about a banana skin before Tuesday.

I'm glad about the cake. I think being 'the bigger person' is overrated.

"The children can inherit tax free whereas a non spouse has limitations"

Not true, children cannot inherit tax free if the value of the estate exceeds £500k (£325k nil rate band plus £175k main residence nil rate band). OP says her partner's estate is currently worth £800k, so they would have to pay IHT on £300k. Only spouses and civil partners can inherit free of IHT.

I wouldn’t leave either, you need to save your money for yourself. I just would try and keep outgoings to a minimum and save all money for yourself. The kids will be taken care of. Your priority is you now. If he doesn’t like it then he puts you on the deeds. Even if he added you to the will he could change that. I’d find it hard to trust him with having your best interests at heart now.

I’m so sorry that it’s come to this. Look after yourself and I wish you well for the future. 💐🌹🌺🌷

I too would stay in the house but treat him like a lodger. Save everything you can, let him pay all the bills etc.... milk him.

Don't be buying extra foodstuff/clothes/treats etc for him. He's not your partner but keep the status quo. Be non-chalent about it all, you already know his thoughts about you. Don't report to him about what you're doing. Buy a small pad for yourself, ( tell Solicitors to correspond by email and not by post) then at some point in the future, hit him with it and move out. Perhaps just when he's needing a carer.

Ps. I hope you win the lottery, win big and then throw it all back in his face.

When you mentioned about saying something to his father and he reacted, what was the reaction? And what did he say? Could it be that his father would be disgusted with his actions? Or that his father agrees with what he's doing?

Why would you think your DC would kick you out?

Yes, let's teach this in schools instead. Financial independence means choices.

Tbh I would prefer my dd didn't get married. My DH is a good man, but there aren't many of them about. I have impressed on her the importance of being self sufficient and having high standards.

But deciding to have children requires a lot of thought and financial planning.

Apparently not for him, or rather, he didnt think or plan for the woman who would give him those children.

I meant for the woman. Precisely because so many men seem to be selfish and irresponsible. It shouldn't be that way but it seems very common.

Ignoring the other issues at play here (which are significant), you could take out life insurance on him that would pay out to you if he died, which would cover you to find somewhere else to live.

But it's difficult to ignore the fact that he seems like a right shit... You're probably better off buying your own house and moving out into it.

His accusation that you are grabby shouldn't shut the conversation down. You have a right to ask. You put your own financial earning power on hold to raise his children. You have a right to ask where he thinks you're going to live or buy food with after he dies. You're his children's mother, his life partner of 14 years, for goodness sake. "Oh so you want my money do you?" is bollocks at this point. You could equally accuse him of using you, using your body for babies, housework and sex! He is despicable!

What an absolute total shit. Speak to that IFA. If you possibly can, get a buy to let ASAP. Then continue in your family as long as you can stand to in the knowledge he has changed his will, your children will be fully provided for and you just need to build up assets for yourself. He seems to have chosen that as your only option, so take it.

You have no idea what will happen in the future, I'm afraid.

One of my parents' neighbours was very happy for the family home to put in her son's name. He sold it from under her, to finance his emigration to New Zealand.

Omg... what happened to the neighbour? Did she have other assets? Was she financially viable? Or did she have to go into a home?