To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

this is a warning to others in a similar situation

talk and communicate about finances/child rearing and the financial implications etc

If someone is refusing to marry you there really is only a handful of reasons why

Look at that link I sent you on the Inheritance (provision for families and dependents) Act I sent you. A solicitor could tell you whether there was any chance if it applying to you

Unacceptable, do not allow yourself to be treated so insignificantly. I would be outraged if I were you.

Do you think he left his will in the filing cabinet for you to see?

I think at this point I’d leave arguing about the will. A will can be changed anytime . I would want my name on the house by tomorrow ( or asap ) You are the mother of his children and deserve some security. If this doesn’t happen then if you can , buy yourself a small property and if you don’t want to move out/ upset the kids rent the property out. I don’t think I would tell him what I was doing either.

I've read your update. This is not a poor communication as I first thought.

He has planned this.

He doesn't see you in his future.

You need a game plan.

You said you earned over 30k. I've assumed it's 35k. Take home is around £2300 per month. Go see a financial advisor about how to invest this to get the most out of it. I would not spend any more on household bills than you do right now. Change nothing. Save as much as possible.

Work out a plan for financial independence. Plan when to leave. Be ruthless. You have 17 years to build for your future. Use every day. You can do this.

You didn't have savings etc until 36, if you are crap with money- recognise this and seek professional help from someone.

Basics:

1. how much deposit for a house
2. claim child benefit - in your name. He might earn over the threshold- but that's tough. He will have to pay it back. Save this cash
3. get ducks in a row (numerous wonderful people will be able to fill in what to do here..)
4. what will looking independently look like ? (Could you claim benefits etc)

Ultimately, you want to be able to plan a future with someone who wants to do this.he doesn't. Fuck him. But use this time to get a nest egg behind you. Don't tell him you have this.

I don't believe it is as clear cut as that from my 40 years working in a bank and seeing the consequences of disputes between married and unmarried couples. If you are a Solicitor, please say so. I just think the OP might be well advised to seek actual legal advice, not someone who just thinks they know. I have expressed previously I am not a Solicitor. That's why I've said the OP could benefit from an appointment with an actual Solicitor who can advise on things like the Childrens Act.

OP I'm so sorry for your update. It's so devastating.
However, it is now time for you to concentrate on yourself. Thank goodness you found this out now and not in 10 years time, and at least you have a job.
You need to start being as ruthless and self serving as he is being.
At least you know your children will be taken care of in the future with the inheritance.

You can’t force him to marry you or to hand over half his assets. You would likely have grounds for an IPFD claim on his death against his estate for reasonable provision but as an unmarried person your claim is weaker than that of a spouse. Also making a claim is stressful and unpleasant and potentially risky if you lose and are liable for costs. Frankly there’s not much you can “do” legally as he owns everything and you aren’t married you are in a very weak position. Practically you need to focus on securing your own financial future.

As other posters have said, I strongly recommend that you seek legal advice on this.

If he is adamant that he does not want you to inherit from his estate, he could at least allow you the right to live in the house rent free for the remainder of your lifetime should he die before you. In Scotland it is called a liferent. I recommend a liferent trust which is essentially incorporated into his Will and nothing happens until his death (and only if he passes before you). That way, you are given a level of protection and he gets his wish to pass the house to the

In Scotland, cohabitating couples can also make a cohabitation claim on the estate of their deceased partner. It's a greyish area in terms of what you may be entitled to receive (a lot of cases settle outwith court) but it is an option you could look to pursue if resident in Scotland and if you meet the legislative criteria.

I'd seriously be reconsidering the relationship if he is unwilling to give you any protection.

All of that is reliant on him wanting to offer even minimal protection to the op on his death and sadly it’s been established he does not want to do that. You can’t make him.

A will can be changed a anytime and no one would know. I wouldn’t trust that at all at this point. I’d want my name on the house so I’d at least get half.

Exactly. The could gaze into each others eyes and make mirror wills with solicitor A then the next day he can go to solicitor B next door and make a new will.

Except getting her name on the title deeds is even less likely to happen. Read the OP's posts.

Yes I get that but being on the will is pretty pointless tbf in view of the thread. If I was threatening to leave it wouldn’t be because of the will it would be because I had no security and wanted my name on the house.

Better to get it sorted while he's still alive, but if he digs his heels in there are a couple of options if he does die first...
If your children were adults, I'd suggest you could start talking to them about your worries, as they might agree to making a deed of variation, which will allow them to effectively change the terms of the will anyway, after your DP passes away, to eg give you a life interest in your shared home.
If they refuse to consider that, then If you were financially dependent and cohabiting for long enough, you might successfully challenge the will if he dies first, and failed to make suitable provision for you. Obviously that might not go down well with your children.
Given that there is a reasonable chance you'd need to vary or challenge the will to avoid becoming homeless, a decent solicitor should be advising him to make provision for you, to avoid that.

I assume you are talking about an Occupation Order? The people you are talking about have likely been able to prove they have a beneficial interest in the property. E.g. there was intent for them to be put on the deeds at some point, or they have contributed financially to the purchase/improvement of the property, or have been paying towards the mortgage. This does not apply to the OP. She moved in with her boyfriend. There was never any intention for her to own a share in the home. This means she can only apply for an OO as a non-entitled applicant which I think means she can only be granted a maximum of 12-months stay. I'm not a solicitor either but it is obvious to me that she would be better off saving her money than wasting it on court fees for the sake of a year longer in the house. She'll still be homeless when he drops dead regardless.

It's utter tosh he didn't know you were in his previous Will - of course he did - or does he make a habit of signing documents without reading them first?

It's hilarious he's so convinced he'll outlive you because (a) women have an average life expectancy four years longer than men, and (b) he's 10 years older than you!

He really is very stupid if he doesn't have the sense to marry you, so you can inherit his estate free of IHT and claim his unused IHT to double the threshold at which your children would have to pay IHT when you die. Is he so desperate to cut you out that he'd rather give money to the tax man than have most, if not all, of his estate go to your children?

Something for you to bear in mind: if he unfairly excludes you from his estate, it may be possible for you to make a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family & Dependants) Act 1975 - commonly referred to as the Inheritance Act. Normally only immediate family, or those very close to the deceased (such as an unmarried partner, like you) can make a claim and it has to be done within six months of Probate being granted. You might want to take legal advice on this.

Lexlum didn't say a Will. She said a cohabitation claim from the estate of a deceased partner (in Scotland). As it happens, I was born and remain in Scotland and have previously commented that the rules of succession differ in Scotland than from England&Wales. These differences in the law are a really good reason why the OP should seriously consider actual legal advice from a good Solicitor because people on this thread implying things like "you aren't married so you'll get nothing and you could be kicked out tomorrow" isn't proper legal advice. I'm not saying the people saying these things aren't well intentioned. I'm saying if the OP wants legal advice based on her circumstances and the jurisdiction she lives in, a good Solicitor could help her with that

How did you find out what he was writing in his will?

I agree with the PP who said to turn this around.

When he says "So if I dont leave you anything then you are leaving? So you are just after my money?" ask him why he thinks its ok to leave you homeless after his death, especially given that he is older than you and at risk of heart attacks and stroke (maybe throw in a laughing look at the state of him, to add to his paranoia). Ask him how many people, apart from his father, he has told about this plan and how would he feel if you told them. Tell him that as he has decided he is on his own financially, so are you. And that you expect financial compensation for all the hours of childcare you provided so he could have kids AND his Big Job.

Oh I didn’t realize the OP was in Scotland? Haven’t read everything. Hopefully ( if this is a true story) she’ll have better protection. We have a similar set up to the Scottish one advised. We own half each and when one of us dies our half goes to the kids but the surviving spouse has a life interest they can live in the house, rent it or buy something else ( the kids would then have a share of that)

He wants you out. He’s gaslighting you into you being the bad guy so you leave, and he can tell everyone you were only after his cash. Don’t do it. Stick fast. Save, invest as much as you can as fast as you can. Make him have to throw you out. Let everyone see exactly what he’s like.

And as a pp said, cherchez la femme. Good luck op.

You're not a Solicitor either. Right. No I was not talking about an Occupation Order. I was saying the OP might benefit from speaking to an actual professional Solicitor.

You were talking about her going to court. Where do you think that money will come from to pay for that?