To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

She applied for a council flat, I recall. I'm not sure where she moved to. The house that was sold was a modest ex-council house.

If you have an IFA, you've got decent assets as most don't take on people who don't. That doesn't mean you should be cut out of your childrens' father's Will but it does mean you are very likely to be able to afford a good Solicitor. I suggest that's something you consider

Oh... how terribly sad for her, to have an awful son like that. She must be heartbroken.

I suppose the thing to take away from this thread is make sure you're financially secure yourself, keep assets in your own name (even at the risk of paying IHT) and have a secret stash of cash in case you ever need to get away.

I hope OP gets all her ducks in order and everything works out OK for her in the end.

Meant to add that she wouldn't have had significant assets at all.

OP so sorry for you, this man is absolutely abhorrent, it is unacceptable and makes even a stranger like me so angry. I have nothing to say except to wish you luck and everything ends well for you. 💙💐

@YourRealBiscuit - please take this advice, as well as advice from a solicitor other than his, to see if there is anything at all you can do to protect yourself in future. My own best advice (with no legal background or experience of this) would be for you to remove yourself and your children from his environs, and get him to pay maintenance for his children until they are 18, including a roof over all your heads, separate from him. I have no idea if this would be at all possible, but by the sound of it, there is no way he will want to take physical or emotional responsibility for them but he seems to want to be financially responsible for them, though not for you.

I just find this so strange that this is still an issue there. In Australia after that amount of time it’s the same as being married. A partner couldn’t just do that. If the OP left him in Australia then she would still be entitled to a share of the assets.

Stay quiet for a bit, bide your time and save as much as you can.

I just find this so strange that this is still an issue there. In Australia after that amount of time it’s the same as being married. A partner couldn’t just do that. If the OP left him in Australia then she would still be entitled to a share of the assets

What happens for example if a separate couple move on and say the man shacks up with a new woman and she has a child.
Hes a multimillionaire with 2 kids with his wife and 1 with his long term girlfriend who doesn’t work?

Does it still count?

I don't see a need for that change, just for women to stop being so naive, actually look out for their own interests and stop having kids with men who won't marry them

Exactly. As a woman you choice is if you compromise your earning or future earning whatsoever for the family greater good you have to be married.

Or if he won’t marry you you have to be brutally self interested insist on 50/50 child care and chores and really focus on your own career and pension. Men can’t have it both ways.

Or if he won’t marry you you have to be brutally self interested insist on 50/50 child care and chores and really focus on your own career and pension. Men can’t have it both ways.

Been like that since day 1 here - and we’re married.

Of course there’s a need for the change rather than just blaming women for being stupid. The law currently allows men to profit big time at women’s expense and to take no responsibility for the effects of having a family. Why would you want that to be possible?
Also it’s never as clear cut as you make out. Many times the woman will get pregnant and the man will propose/say that a wedding will happen once the baby is older and that never happens. A lot of pregnancies are unplanned as well so it’s all well and good to be smug and judgemental just because you happen to be married. There’s a lot of emotions involved too and children, who need their parents. It’s not as easy as just “well leave him if he won’t marry you”.

So don't get pregnant until you're married. It's.not difficult. Contraception and termination are free.

I agree.

I wouldn't fall for this nonsense of let's have kids and get married later.

It's the risk your take.

I know people with kids who aren't married, but some are financially independent. A friend of mine has been with her partner for 28 years. She's not married and has 2 adult kids now, but if her relationship broke down when the kids were younger, she wouldn't struggle.

She's nor dependent on him.

It's a tricky situation for the OP, as this man doesn't see her as his responsibility to provide for. He demonstrated this side of him a long time ago, but the OP stayed with him regardless.

I wonder what online rabbitholes this man has fallen down…

OP would be better off seeing a financial adviser. OP is not in the middle of a divorce or contesting probate or something that requires legal advice - she's 'just' one of the millions of women (and others) who are ill prepared financially

Wow, so sorry for you, OP. Is he going to pay you back for fifty percent of a decade plus of childcare costs? He's 'grabby' to expect that for free.

Yeah super simple. Just have an abortion ladies. Never mind about changing the law so that men can’t continue this form of exploitation.

that’s the one sensible thing I did when I first thought I wasn’t 100% welcome was to pay very little towards things. Then the kids came and I worked part time so it wasn’t feasible

I keep coming back to this post from OP and that this man must have been 46 when he and OP got together, so close to 50 when kids arrived. Given how unwilling he is to look after her in his will and the signs were there for a long time. e.g. did he really even want kids, or does he feel he indulged OP's whim on this? I am not saying it is right, but it is quite possible that he has felt that he slept walked into a situation he didn't really expect to be in either. It reads as if there has been a lot of going with the flow here and no one really discussing their wants and needs. How children, household, retirement etc were going to be funded. From his perspective (devil's advocate), maybe she moved in, didn't pay her way even before kids, and hasn't since. Yes, yes childcare etc, however if it was never really agreed upfront, did he get backed into a corner he didn't want to be in, and has gradually started to feel he is only a meal ticket. Again, not saying he is right, but I do think there is likely a lot more going on under the surface here.

It’s always sad to me that when people come out with this stuff - there’s an assumption that the female in a heterosexual relationship would be going into a marriage with fewer assets and earning potential than her husband. Not true for at least 50% of my friends, who would, on paper, have probably been advised not to marry.

About him calling you grabby and out for what you can get, I believe this is just an argueing tactic, he knows it's not true but because you're NOT grabby it confuses you.

In a much smaller way, I was living with someone (in my house, he was paying roughly half the shopping as a contribution) and just leaving uni.

I put it to him that it would be fair if he put a bit more into the household expenses till I got a new job .... and got anger as a reaction. And called something similar to grabby.Which was crazy.

I think it was because I didn't like asking that he felt entitled to make it a clear no way. Sounds like yours is similar.

It may not be intentional but your post comes across to me as if you feel it's the OP's fault for being "ill prepared financially". She already said in a previous post she has an IFA and would be taking advice. This being the case, she probably does have decent assets so she does not appear to be "financially ill prepared". A Solicitor will know the law of the jurisdiction she and her children live in. She may not be going through a divorce but her long term relationship with her childrens' father appears to be on pretty shaky ground. Family law Solicitors advise on matters much wider than divorce. I know this due to the experience of a relative. My relative's Solicitor was also excellent in providing advice on the rights of the children.

Oh he’s still not going to die before me.

If that’s the case, why is he even bothering to make a will? The whole point is to do it as if you could die tomorrow! I hope the solicitor will ask a few questions. I know when I made mine, the solicitor asked what I wanted if my DH and, then teenage, son predeceased me.

OP said her assets are just £6k in an ISA and a very small pension.